• Well, not really, but we bet the incarcerated producer behind Girls Gone Wild he'd love to profit off of Prison Guys Gone Wild.

• Details flippantly deliver the "truth": their rag's a total fag. Guess they really did deserve that GLAAD award.

• Whoopi headed to The View? That makes sense: she's kind of like a black Rosie O'Donnell. Only "not" gay.

• Boise State University and conservative Idaho Family Alliance's Bryan Fischer's "Transgender Bathroom Wars" continue. Honestly, we didn't know they had begun…

• We dont' understand a word of French singer Zazie's 1992 jam, "Sucre Sale", but we dig the homo-flavored, naked model filled video.

• Scandal-ridden congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham denounced his anti-gay ways after buying a yacht from a bunch of butt pirates, according to Seth Hettena, author of Feasting on the Spoils. He told "Buoy Toys'" former owners,

I now vote pro-gay, and it's because of you [guys]… I'm sure I've met lots of gay people, but I've never met two guys that, you know, were outwardly gay and … that I would consider drinking buddies and friends and boating buddies and people I want to spend time with … that also said, 'Oh, by the way, I just happened to be gay.

The purchase even Cunningham to apologize to openly gay congressman Barney Frank for his homophobic potty mouth, according to Radar. The article also points out the yacht led to a bribery investigation that ended his career. We wonder if he's still keen on the queens.

We're not sure if you heard, but the military needs a few more troops to send to their deaths. So, the kids over at Radar decided to test their recruitment limits. Of course, their mission wouldn't be complete without a little 'mo action. Here's a taste of Harvey Fierstein getting the soldierly scoop:

HF: …I keep hearing about this "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Is that, like, bitchy gossip?
RC: Actually, for something like that I'm gonna have to refer you here to my station commander. Let me put you on hold, you can talk to him. [Same recruiter comes back in a few minutes.] Now, what was that question, real quick, one more time?
HF: I hear a lot about "don't ask, don't tell" policy, I want to know if that means bitchy gossip in the locker room.
RC: No. [Explains DADT].
HF: Can you ask other soldiers about it?
RC: No.
HF: Can you make hints?
RC: No. That's defined as a statement, an act, or anything to that nature.
HC: It couldn't be like, cough once for yes, cough twice for no?
RC: No.

It's some pretty entertaining shit. Read the rest of it by clicking here. Be sure to come back to us, though. We get so lonesome…

Mary Cheney may only be a few months into her lesbian pregnancy, but it's never too soon to start shopping for baby gifts. Offering a helping hand to Grandpa Dick Cheney, the kids over at Radar have compiled a list of some possible presents for the little bundle of controversial joy.

Among their suggestions, you'll find the adorable 15" pride bear, the wholly-appropriate children's book Heather Has Two Mommies and - our personal favorite - the "Warriors of the Rainbow" costume. This girl looks almost as pleased as Dick Cheney did last week on The Situation Room. Hopefully Mary's baby won't inherit his signature snarl.

While we're on the subject of idiocy: there's more speculation over allegedly Christian, allegedly rocker Donnie Davies. There's been endless guessing since his "For The Bible Says" video grabbed headlines and stole hours of our lives, including the Radar debunked myth that Davies is none other than a drummer named Colby Stark and Joe.My.God's assertion that an improv actor named Todd Quillen created the creationist-loving singer.

With that illusion shattered, Joe's offered another suggestion: Texas-based actor Joey Oglesby, a man whose stellar credits include, Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical. Oglesby, however, insists he's not Davies. Sure, they may look almost identical, but, as we said in the Radar-related piece, all white, doughy, moustached men look alike. Also, it seems to us that if Oglesby were Davies, wouldn't he take credit for the media frenzy? Regardless, at least these talents got a little press. Now, maybe they can go back to living in obscurity. That is, unless, one of them claims to be the real Donnie Davies, in which case they'll undoubtedly become American icons. Icons of what, you ask? Well, of bullshit, of course. And, really, isn't that what acting's all about?

Speaking of stabs, people are still taking stabs at identifying everyone's favorite maybe homo-hating rocker, Donnie Davies.

Yesterday we suggested Donnie may be improv performer Todd Quillen, a hypothesis first offered at Joe. My. God. The kids over at Good as You, meanwhile, wondered if DD's actually the alter ego of a man named Colby Starck: the drummer in a music group called The Glass Gypsies - an aural-minded assembly listed as one of Love Gods Way's banned bands. Stark's suspiciously white, pudgy face made him a notable suspect, leading a number of other blogs to speculate that he is, in fact, Donnie Davies. Apparently, however, they're all wrong.

Radar sleuth Jeff Bercovici contacted Stark, who insists he is not, in fact, Donnie Davies. Bercovici reports: S

tarck tells Radar he's not the hoaxer. "While I'm getting a kick out of the hoopla, I'm not Donnie Davies," he says. In fact, he adds, the photos in which he looks like Davies are several years old; Starck has since lost weight and shaved his mustache. "I'm not as fat as he is, but it's really the love that I have in my heart for homosexuals that distinguishes us," he says.

Thus, the mystery continues…

(Note: while we're not entirely convinced Donnie Davies actually exists, we aren't ruling out the possibility that our sexually repressive and deeply religious culture could, in fact, spawn a ridiculous caricature such as the DD. Seriously, everything else about our day and age seems absurd - hello, Ted Haggard - so why couldn't this be real, too?)

Okay, barring some monumental news, this will be the last Ted Haggard-related post of the day. We thought you guys may be interesting in Jack E. Jett's interview with Mike Jones, the little hooker that could (and did) bring down one of America's top Evangelical leaders. You may remember Jett from his contribution to The Totally Frightful Issue. It's worth noting that Jack offered us an insultingly short version of the aforementioned interview. It seems, however, that he prefers the wannabe-homos over at Radar. (Whatever, he's probably just trying to get into Jeff Bercovici's pants. Slut.)

Anyway, it's an "eye-opening" interview in which we learn that Haggie's a bottom (as if we couldn't figure it out), enjoys a nice muscle boy with a big cock (we know) and isn't one for small talk (What? He's made an entire career out of mindless chatter!):

JJ: Was Reverend Haggard kinky in bed?
MJ: I'm not going to comment too much on kinkiness, but I can say that he certainly did enjoy having sex with me.

JJ: Would you call him vanilla?
MJ: Well, for the most part, I would use the term vanilla. But I guess every once in a while you could throw some chocolate in.

JJ: Did he ever kiss you or act affectionately, or did he restrict his visits to sex?
MJ: No, we kissed.

JJ: That's very sweet.
MJ: [LAUGHS] Well, I aim to please.

JJ: Did his personality change after you had sex?
MJ: I think sometimes there was some guilt, and he would get very quiet. Usually he'd just throw his clothes on and leave.

He was probably too busy thinking about how his soul would burn forever to make niceties. You gotta admit, it's a pretty distracting concept.

Also, kudos to Jones for not delving into the kinky aspects of the sordid affair. Great restraint, kiddo! Obviously sex worker "Nicholas" was way off base when he derided you for betraying your client.

We don't know, but those kids over at Radar seem pretty gay. First they were all up in club kid turned killer Michael Alig's jail cell, then John Cook yakked it up with homo-politico Andrew Sullivan and now they bring us the news that Borat's son's a gay porn star.

Or, rather, that's Adrian Cortez: the actor who plays Sacha Baron Cohen's characters son in the movie. Radar reports:

His name is Adrian Cortez, but he's better known by his nom de porn, Stonie. According to his manager, David Forest, Cortez is a 25-year-old gay porn star who has appeared in around 65 films.

Borat's producers first contacted Forest in June 2005, he tells Radar. "They wanted to find someone who would look 13 or 14 but was actually of legal age and would do frontal nudity," he recalls. Cortez immediately sprang to mind, he says, because "he's a small-framed boy but has a large organ." How large? "About eight inches, and thick."

You'd think a father would be proud of a boy like that - not only does he have a big dick, but he's a movie star! Well, an adult movie star; that's sort of the same thing. But, apparently Borat's exploited his son's genitals only to toss him aside like so many bastards. Radar breaks the news that Borat neglected to invite his son to the premiere.

Radar certainly got deep into this story. How deep? About eight inches and with a circumference like you wouldn't believe!

What? You thought there wouldn't be some sort of Andrew Sullivan/Election Day interview? Sheesh, you're more far gone than we thought.

If you kids head pop on over to our friends at Radar (click here, silly), you too can enjoy John Cook's interview between the famed homo-journo-politico. It's definitely a good read, with Cook really sticking it to Sullivan (pictured, in a Boi From Troi artist's rendition).

Here's a taste from their discussion of the war in Iraq:

JC: We do know that perhaps hundreds of thousands of people that are dead now would still be alive.

AS: We don't know that, actually. We know what has happened because of the result of our actions. We don't know what the result of inaction would have been. Many people who opposed the Iraq war opposed the Afghanistan war. Not many of them are prepared now to admit it, but many of them did. All one can do is account for the decision one has made. But I don't think the hard left, which was against anything Bush did, and actually believed that America deserved what Al Qaeda gave us, has been proven right. Do you?

JC: No.

AS: You don't think Michael Moore, who said the Afghan war was about an oil pipeline deal, has been proven right. But I don't see you demanding that he take account of his own errors.

JC: I'm not interviewing him right now.

Girl! Slap on a wig, some over-sized glasses and stick a cig in his hand, and John Cook may be the next Oriana Fallaci!

Of course, the boys talk about than just the war. Sullivan calls himself a rebel for being a Thatcherite, glosses over Mark Foley like a pro and defends his love of Reagan. Wheee!

While you're over at Radar checking out Mark Foley's Strike Force cameo, you may want to check out their interview with super-star columnist Frank Rich (pictured, looking quite jolly).

Why? Well, in it, Rich says that he sees no problem outing politicians. See?

Radar: You wrote a column on October 15 called, "The Gay Old Party Comes Out". Given the Republicans' addiction to gay baiting, which you have frequently described, if you could prove that a closeted senior Republican was gay, would that be a story?

Rich: If people holding positions of power, who make an issue of people's sexuality in their politics, are discovered to be hypocrites, I see no reason why it shouldn't be reported, as long as it's reported in a legitimate fashion. As long as it's something that's sourced—not gossip, and not anonymous. And I think these are basically the rules the press are following now. Don't you think?

We do think, Frank. And we agree. Although, we have to ask: what constitutes as "legitimate" reporting? Are we legitimate?

Probably not, but that's okay. We're all about being bastards.

Well, Radar's certainly in the Halloween spirit. Not only do they have a feature on the best horror villains of all-time, but they've used their wiley charm to score an interview with club-kid turned killer, Michael Alig.

In case you don't remember, Alig went to prison after killing his drug-dealer and dumping his body in New York's East River. The tale was later turned into the book, Disco Bloodbath by one-time friend, James St. James. (If you're not big readers, perhaps you saw the movie adaptation, in which Alig's portrayed by Macauley Culkin -a performance of which Alig does not approve.)

Anyway, while Alig and writer Jaime Lowe chat about how Alig still dreamss of Angel, getting on in prison, and a slew of other fascinating subjects, we're total sickos and zeroed in on Alig's jailhouse love life.

Have you had lots of relationships in prison?
I fell in love when I first was in lock-up at Downstate, but he went home two years ago. He was arrested right away, and I have to tell you, I was sort of glad because I didn't like the idea of him being out there without me. He was caught stealing a car and led his parole officer on a high-speed chase. He crashed the car into a building, got out, and ran onto a golf course. The police found him up in a tree and had to shoot him with a stun gun—it was all in the news. He's a really good example of someone I shouldn't have in my life—the kind of guy who needs fixing. I have such a skewed view of what relationships should be.

That's not surprising, you're in prison.
When I was in Clinton, I was interested in this guy. I wouldn't say we dated, but I thought he was the nicest person—really sweet and interesting. A couple months later I was watching the news and they were talking about the Central Park jogger rapist, and I was like, "That was my boyfriend!" And it was him—his name was Reyes.

Hmmm, now that's an idea for all you love-lorn homos: get yourself locked up and you can nab a real catch. We think it would make a great Jesse Trautmann essay.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Alig's none-too-pleased with St. James:

James doesn't come up to visit. He says he doesn't have any money. I guess he spent all the money he made raking over my life story. He claims he didn't make any money from that though … he claims they took advantage of him. Poor James was taken advantage of selling my story.

Maybe Alig's upset his book, the ingeniously entitled, Aligula, didn't get optioned for the big screen.

• Poor Maer Roshan can't catch a break: Radar's lost its publisher. Again. [WWD]

• "I know meatloaf," says GMA's Sam Champion. We've no doubt… [Gawker]

• Todd Oldham lends his name to FTD's "Coming Out" rose bouquet. Send 'em to someone gay. And out. [FTD]

• A lady teacher loves sex with underage boys: proof positive pedophilia ain't a gay thing, thanks. [The New York Times]

• Michael Knight from Project Runway's smooching Brandy? That's almost as gross as Hastert's small dick. Almost. [Mollygood]

• John Rechy, queer writer extraordinaire, has declared the winner of the 2006 One Culture Hero Award. No snarky comments, just congratulations. [The Advocate]

• Fire Island Landmark Gutted. And, no, we're not talking about a resident. [Towleroad]

• Lezzie Mama Wins Custody Battle. Georgia will never be the same. [365 Gay]

• Havoc Likely If Church Splits, US Episcopal Leader Says. Take that Akinola and assorted cronies! [The New York Times]

• Gucci's 85-Years Old! And it still looks better than Armani. [International Herald Tribune]

• Lord help us, Britney wants to handle her own PR. (Actually, we love a good train wreck, so ignore initial plea, Lord.) [Radar]

Contrary to popular belief, not all fags like Jessica Simpson (pictured in all her cartoon glory). In fact, we kind of hate her - although do shamefully admit to kinda liking Ashley - yet we can't help but be drawn to her and all the senseless attention lavished on her by America.

Today's installment comes from the gorgeous and regretfully hetero journo, Jeff Bercovici - the former WWD writer who joined Maer Roshan's online incarnation of the death-defying Radar Magazine.

Apparently, Ms. Simpson has been calling editors at all the tabbies to clean up the mess caused by her now canned publicist, Rob Shuter.

Bercovici writes:

A penitent Simpson expressed gratitude for the boost the weeklies have given her career, determination to take on a more direct role in dealing with them, and sadness at having become an object of scorn for the very magazines that once treated her like a goddess. "She's wondering why they all turned on her," says the source. Adds another person close to the situation, "It was kind of like, 'Hi, I'm actually a human being.'"

We were going to get on the horn and call all the readers we've offended, but then we thought, "Ah, fuck em. What's for lunch?"

• Sounds like Drudge creamed his pants over Anderson Cooper's proclamation that "going gray is like ejaculation" even more than we did.

• Speaking of ejaculate, STD cases in the gay community are on their way up, up, up. Someone please cue the Evangelicals. This is about when they start to claim this is God's way of punishing homos.

• Images from Gay.com didn't just magically appear on Mayor James West's computer after all. Yeah, obviously.

• Radar Magazine goes all kissy face and lists the top ten guy on guy movie smooches. Funny thing is we thought this article would only end up in the straight guy pages of Details.

• Saudi police busted up a gay beauty pageant before it even happened. Among the items they confiscated were large quantities of "sex toys." Um, what kind of beauty pageant was this going to be?

• Can't wait for it to come out next week? MTV.com is streaming Madge's new disc.