While we typically eschew reality television about rich twats, we're oddly, embarrassingly excited for this new offering:

You wanna be Paris Hilton’s BFF? What about a seat in Brody Jenner’s entourage? The The Hills professional hanger-on has scored his own Ryan Seacrest-produced reality show, Bromance, which will spit out six episodes on MTV where other fame seekers compete to hang out at Hyde with Jenner.
…
To make this an even more homoerotic experience – you know, besides naming the show Bromance – contestants voted off the show will be ousted in a Hot Tub Elimination Ceremony, where losers will be sent home dripping wet in their swimsuit. And that’s after the guys go on “group dates” and try to score “alone time” with Jenner.

Please, god, let their be a blow-off…

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The American Idol machine appears to be falling apart as of late, and a new interview with Brian Dunkleman will likely not help matters.

Dunkleman, as you may recall, co-hosted the competition’s first season with Ryan Seacrest but stepped aside to allow Seacrest the chance to take over the world.

Dunk gave an interview on Adam Carolla’s radio show to talk about his time on Idol, where he said he “developed such self-hatred” for taking part in a show he claims was mean-spirited and targeted specific contestants in an effort to break them.
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• Some fool named Homo Homie sent us this "music" video. Sorry, babe, we don't know if you have a career ahead of you. We do (sort of) think your rhyme's 9sort of) hot. Sort of.

• Michelangelo's naked Jesus comes out after 500 years!

• Ryan Seacrest to host the Emmy Awards. Get ready for hours of awkward moments and juvenile jokes.

• Where has all the testosterone gone?

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Big News in Gayville. And when we say "big," we mean "a sort-of-famous E! network staple homo-journo plans on getting hitched". No, not Steve Kmetko. No, not Mark Malkin. No, not even Ryan Seacrest. Give up? Ted Casablanca! (As if the headline didn't tip you off.)

That's right, everyone's favorite toothy yet handsome columnist has accepted soon-to-be hubbie Jon Powell's proposal. Or, at least, that's what Defamer heard from Stony_Curtis who heard it from Casablanca's The Awful Truth:

Which brings me to why I feel like Ms. Hilton today—kinda/sorta/maybe just a li'l. All legal and loony, really. See, my partner, whose name is Jon Powell, got all rather Paris Latsis when we were on a deserted Hawaiian beach.

Mind you, J. didn't have a huge-butt rock with him, but, he did do something that's often accompanied with such brilliant specimens: He proposed. And I do mean marriage… [And] I said yes.

So, get ready, Ah-nuld, you homo-bashing big-hair. Since the California legislature approved gay marriage, only to be vetoed by your fruit-served self (I mean, do you all know how many gays have serviced Schwarzenegger's girlie coiffure alone?), I suspect my attention to your sorry and sagging behind will only increase during my engagement.

'Cause a gossip columnist can't live by love alone.

How romantic: a beach, a comparison to Paris Hilton and a threat to highlight a Governor's political shortcomings. Mr. Casablanca truly is in love.

Ryan Seacrest again fanned flames that he's a flamer on last night's American Idol. There have been a few slip-ups in the past, but this is by far the biggest slip-up that he likes to slip-up into men. Watch our admittedly shitty video and let us know what you think.

What's our opinion? Quite honestly, we're not sure what to think anymore. Yes, Seacrest seems a bit lavender, but perhaps it's all just a publicity-grabbing ruse. If so, it worked. If not - well, we suggest that Seacrest heed Cowell's advice and come on out of that there closet.

Watching the Oscar red carpet madness gives us such a headache. We can't keep track of who's who, what they're doing there and why we should care.

The kids over at E! were certainly no help - not only did they not seem to know the answers to those pressing questions, they didn't seem to give two shits. The complete and utter stupidity of Ryan Seacrest, Giuliana Depandi and homo extraordinaire Jay Manuel from America's Next Top Model was only eclipsed by former The View co-host Debbie Manopoulos. When asked how she stays so thin, she said "I don't eat". The duo over at ABC weren't any better and Joan and Melissa Rivers on TV Guide really couldn't hold our attention.

As hard as it may be to believe, the only person we could focus on in the celebrity cluster fuck was Sally Kirkland. Coincidentally enough, her reality defying, rabbi designed dress seems to be made from the rainbow flag. Thus, she's our Oscar patron saint.

So, round of applause for Ms. Kirkland. Crazy's never looked so good. Or so disturbing.

See some more red carpet shots, after the jump…

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• So, Italian PM Romano Prodi's handed in his resignation over some bullshit - apparently he wanted expand the US military base northern Italy and send more troops to Afghanistan, but some colleagues thought that the price too high. That doesn't constitute quitting, we don't think. But is sure is a convenient death for that gay marriage bill, huh? [BBC News]

• Meanwhile, things are a fright down over in Tanzania. Apparently there's a man-raping bat demon on the loose and the only way to stop it's by getting lubed up and sleeping with a bunch of men. Actually, we may have found our next travel destination… [BBC News via Can O Whoop Ass]

• From man-raping bat demons to soul-sucking brain zombies: the cinematic backdrop for The Georgraphy Club author and known homosexual, Brent Hartinger's latest title: Split Screen: Attack of the Soul-Sucking Brain Zombies. We haven't read it, but we're down for pretty much anything that involves zombies. [AfterEllen Blog]

• In other soul-sucking brain zombie news: Howard K. Stern. [TMZ]

• Despite all these crumbling governments and ghoulish monsters, there's still more Oprah on Ellen Promotional Madness! (Co-Starring Steadman.) [YouTube]

• At least Guantanamo's got something going for it: Gaytanamo. [Gay Porn Blog]

• Oh, right, we forgot about yesterday's weirdness: that spiteful exchange between Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest. You kids can fill in the blanks, we're sure. [IHT]

• UPDATE: Don't forget to come get drunk with us at the Jimmy Im endorsed, eastern bloc housed Goodtimes. Details after the jump…

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• Someone buy Carson Kressley's book for Carson Kressley, please! (Thanks, Radar.)

• Maybe Kressley can then give the book to Ontario's Health Minister, George Smitherman - he's marrying his long-time beau this summer.

• We're sure President Bush won't be invited. We're also sure he'll be really offended. You know, because he's so compassionate.

• Here's a little tonic for your upset tummy: rumor has it that John Barrowman may sign on to play a seductive gay villain opposite Daniel Craig's James Bond.

• After you're done thinking about Barrowman getting naked with Bond, why not think about some of the most famous young designers, some of whom we'd like to get naked with, too. After we play dress up, of course.

• Now you've picked out your wardrobe, allouw John Mayer to provide a lesson in how not to open an interview with Ryan Seacrest, "You’re like the Anderson Cooper of E!” Oh, wait, actually, we think every interview with Ryan Seacrest should start like that…

• Watching Anderson Cooper giggle with Jon Stewart about Angelina Jolie's hotness is like watching Ellen DeGeneres fawn over Jesse Metcalfe.

• Sure, Ryan Seacrest, you're totally into girls — even if Vince Vaughn is "at the top of my hump island when it comes to guys!" [Wizbang Pop]

• Jonathan Rhys Meyers is looking for a premiere gay role to really take his career to the next level. 'Cause the fag he played in 1998's Velvet Goldmine wasn't socially important enough. [Towleroad]

You remember those photos of the tight-lipped "kiss" between American Idol's Ryan Seacrest and Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher. Hatcher is now saying she would rather use a dating service than put herself through another agonizing photoshoot date with Seacrest, and that they most certainly are not dating, which begs the question. Yes, that very same question.

Teri Hatcher Says She's Not With Ryan Seacrest [Starpulse]

• A West Virginia police chief allegedly blocked life-saving measures for Claude Green, pictured, because Green was gay. Unbelievable. [SF Chronicle]

• Ryan Seacrest undresses a 17-year-old boy. With his eyes. [Aanthems]

• A celebrity comes out of the closet. On Pinoy Big Brother. [The Manila Bulletin]

• The Da Vinci Code and Load will be released on the same day!. [The Book Standard]

• Myspace the movie. Brilliant. [You Tube]

• Gay bar attacker Jacob Robida's bedroom was decorated with "homemade posters slurring gays, African-Americans, and Jews; neo-Nazi literature and skinhead paraphernalia; a makeshift coffin; and an empty knife sheath." And this guy tried to bludgeon people? You don't say! [The Boston Globe]

• Ryan Seacrest did not storm off a radio show after being asked about his sexuality. But we're sure everyone agrees that the question still stands. [Editor & Publisher]

• We're sure you're all tired of the plethora of Brokeback Mountain trailer parodies. But for those of you who can't get enough, we present Brokeback to the Future. [You Tube via Defamer]

• The New York Times finally discovers gay ski week in Aspen and all the fabulous drag queens that go with it. [NY Times]

• The Elton John/Bernie Taupin musical Lestat appears to be in trouble. Delays and cancellations are never a good sign. [Philadelphia Daily News]

• Effectively ignoring the attitudes of their more progressive Spanish neighbors, Portugal denies some dykes the right to get married. [BBC]

• Ryan Seacrest supports "don't ask, don't tell." At least when it comes to questions regarding his sexuality. [The Trentonian via Gawker]

• Andy has plenty of evidence that suggests Punxsutawney Phil is gay, but what we really want to know is if he's a top or a bottom. Since he's into burrowing himself into holes, we suspect it's probably the former. [Towleroad]

• Elton John's upcoming aging rock star ABC sit-com is not based on his own life. And don't you even dare call him "over-the-hill." [Reuters UK]

• Swedish prosecutors are no longer pursuing a Christian nut who has compiled an online gay death list. Um, sounds rational. [The Local]

• You know what makes us "physically sick?" Knowing there are people out there who have never heard of Brokeback Mountain. [Times Mail News]

• Texans will make sure gays can't marry in that state but they'll take as much GLBT money as they can get! [CBS 11]