An Ohio man says he just doesn’t understand why his gay son and son-in-law have stopped talking to him after he said he doesn’t support same-sex marriage and hopes their relationship fails, so he’s writing to advice columnist Annie Lane for help.
“It seems impossible for me to mend my relationship with my son,” the father laments. “He is 38, and I am 68. Back when he was 22, he came out of the closet and told us he was gay.”
The father goes on to say that it took him several years of therapy to accept his son’s sexuality but eventually he was able to come to terms with it.
“My son and I got along for a while. But a few years ago, Ohio passed legislation legalizing same-sex marriage. To me that was a big no-no, because men don’t marry men. I let him know, big-time, that I was against it.”
So you can imagine the father’s shock when his son met a man and got married.
“He found someone to officiate the marriage and marry him and his partner. He even got the marriage license. But he didn’t get married through a traditional church.”
The father continues, “I told him I would never accept it, and that I hoped his marriage fails. Of course, he didn’t like that at all.”
We can’t imagine why.
The father says he’s calmed down since then and has apologized several times for openly wishing his son’s marriage ends in divorce, even though, deep down, he’s still not OK with it.
So why can’t his son just get over it already?
“I want him to put this one thought aside and agree to disagree,” the father writes. “For two years, he and his husband have wanted nothing to do with me at all!”
In her response, Annie Lane doesn’t sugar coat anything.
“If you want to be part of your son’s life, then you’re going to have to accept that he’s gay,” she writes.
“You seem to recognize this fact, and I take it you’re still trying to work past your feelings in counseling.”
Lane goes on to tell the guy that if he’s not in therapy, he definitely should be because, at the end of the day, it would be pretty sad if he lost his relationship with his son over something like this.
“I urge you to keep going to counseling and to keep digging within your heart for a way to get past this,” she writes.
“He is your son, and life is short. It would be heartbreaking if you two went the rest of yours without ever speaking again.”