I'm Coming Out

5 Reasons Why Christopher Columbus Was Gay

It’s Columbus Day, which is sort of the Bizarro version of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, when we honor a man who worked to liberate a minority. It’s also just a day before National Coming Out Day—the Bizarro version of Christmas, which is when we pretend a jolly bear who likes toys is actually married to a woman.

Which got us thinking: Was Christopher Columbus a maricón?

Last year, CultureMap Houston’s Jennifer Patterson wondered the same thing. She came up with five good reasons why Columbus preferred seamen to the ladies. Here’s a condensed version:

1. His name was Christopher Columbus. Not Chris but Christopher. As David Rakoff says, “Of course it’s not ‘Adam and Steve.’ It’s Adam and Stephen. No gay man in his right mind would go by ‘Steve.’ ”

2. He always wore that frilly little hat. Gay men are great at accessorizing.

3. He has a statue in South Montrose. Everyone knows that’s gay-town.

4. He hung out with Queen Isabella a lot. Queens love queens.

5. His marriage was pure politics. He married Filipa Moniz Perestrelo, the daughter of the Porto Santo governor and Portuguese nobleman of Genoese origin Bartolomeu Perestrelo. Some records report that Filipa died in 1485. Others speculate that Columbus may have simply left his first wife… because he was gay.

Hmm, Saturday was Yom Kippur. Was Columbus Jewish?