Beyonce may be #flawless, but gay men certainly aren’t. As much as we’d like to think we’re without any faults, the truth is, there’s always room for improvement. Madonna, ever the sage, said it best with her throwaway song “Nobody’s Perfect” from her 2000 album “Music” in which she crooned: “Nobody’s perfect. Nobody’s perfect! What did you expect? I’m doing my best!”
The question now is: Are you doing your best?
Scroll down and see.
Here are 10 of the most obnoxious types of homosexual men.
10. Unnecessarily Bitchy Twinks
You see them in the clubs, usually huddled together in groups of three or four, dressed in skinny jeans and no shirt, showing off their svelte, boyish frames while sipping fruity beverages and surveying the the other club goers with discerning looks of
insecurity superiority. Yes, they want to be noticed. But don’t you dare talk to them. If you do, you’ll only be met with dramatic eye rolls and lots of attitude.
9. Total Tops
Otherwise known as guys who are afraid of bottoming because “it hurts.”
8. “No Blks Or Azns” Gays
We’re not trying to police who a person should be attracted to, because everyone has his own particular types and preferences. However, when you make a point of listing the specific races and/or ethnicities of men who you don’t like on your Grindr profile, it makes you seem, well, kinda racist, not to mention closed-minded. As the old saying goes: Don’t knock it ’till you try it.
7. Die Hard Gaga Defenders
Though they may be a dying breed, as suggested by her sinking record sales, there are still plenty of gay men out there who wholeheartedly believe Lady Gaga is the second coming of
Madonna Christ and if you deign to say anything even remotely critical about their mother monster they will make it their personal mission to hunt you down and destroy you… Or at least accuse you of being a “bully” and then rip you to shreds on comment boards, Twitter and Facebook. Don’t believe us? Scroll down to the comment board right now and see for yourself.
6. Snarky, Self-Hating Gays
You know the ones. They like to scowl at dinner parties and grumble about how much the world sucks and how everyone else is to blame for their misery and blah, blah, blah. They have opinions, usually negative, about everything, which they spew at anyone who has the misfortune of sitting next to them. Their sole mission in life is to drag everyone else down into the mud with them. And when that doesn’t work, they just get more drunk and bitch about how they don’t give a shit if gay marriage is made legal because it’s not like they want to get married anyway, before slinging their albatross over the chip on their shoulder and making the lonely trek home.
5. Log Cabin Republicans
While we’re on the subject of self-hating gays, we’ve never quite been able to wrap our heads around gay guys who align themselves with a political party that is actively working against their equal rights. Seriously, guys, WTF?
4. Snooty, Self-Righteous, “I Do Not Hook Up” Homosexuals
Not on Grindr? Congratulations. Would you like a medal to go with your chastity belt?
3. Narcissistic, Self-Obsessed, Selfie-Taking Gays
You’ve seen them at the gym taking a break between reps to casually pose for a photo in the mirror. You’ve seen them on Facebook sharing pictures of themselves laying out by the pool or sipping wine at a Napa vineyard. And you’ve seen them at the gay bar snapping not one, not two, but ten versions of the same photograph, trying to get the angle just right so that the pic looks flattering while at the same time spontaneous and fun. They are narcissistic, self-obsessed, selfie-taking gays. And they have no shame.
2. “No Drama” Drama Queens
These are fellas who make a point of talking about how they are “not into drama” on their dating profiles, which is usually the first indication that they are, in fact, very much into drama.
1. “Ex-Gay” Gays
Despite global scientific consensus that one cannot voluntarily change one’s sexual orientation, there is still a rogue group of
gay bisexual deeply confused Christians who claim that, through the power of prayer and with love from Jesus Christ, they were able to turn themselves straight. To help affirm their heterosexuality, they’ve married women and produced children. Some of them have even launched official “ex-gay” groups and campaigned against things like the closing of conversion clinics. Of course, a quick peek at their internet browser histories would likely betray their clever charades. But, hey, to each his own, right?
BONUS: Irritating Gay Bloggers Who Crack Bad Jokes And Point Fingers At Others
Guilty as charged!