Fanny Facts

Five Things You Should Know About Your Ass

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It is pretty clear that gay men have major thing for all things anal. We don’t mean to rain on your patootie parade, but there are important things about your (second) favorite body part that you need to know so you don’t get any unwanted junk in your trunk.

Most of this applies to every single one of us, so listen up. We’re talking to you, total tops! (And hey, call us.)

Queerty spoke to expert fanny physician Elie Schochet, MD, of Ft Lauderdale, who has become a popular go-to man on anal health. His town hall events on the subject are swarming with gay men, and his “Team Happy Hineys” is even the largest AIDS Walk group in south Florida this year.

“I’m a straight man who tells gay guys how to use their ass right,” he told us. “It’s been a real education on both sides. But the medical facts are way too important not to talk about this openly.” The good doctor definitely has no anal shame.

Let’s see if you can say the same by checking out these important messages…

1. Respect your sphincter!

Pain is a signal from our body that something is wrong. Yes, anal sex can hurt as you learn to relax, but real pain should never be ignored, no matter how insistent the top might be. Your anus needs to last you a really long time and injuries can mean a lifetime of problems.

Just because you’re watching a porn movie with a guy shoving dining room furniture up his moneymaker doesn’t mean you should have his dexterity. Don’t let your eyes get bigger than your booty.

If your ass swallows a foreign object, seek medical help if it doesn’t come out easily. (Fun fact: the most interesting object Dr. Schochet has removed from someone’s caboose was a Buzz Lightyear action figure. “In the owner’s defense, the wings were not extended,” said the doctor.)

“Don’t try removing it yourself,” cautions Dr. Schochet. “I tell gay men in the area that I will make a house call if necessary. Regardless, an embarrassing trip to the ER is better than doing yourself permanent damage.

2. Not everyone is built to be a bottom.

We’re all different, and that includes how our insides are built. “Everyone lives with a different level of sphincter muscle tone” said Dr. Schochet. “There will be some that no matter how willing (or how drunk) they are, they will never be able to accommodate even small objects without discomfort.” If you have constant pain from being penetrated and you know it isn’t just nerves, your days on the bottom bunk may be over.

“If you’re not sure, try using increasing sizes of dildos to see if it’s just a stretching issue,” suggests Dr. Schochet. “You don’t work out with 50 pound dumbbells before the 25 pound ones, so don’t try the salami before the pepperoni.” If you’re still unsure, see a doctor about what’s up with your love canal before you damage something.

3. Fiber is your friend.

This isn’t just about older people needing a dependable bathroom break. Fiber keeps your digestive track clear of debris that can cause infections or worse. And the benefits to bottoms who like to be spontaneous are pretty obvious.

For gym rats who love squats and have the hemorrhoids to prove it, fiber can also help keep the hemorrhoids from flaring. “Fruits and vegetables are good, but oatmeal and whole grains are better,” said Dr. Schochet, “and a daily supplement of Psyllium husk is the best.”

4. Gay men have a dangerous risk of anal cancer and it isn’t getting better.

Anal cancer rates among gay men are higher than cervical cancer in all women prior to the introduction of pap smears. If you are living with HIV, your cancer risk is more than 100 times greater than average.

“My hospital is in the middle of a very gay city and sees anal cancer 400% more than the national average,” said Dr. Schochet. “Why isn’t anyone talking about this?”

A little blood in your stool now and then is normal, and everybody gets an itch, a rash, or a bump on occasion. Go ahead and try home remedies or over-the-counter treatments. But seek help if it doesn’t get better. “Cancers don’t start as big lumps,” says Dr. Schochet. “They start as a small lump or bump that gets ignored over time.”

The culprit is usually Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), the most common type of sexually transmitted disease. It has hundreds of strains and most of us are likely to be carrying several of them and never see symptoms. That’s why early detection is important. So…

5. Real men ask for a pap smear.

Anal pap smears are a must for gay men over 50, and make that 40 if you’re HIV positive. It’s a simple swab of your anus and not to be confused with a basic anal exam. Pap smears can detect cancerous cells that are invisible to the naked eye or touch, and finding them early can mean the difference between developing cancer or not.

Ditto that for a colonoscopy, which aren’t nearly as bad as their reputation. You drink the special booty cocktail the night before, poop a lot, and then enjoy a lovely nap while they take a deep look inside you. They even give you photos of your innermost terrain, so your next Christmas card is all set!

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30 Comments

  • Xzamilio

    And number 6. Your anus is not a vagina. As good as it feels, it is an exit that we make an entrance. Calling it “boi pussy” don’t make it kitty kat, and if your anus is getting “wet” and creaming… that’s not a good thing and you may want to seek medical attention. Yes, the anus naturally secrets mucus for aiding in passing stools, but it is not lube, and the anus does not self-lubricate.

    Please send me info if that consensus has changed, because I’m still waiting for evidence of this male anus self-lubricating phenomenon.

  • IM1DRNY

    Another great article from Mark and some important information from Dr. Schochet. I would point out that HPV is a huge issue with gay men. In fact the CDC states that nearly ALL sexually active people will get HPV at some point. To reduce your risk of infection get tested and vaccinated! The CDC recommends all gay men under the age of 26 be vaccinated. Talk to your doctor, determine whether the vaccine is right for you, and take action. I did.

  • Bob LaBlah

    @Xzamilio: “Calling it “boi pussy” don’t make it kitty kat, and if your anus is getting “wet” and creaming… that’s not a good thing and you may want to seek medical attention. Yes, the anus naturally secrets mucus for aiding in passing stools, but it is not lube, and the anus does not self-lubricate.”

    Try telling that to gay porn stars Armond Rizzo/Joey Rodriguez (the little queen bills under both but always give a SPECTACULAR performance in everything she does), Remy Mars (whom I would rank in the top THREE greats as for bottoms of all time), Randy Cochran (gay porn star of the 1980’s era whom I’m glad to say is still with us who will always rank around nor two in my book for all time greats) and Brent Corrigan (yawn, but give credit where it is due because her double penetration scenes are award winning). It seems very hard to believe that those greats don’t have a pussy back there. (lol)

  • Xzamilio

    @Bob LaBlah: Oh, I’ve seen a few pornos where the backdoor has been stretched out and would qualify as a vagina-ish in appearance. But I don’t care about that because if they like it, I love it… do what makes you feel great as long as it’s safe. But, I will be honest and admit that I personally get flaccid when I hear a guy refer to his anus as “boi pussy.” But, that’s my hangup and am not in any way forcing it on others.

  • Tackle

    @Xzamilio: I disagree with you about the anus not being self-lubricating. Some are. I’ve witnessed and experienced this up-close and personal, twice. With two play mates of mine. I don’t know what the hell it was: body oil,juice, sweet, mucus etc: But it was so self lubricating, that no man made lube was needed…

  • petensfo

    @IM1DRNY: So, does vaccination take place only prior to becoming sexually active or is there a reason later in life to still vaccinate?

  • Xzamilio

    @Tackle: Great… and people have witnessed aliens. Anecdotes don’t really do much here, and there is no science supporting you. Soooooo… yeah.

  • Xzamilio

    @Bob LaBlah: Bryan Hawn… hyena man. It’s nice, but it got old after seeing it was all he had to offer [his butt], and not to mention, subsequent videos showed it was more of the arch of his back and the angling, than anything else. It’s nice though… but that’s gonna need maintenance as he gets older. I see “work” in his future… and present, if you ask me.

  • Giancarlo85

    @Bob LaBlah: Bob, porn isn’t the real world. And you keep talking about Rizzo and Rodriguez… I’m not sure those two will last long and will probably end up infected knowing the lackadaisical standards in the porn industry. Recently the porn industry put up a huge fuss about a recent LA Law.

    Lol… Los Angeles passed a measure which I voted on (and yes I am a US citizen). I voted “Yes on Measure B”.

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-30489942 – A court upheld the law too.

    The porn industry were up in arms and threatening to leave California (mainly Chatsworth).

    An ass is not a pussy. And porn is not reality.

  • Giancarlo85

    @Xzamilio: Yeah he is just talking nonsense. Maybe the guy he was didn’t clean up there. Anuses are NOT self lubricating. People can have their fantasies and disagree all they want… but that’s just scientific reality.

  • Bob LaBlah

    “And you keep talking about Rizzo and Rodriguez… I’m not sure those two will last long and will probably end up infected knowing the lackadaisical standards in the porn industry.”

    Dummy, they are the same person. If you concentrated more on what was being said that thinking of a smart ass response to damn near everything people say on this board you would not come off as the pendejito you obviously are. Just as yesterday and the rent/cost of living situation you, as we say down here, “showed your ass” in your comment. Or should I say rant.

    You already have your ignorants prepared and are just waiting for the reply so you can simply hit send without reading the response. What a irritating, lonely little fool (pendejo) you are. I would not be in a hurry to tell people that I am as young as you are and have nothing else to do with my life but look for ways to insult and old, pancaked ass queen like me on the internet. Your comments reveal more about you than me. Frustration is blaring all over the screen with each comment from you.

  • Giancarlo85

    @Bob LaBlah: Listen, I do not care if they are the same person. HIV infection is more common among porn stars than you think. You are highly immature. You are a little shit who doesn’t seem to listen. I made valid points about cost of living. You fool, you don’t know anything about me.

    I’m lonely? Look at the damn mirror, you miserable old hermit. You are the one with no life. And I didn’t even insult you in that prior post. I made a valid point about porn stars and voted on law here in California. You are just too stupid to see that.

    So go fuck yourself.

  • Black Pegasus

    I agree with what many have already stated: The Anus is not self lubricating!

    When I hear some queen insisting that his ass (or some other bottom’s ass) can “creme”. I immediately tune him out and subconsciously place him in the bottom of the heap in terms of respectability and social hierarchy. Ignorance is something I detest! And the insistence to hold onto ‘ignorance’ at all costs is something I find intolerable.

  • Paco

    @Black Pegasus: When I hear that, I automatically assume they have a raging case of chlamydia.

  • Blackceo

    @Xzamilio:

    YES to all of that!!!!!!

  • Fang

    Fun fact: Fanny actually refers to a vagina. That’s why a fanny pack is in the front rather than the back. I don’t know where or when fanny became slang for ass, because that was not its original meaning. So, when the article refers to “fanny”, we can just think of the term “boi pussy” instead, much to Xzamilio’s dismay. ^^

  • Xzamilio

    @Fang: Dismay? Get over yourself, dude… I’m just fine.

  • Saint Law

    Queerty is worth logging in just for Giancarlo and Bob LaBlah’s romantic correspondence.

    Get a room, boys!

  • ISpeakOnlyTruth

    @Xzamilio:

    Do you share this same information with your straight friends WHO DO partake in the same practice, or do you just limit your comment to gays?

  • Billy Budd

    The most important thing about the ass is that it is not deep. There is an inside wall which is easily reached by the penis, causing intense pain and AT THE SAME TIME pressuring the prostate. So it is a painful pleasure: The definition of anal sex.

  • Xzamilio

    @ISpeakOnlyTruth: I wasn’t aware my girlfriends were calling their asses “boi pussy.” I’ll have to ask them later… The hell is your problem, other than the usual needing something whine about as most on this site do? “Why you bursting my bubble over something I like to call my butthole?”

    So transparent…

  • Paco

    @Bob LaBlah: “It starts off stimulating but by the end I was turned off for some reason but can’t quite figure out why.”

    Maybe because throughout most of the video, he looks like he is trying hard not to pinch one out. That’s what it looks like to me. LOL

  • Giancarlo85

    @Saint Law: He is a horrible person… And probably hasnt had sex or even contact with a guy in thirty years. I don’t even have pity for him. He is a sad desperate lonely fool.

  • Captain Obvious

    @Bob LaBlah: Agreed. When I first discovered his channel I thought he was attractive and somewhat interested then all that faded pretty quickly.

    Plus his ass isn’t even all that big in the first place. Making it out to be your only interesting “feature” is pretty ridiculous.

  • Billy Budd

    Do you think maybe he put silicone implants in his butt?

  • bottom250

    Oh my god sweethearts I know every nook and cranny of my ass and so do many men.

  • Gerald Panuthos

    excellent info! thanks for sharing.

  • Realitycheck

    @Billy Budd:
    Work out and genetic will do, my ass is better then that, I get complimented all the time.
    It just doen’t happen over night, you need years of work out to get there…….

  • DSilvain

    Hum… So… I got to this page actually trying to find out if an ass can lubrificate… Because mine kind of does, at least that’s what the guys that plow it say… Any reason why? I’m really not saying i do or don’t, kind of an unknown area to me

Comments are closed.