Dogs are known as man’s best friend.
That is, apparently, unless they see a man bottom.
A distressed gay posted on Reddit’s “r/askgaybros” about how his beloved doggie won’t listen to him after catching him in the submissive act.
“I’d rather not go too into specifics but I had a guy over a couple weeks ago for a hookup and forgot to close the door so my Akita I’ve had for 2 years wandered in while we were going at it,” he writes.
“The guy was being pretty rough and I was getting into it moaning being slutty you know bottom things until the top pointed out the dog was watching us,” he writes. “I got him out of the room and closed the door but since then my dog doesn’t seem to want to listen to me, respect my authority, or even spend much time with me. I try to pet or hug him and he growls or moves away, that wasn’t the case before.”
First of all, we love how our guy says he doesn’t want to get into specifics, and then writes one of the craziest paragraphs ever. That leaves us wondering: what is he leaving out?!? (“Bottom things” probably provides a clue.)
Later, our confused bro asks whether his mutt could be homophobic, or just dislike bottoms?
These are the questions that must be answered!
Luckily, Gay Twitter™ pumped out plenty of ideas.
The "you know bottom things" with zero punctuation fucking kills me— Biddleee Who? (@BiddleeeW) November 4, 2023
He is not the alpha no more— el_conklin (@el_conklin) November 4, 2023
Homophobic king 🐶— JustAdrian (@YourManAdrian) November 4, 2023
For many years, dogs were believed to follow the “dominance theory,” which says canines are driven to achieve a top place in their household. The idea stemmed from early research into wolves’ behavior. When scientists observed them in captive environments, they acted aggressively and fought each other for food and partners.
Since dogs descend from wolves, research suggested they also fight amongst each other to achieve “alpha status.”
But there were problems with the way researchers observed the wolves, whom they kept in captivity with few resources. The wolves were distressed, and behaving more aggressively as a result.
Recent research shows wolves who live in the wild aren’t violent towards each other at all. “They live in cooperative family groups,” says Dog Trust, a U.K.-basked advocacy group. “When resources are scarce, rather than fighting, wolves spread out into smaller groups across a wider range of land. They avoid conflict where possible.”
The “dominance theory” is no longer prescribed to dogs, either, leading to the elimination of physically harsh training techniques.
But back to our nervous bottom: what’s his dog’s problem?!
One Reddit user suggests his dog might be taking his cues.
“It totally is possible that your dog sees you as a less obvious dominant figure but I would imagine that it is more to do with how you interact with him and also if he has grown in size/strength/confidence recently,” he writes.
Others suggested the poster let his dog watch him top somebody to restore normalcy. Everybody respects a verse king!
With the advent of PrEP and evolved thinking, bottoms are no longer stereotyped as weak or effeminate. Troye Sivan dedicated a whole song to the practice, in case you didn’t know!
What’s going on here?!
Despite vast progress, apparently bottom equality still isn’t here. We need more great role models to bridge the gap.
“My dog won’t listen to me anymore after he saw me bottoming” guy wouldn’t be our first choice, but we’ll take what we can get.
his dog after seeing him getting topped: pic.twitter.com/GVYLM5Ct0y— naomi ✨ (@iamnaaomixx) November 5, 2023
"I'd rather not go into specifics" is the most amazing way to start this post.— JB(I've transcended pronouns) (@_john92_) November 4, 2023
Is bigger always better?