Sometimes an open mind is all you need to tear your life asunder. A young woman thought she’d see how the swinging side lives, and found herself in gooey unchartered territory that turned her every waking moment into a steamy cesspool of uncertainty.
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Seeking out advice on Reddit, a certain Forreasons-throwaway sings her song of woe. Take it away, “Forreasons-throwaway”:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Our relationship, in general, is really good. He suggested a MMF threesome, saying that he would like to also try things with the other guy. We did it. The threesome was going really well at first but at one point the guy we did it with engaged my boyfriend in anal sex. I had no idea that my boyfriend wanted it to go that far and it was a huge shock to me – I thought he only wanted to try soft-core type stuff. Seeing him in that position… was quite unattractive to say the least. I am having a lot of trouble seeing him the same way I saw him beforehand and I really need some advice.”
They wanted to try this experiment with a stranger, so they found a guy online. Things started off awkward, then they got hot. And then they got soul-bendingly awkward.
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“It became clear that John was trying to have anal sex with him,” she writes. “It was at this point that my bf rolled off me onto the bed beside me. I expected him to be angry, but he simply laid back with his eyes tightly closed…. As it went on, my boyfriend just pulled me really tightly to his chest and made quiet grunts until John finished.”
Related: Would You Date Someone Who Identifies As Bisexual?
Things have changed. Now she feels “really conflicted.” She didn’t think he was “that type of guy.” It’s all been “incredibly jarring”.
“Seeing him laying there on his back, quietly moaning, while being penetrated by another guy… it was just… not attractive?”
(Are you sure…?)
Now it’s been three weeks and she “can’t get the memories out of my head.” She’s having trouble seeing him the way she used to. As Bat For Lashes once asked, What’s a girl to do?
Related: Would All The Bisexual Men Please Stand Up?
As you might have predicted, Reddit commentators had much to say. (The post has been locked due to the overwhelming amount of comments that broke Reddit rules.)
“Bad communication led you and him there,” scolds LV106.
Invader_zero agrees. “You really should have discussed boundaries before you did anything.”
“If you leave him just known that you’re not wrong for doing so,” says WillWorkForLTC.
“It comes off to me as a little homophobic,” says wantsemall. “Sort of a ‘oh, he’s not one of those kinds’ vibe. There might be a good opportunity here for you to unpack how you feel about that.”
“This is one of those really, really normal pitfalls encountered by people who are first trying nonmonogamy,” writes andthecrash. “Did he have the anal sex planned in advance? If so, he should have communicated that better to you.”
On and on.
Anyway. Obviously threesomes can be consciousness-raising adventures in self-exploration and even reinvigorate a relationship that’s getting a little pain-by-numbers. They can also be meh, whut, or blecch. And sometimes they’re a good way to weed out garden-variety narcissists and sociopaths, who can be relied upon to use triangulation as an airy ploy to keep themselves at the center of attention and turn everyone into a big mess.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
I think your being a bit harsh on her..she was obviously perfectly GGG with everything up to the point anal. As some one whose turned off by seeing guys giving/recieving anal I can’t criticise her over what she *may* have no control over…namely her turn owns AND squicks.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
*turn-ons
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
I wasn’t clear above. I too am turned off by back door shenanigans, always have been, always will be, it’s hard wired and I have no control over it.
salumbre
I agree that communication prior to the threesome should or could have been better, but there’s such a thing as getting carried away in the heat of the moment, so I wouldn’t be too harsh on him. And I agree, some people have very definite turn-ons and turn-offs, and it’s hard to get over those.
There’s something here, however, that’s key to me. “my boyfriend just pulled me really tightly to his chest.” This is not an experience that was pulling him AWAY FROM her, but something that, somehow, he was sharing WITH her.
Anal pleasure is also something she can give him. I know plenty of straight men who’d never let another guy near their backdoor (or their front door, either), but who receive and enjoy anal pleasure from women.
Unless they cannot get over what happened –and, based on the information at hand, I don’t see why not– I see this as something that adds to their relationship, not something that subtracts from it. Just my two cents.
Jaroslaw
The girlfriend hasn’t been clear at all in what is bothering her. Saying “Not attractive” seeing her boyfriend receiving anal sex or “she didn’t think he was that kind of guy” means what exactly? No one can give her advice until she comes clean. Society being what it is though, a pretty strong possibility is she is homophobic. Or insecure. Or both. (She can’t imagine another man giving HER man pleasure, perhaps.) The fact HE suggested MMF instead of FFM also might have been a clue as well. Salumnbre – how telling in your comment that you know many men who would never receive anal pleasure from a man but would from a woman. Society has changed so much compared to just 100 years ago and yet homophobia remains. I wonder what the source is since out of wedlock births are in the 100s of thousands, church attendence is way down, porn is everywhere etc.
Liam
Honestly, it’s good the BF knows now before marriage to a homophobe ruins his life.
russellhm
I agree that better ground rules be established before continuing. But I also think that following the 3-way, there should have been an opportunity for a bit of debriefing. Did she let her bf know she was disturbed by his receiving anal? How did he react to it? Was he surprised in any sense–that it was incredibly pleasurable or horribly painful and disappointing? How did the other chap react? Was this his first time doing anal with a guy? Or was he a gay top and it was usual. There’s almost an unspoken quality in her concern that she was planning on the 3-way to prove to herself and her bf that sex with her is still the best. But without knowing how the bf truly felt about it, we just don’t know. Did bf and the other guy enjoy oral and how did she respond to that? I have long felt that 3-ways by their very nature, left one person out in some respects. It becomes a game and I doubt it strengthens long-term relationships that need invigorating.
Arconcyyon
sigle LGBTT Family and PRIDE Fest Club LGBTT Mundi sorry is for you her and she and male and famele you . luck and luck …
jdboston617
bologne… get over it, people. It’s not a real situation. It’s make-believe. Duh……
chuck
I was amazed that so many “straight” guys are into receptive anal sex. I am personally gay but not into receptive anal which caused some to question my homosexuality. I think there is little choice in the matter of what turns us on. Discussion is a good idea. I was totally turned off when a guy I was seeing expressed interest in sex with a woman. I’ve turned down offers of mixed gender 3 ways.
JeanDePrato
Which one in the picture is the husband? The bearded guy is very hot – wonder if they took pictures? LOL
etseq
Homophobia and heterosexism anyone? For all the BS we hear from so-called sex-positive, polyamorous straight (or even worse “bisexuals” who think are somehow immune from heterosexual privilege) white liberal kinksters who has listened to way too much Dan Savage about how open-minded they are, gay male sex is often reduced to nothing more than a fetish for straight people to play around with until they themselves may suffer consequences from homophobia. Gay men are used as little more than sex toys so long as they know their place within those rarest of theeway unicorns – the MMF – and only the most self-loathing gay men would demean himself in this sort of gay for pay kabuki.
Even the most liberal straight women are rightfully suspicious of opening that can of worms – attempting to divorce gay sex from love and instrumentalize it for the benefit of straight people has been the norm throughout history and they aren’t going to give it up without a fight…
LubbockGayMale
So, how would she feel if she used a strap-on once in a while to satisfy his fantasies (if that’s what is going on)? This wasn’t sex with a friend, it was someone off the ‘net, for goodness sakes! Obviously, she was intrigued enough to go forward with the 3some. She needs to ask herself what would have she felt if it had been MFF 3way instead….
Any way you look at it, she and BF need to have a long serious talk, perhaps with a trained counselor, before going forward.
jkthsnk
Except for AMAs Reddit is shite.
Mick406
After 25 years of marriage, my wife and I discussed one night about what a 3-way would feel like. I was surprised that she was receptive . . . to at least talk about it. I have this young 24 year old stud of a friend who has been my buddy for years. He has a straight up and down Adonis body! He is also hung like a horse. I’m average. So, I used his ‘largeness’ as a carrot to make her think about what that would be like instead of my ordinary size dick. Lo and behold, one night she ‘got in the mood’ and asked me to call him to come over. Within 30 minutes we all three were naked. I went first and then he followed. I witnessed the most erotic and sex-jarring event I’ve ever seen in my life. She was moaning and thrilled to the moon with what he was doing to her. I thought I would feel guilty for causing this situation, but the more I watched the more I was glad we broke this barrier. He and I DID do many things to each other and she approved of it. However, neither of us are into anal sex. I don’t know if she would have liked seeing that that or not. I think ‘not’.
This worked out to be a 5 year, twice a month (or more) event in our bedroom. Those were blissful times!!! Sadly, he got married to some bitch slut and moved away. WOW! Was he good!!! Big ole 10″ beautiful penis and beautiful body to go along with it. We BOTH miss him! My wife was NOT turned off by anything like the female in this story was. But neither of us are looking for a replacement. I think we have had the best and no one else could possibly fill this void.
Maude
Four years I worried when I topped I might get my dick dirty and never did until one night I met a fellow in a gay bar and went to his place for a bang.
It was awful.
I swore never to do it again unless it was with someone I knew or someone who showered WITH ME before we did the ‘nasty’. (as Bea Lilly used to say).
On the way back to my place I sometimes told the ‘trick’ I’d just met that I intended to shower when we got home, believe it or not, several just backed out and refused to shower.
I think they thought it an insult for me to request they take a shower before ‘doing it’.
By the way, some thought me a ‘nut-case’ when I suggested some mineral oil and rubber sheet action. I first did that on Fire Island when I was taken there by an airline pilot from “down-under”.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@Maude: I think what you were asking is quite reasonable, and clean – They’d be offended if they are indeed dirty.
Malcolm Forest
This is a stupid fake article by a superficial “gay” website.
But obviously all you previous posters have purged and shared your personal sexual quicks.
Most of you are pretty frakked in the head and need counselling.
Brian
When a man receives a man’s organ into his behind, it turns him into a mangina. It shows a desire for feminine sensations. The wife was shocked by the revelation that her husband was more Mary than Michael.
kittyconrad
“…found herself in gooey unchartered territory that turned her every waking moment into a steamy cesspool of uncertainty.” Into melodrama, much?
jkthsnk
@Mick406: You’re gonna have to up your skills if you want the lit. career.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@Brian: I’m vers, top mostly – that makes me a Mary?
inbama
@Hussain-TheCanadian:
Oh, Brian thinks being a misogynist makes her butch.
robho3
@Brian: other wise reply from brain — don’t you all wish you were as smart and wise as he?
SonOfKings
I can’t believe we are seriously questioning why she was turned off. I doubt many heterosexual women would be turned on by seeing their masculine man turned into some other dude’s bitch. He should have known she wasn’t about to go for that and made sure he was top man in front of her. Men may or may not be from Mars, but women are always from Venus. Gay brothers, please stop expecting straight women to have the sensibilities that gay men have.
SonOfKings
@Maude: I tend to avoid anal expect under controlled conditions because it can be a hot stinking mess without due preparation!
bma83
She has every right to now find her bf unattractive. Though, she brought it on herself. Boundaries should have been talked about beforehand. I know for me, if my boyfriend ever wanted to invite a woman into our bed i’d send him packing and tell him to find himself a bisexual for a mate.
stanpaske
I totally agree. A three-way is a big step in a relationship. There should have been some discussion of the each parties intent and desire before engaging in the three-way. There is also a need to communicate the results of the three-way after the occurrence.
I get she is freaked out, but it was a possibility going into the three-way. Two dicks and one vagina means some male may be receiving an anal massage that is not typical. Did she discuss that the other male party would not insert into her? Did she expect only her current boyfriend to be the one doing the insertion. Was she jealous?
I get she is distressed and essentially shocked, but she was also naïve and clueless to the possibilities that the three offered or presented.
There is nothing to be ashamed or regretful. There is a need to discuss what happened, the result and the implications going forward.
She needs to express her feelings, her thoughts and her concerns that result from the relationship and let her boyfriend explain or enlighten her to the reality.
Stenar
It’s not really homophobic of a heterosexual woman to want a heterosexual boyfriend. He’s more likely gay.
Dwight
Sounds like she sort of assumed she’d be in the middle of a spit roast between the two guys or that if there were any contact between the two men, that her boyfriend would be topping.
Jack Meoff
More Reddit click baiting made up trash. I can’t believe how many people take these stories seriously.
Brian
Her boyfriend is imagining he has a gina. Receiving an organ into his gina brings him pleasure. This is not an unusual fetish. The wife should not have to agree with her husband’s fetish, however.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@inbama: (Shakes head in agreement)
I don’t know what’s going on with her recently, usually she’s pissed at woman, but now she’s talking about “Manginas” and sh*t – I swear last time I heard someone use the word “mangina” was Willam and Rapual was not amused.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@Hussain-TheCanadian: Rupaul**
Hussain-TheCanadian
@Brian: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL @gina – Ok….OK…you’re forgiven! That made my night.
scotshot
@Brian: Every time I see your name I wish someone had stuffed your holes.
Manchester
Obviously he has done it before if he took it like a champ and gave no resistance other than to hold his girlfriend tight and made little grunts. I would have been screaming “wait a minute!”, ” hold on a sec!”…
Jaroslaw
@SonOfKings: I can’t believe the Victorianism in some of these comments. First of all, even discussing explicit sex in a public forum would have made any of us giant perverts only 60 or 70 years ago, maybe less and we’d all be sitting in jail for obscenity. Ditto for the idea of ANY three way. To beat the point down, folks, things have changed. That it is completely obvious why the girlfriend is upset is an archaic attitude. Son of Kings – the idea that a man is a “bitch” because he is a bottom is pretty anti-woman. And I know LOTS of Gay guys who are very masculine, muscular etc. who are mostly bottoms. People should enjoy what they enjoy without worrying about YOUR label(s).
Me2
@Stenar: You’re absolutely right, it’s not homophobic.
Aromaeus
Her boyfriend suggested a MMF threesome so the idea he might want to try anal sex never occurred to her?
DuMaurier
@Aromaeus: It probably should have crossed her mind, but I imagine she had a kind of ingrained view that light “experimenting” wouldn’t include something that invasive, extreme, hardcore, whatever adjective you want to use. I can’t exactly deny that even as a gay man I’d probably have the same assumption. I’ve always thought of anal as almost a whole separate “horizon” in gayness (which maybe comes from prison movies, my own aversion to the act, or some other cultural influence I’ve imbibed without my conscious awareness)
The End
The other day this site asked people to define what they consider to be ‘news’. Here’s a clue, it ain’t this!
Who honestly believes this reddit crap. It seems to pop up on this site alot lately. Its the same as the ‘newspaper’ that has front page stories on babies being took by aliens, elvis was spotted on a horse, or whatever crap they claim to of been told by some random anonymous nobody in a truckstop
man5996853
He suggested the threesome and likely wanted to be fucked. His comfort and ease with it suggests that it surely wasn’t his first time.
If she is merely turned off by the thoughts of him in a submissive position, she has issues that she is not addressing. If it is more about the fact that her boyfriend never discussed that he is bisexual, that he has a sexual past that he has never divulged…information of this nature…I would understand the concern. I’m not sure how I would feel if my boyfriend and I engaged in a threesome with a woman and my boyfriend(who up to that point never discussed his attraction to women) enthusiastically engaged in…let’s say…cunnilingus. She either has some issues with sexuality or we haven’t been given all of the information.
Kangol
@Maude: Quick tip to tops and bottoms out there: if you don’t have a shower hose, several warm plastic water bottles (which you can find at any store anywhere in the US) worth full of warm lightly soapy water squirted into the rectum usually does the trick. Just squirt up–enema–purge, and do it until what comes out is clean. If there’s no soap, just use warm (not hot, not cold) water!
jdboston617
@chuck: @chuck: Sure, man. Sure. LMAO!!!!
JamJewel
@Maude: The fact that you are having bareback is what’s disgusting.
Dorian Prince
3 years of a “good relationship” and they didn’t think to thoroughly discuss this very big event in their relationship? I think they need couples counseling to work on communication…immediately! This 3-way sounds like it was a huge Dramedy of Errors.
rtmartinez
I have to agree with many other comments on here that they should have talked about it in depth as to what the boundaries would be. All this could have been avoided had they done that but hey what’s done is done. Her bf likes to have anal pleasure which a lot of guys do so instead of being so flipped about it, sit him down and talk to him about it. If that’s what he likes then she can try to do that for him and that can add some spice to their bedroom fun. But her bf needs to also be honest with her and let her know if he enjoyed being penetrated by a man or not……judging from the “eyes closed” and holding onto her he may not have.
jake_samples
Seems like a pretty common miscommunication on both ends. Boundaries should have been discussed beforehand, but honestly, the bottom line is he should not have done that without speaking to her about it first. Her feelings are valid…I think she was just caught off-guard and was not ready to witness that on the first go…I also think though, that she is mistaking “unattractive” for “traumatic” to be honest….I think had she been prepared for that moment (assuming she agreed to it), it would have felt differently for her.
Theonewhoismany
@scotshot: maybe he will change it back to jasonsmeds. You know because the same tiresome misogyny, asinine logic, and discussions of ‘power’, if he uses a different name will fool us all into the assumption that many people share his views.
ErikO
@Maude: Why not just use condoms?
I’m not sure what this woman thought would or would not happen in a 3 way?
Captain Obvious
Reddit fantasies. Yawn.
Swineshead
@JeanDePrato: I agree that the bearded man is definitely worth dating and worshipping!!
rod815
I have heard stories, from the experimental 70’s…..this was typically done, as called “sandwiching” he does her, while he’s being done, you never allow yourself to enjoy it, without her being implicated!…that’s all hetero spectrum experimenting anyway…whatever!
Chris
No boundaries seem to have been discussed.
There seems to have been no debriefing. And,
She goes public without discussing things with him.
What else could be wrong with this picture? If I were him, I’d dump her.
gary69mike
Hmmmmm…. A MMF threeway. Her boyfriend wanted to experiment, what did she expect? I think she is a little naïve.