A Reddit user asked the r/AskGayMen community earlier this month for a primer on gay bathhouses and saunas, saying that he’s considering going to his first one in Amsterdam. “Anything to share on what I could expect and how I should prepare?” he wrote in his post.
Luckily for him, Redditors who have steamed up saunas had suggestions for what to do, who to do, and what to bring.
“Towels, slippers/flip flops, a key for your locker,” one user responded. “Wear your flip flops at all times! Or bring your own. That’s probably safer. Be firm and direct in saying no to anyone you don’t want to play with. There are condoms and lube sachets available in most rooms. If you’re not already on PrEP, I’d recommend playing only with condoms, you don’t know who’s using PrEP and who isn’t. [Editor’s note: The CDC recommends condom use for every sexual encounter.] You can say no to anyone, and you can just sit in the sauna/steam room/jacuzzi to chill for the whole event. You don’t even have to do anything sexual, can literally just exist and unwind. The best blowjobs will come from the men in the glory holes. The best kisses come from those who you sneak off to a room with.”
Related: This gay bathhouse wants “NoMoreC” in Amsterdam
Another commenter wrote: “Perhaps this is obvious, but prepare your body as you would for any hookup. Shower, douche (if applicable), brush your teeth, use mouthwash, etc. I like to walk around the facility after getting undressed so I can see all the offerings. Throughout the night you should keep walking around as guys will occupy different spaces in groups depending on the action. Most bathhouses in Europe have a bar inside so you can get a drink and relax in a non sexual environment.”
A third user advised the OP to tell the bathhouse staff that it’s his first time. “If it is a good place, they will give you the rundown and maybe tour,” that user wrote. “You might go in one day and just ask what time people come in. In the states, it is often older men in the mornings, [and at] lunch time it can be a mixed crowd. Most younger guys come in the evenings or late at night after the bars start shutting down. Walk around, see what is going on and what may interest you.”
Related: I’m afraid of going into a bathhouse… but it’s all I can think about
Another commenter reporting doing just that, disclosing his status as a bathhouse virgin during his first time. “The attendant spread it around. Turns out, for a little while, I was the prize,” that commenter said. “Went in the afternoon. Mostly guys my age. Yes, I am hooked.”
Others, meanwhile, were more succinct with their advice. “Like any new place, go, hang out, enjoy a nice hot bath/shower/hot tub/sauna, look around,” one person recommended. “If something pops up, you’ll know what to do.”
And another person wrote, “Get tested before and after. Stay safe.”
Brian
Boredom. I’d say the most important thing to be prepared for is boredom. I’ve been to lots of bathhouses on the east and west coasts, and almost every time I didn’t have sex.
You can meet more people (and so, it’s more likely that you’ll meet someone you like) at concerts or festivals or other activities.
Joshooeerr
And you’ll pick up faster on Grindr. And be better able to see how they actually look.
AmblinGuy
No shade intended at all to Josh – I am confused as to how (assumed) curated and possibly filtered photos on an app would provide a better ‘look’ at someone than actually seeing them, with your own eyes, in a real space. Seeing someone IRL provides not only the visual aspect of what they look like, but also a behavioral lens – how they move, react, treat others, etc. Sure the hookup may happen faster on an app but to ‘be better able to see how they actually look?’ This was just odd to read.
junior40
I live in Denver, we don’t have a bath house in this city can you believe it? We are a large city! I don’t believe there’s a city that’s large in the United States that doesn’t have a bath house so investors Jump On It!
ggore
Nope, there hasn’t been a gay bath house in Denver since the Ballpark Health Club back in the 70’s/80’s. It was great, I had lots of fun there.
Cody
Actually, Denver used to have three bathhouse, but they all closed over the past few years. They were Midtowne Spa, The Triple C, and The Denver Swim Club.
gregg2010
You used to have The Denver Swim Club which was a wonderful, friendly, and highly sexual facility.
andrewl
Wow I am surprised about Denver. I lived in Denver until 12 years ago and there were 3 bathhouses. The Denver Swim Club was pretty good and I have some great memories of fun times there. There was a dreadful one downtown (not the Mid Towne Spa) that made me feel full of STIs by just walking in there. Went once and never returned. Now Denver doesn’t have any? Wow. Times change.
sgb609
What happened to Midtown Spa? My husband and I visited Denver in September 2021 and tried that place out. It was our first (and so far only) time at a bath house. We were close to the only ones there but had a lot of fun together.
DCFarmboy
Bathhouses are a wonderful part of the Gay community. Given that most of the patrons are from the Stonewall era, you can really learn a lot about our community’s history by talking with them.
still_onthemark
Ouch!
GayEGO
I went to bathhouses on the East and West coasts and had sex in them………when I was a youngster!
Antone
I’ve had many a fun times spending the afternoon at the bathhouse. ” Steam Portland”
# 1 tip , prepare… play safe , condoms or (Prep)
Secondly , smile and relax. Can’t say it enough.
Once your able , sexual encounters will become more frequent… However intimidating it may feel.. Remember we are all there for the same reason. Sexually active gay men looking for a little bit of fun…Enjoy.