Adding certain benefits to friendships can be an awkward endeavor, but then again, many gays already have practice asking someone fancies a shag.
One guy who wants to get that ball rolling asked his Redditor brethren for tips in a recent thread. “I’ve been wanting a [friend with benefits] for a long time now but have no idea how to get one,” he wrote. “How did you guys meet? How did you initiate sex/being FWB? Any advice is appreciated.”
Related: Old gay men must stop hooking up with their friends and build healthier relationships, blogger says
And here are responses from commenters on the post, many of whom said the benefits came before the friendship.
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“I live in Miami. I really don’t know if it’s a cultural thing across different gay cities, but I find it easy to just be upfront about it. Doesn’t have to be awkward. I just ask. Sometimes, just through Grindr, a hookup becomes a friend, and I’ve already had sex with them so that boundary has already been crossed. It’s usually harder when you’re friends first, but I usually don’t shy away from letting a friend know I find them attractive and wouldn’t mind porking.”
“Usually just takes a guy from Grindr who’s receptive to the idea — although not many are into the idea, ‘cause pandemic. When it lets up, just go get coffee with people. If you both vibe with each other, then you go to someone’s place and f*ck, and if that works, you keep doing it. I’ve had one friend that way, and a few others through the highly LGBT group I’m in. Best advice I can give is be chill [and] try not to catch feelings, and if you do, be honest about it. Also be receptive to what the other person says. One of the best ’benefits’ of FWB is that you’ll get to know what each other likes in sex, so remembering details makes for a great time.”
“For all of my FWBs, the sex happened first. They’re all hookups who I ended up meeting with multiple times and becoming friends with.”
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“Some guys I’ve hooked up with so many times over the years, they just became friends as well. However, I only hang out with one of them. The rest, even though I consider them friends, are just regular hookups.”
“Eugenio hit on me. I was breaking up with my partner of 17 years and went online to a chat room. He found me, chatted me up. I told him he was too young for me. He asked how old is old enough. I said 28. Five years later, he contacts me again when he was 28. But of course, I didn’t find out until two years later that he was the guy I sent away because he was too young. Clint I met on Recon. He has a partner of 20-some years. He’s his partner’s top, and he is my boy. It works because although I would marry this man in a hot second, I knew what the deal was when we met and I haven’t tried to change it. Eugenio and I have been FWBs for 8 years. Clint and I have been FWBs for 5 years. Just don’t catch feelings, as your generation says.”
“My friend turned ex-boyfriend still lives with me because I have a [two-bedroom] and [he] always wants to cuddle but he gets hard and needs to put his d*ck somewhere, and sometimes I let him.”
“We’re friends who do actual, in-person friend things together. Looking for it on the apps isn’t the best way if you want actual friends. We met at the gym.”
o.codone
This kid at work figured it out, I am a di ck sucker. One day he came into my office, pulled down his pants and told me to suck it. I did. There was cum everywhere. Now, years later he still drives out to see me and to get some business done. He’s my FWB forever.
WindChime
Do you have no shame? It’s shocking how low some gays are willing to sink to get what they want.
boblrice
Who the F is this WindChime and how do we kick her and her clutched pearls out of here?
curiobi
Oooh, is the sex-shamer back? Haven’t heard from her in a while! We have a resident racist, who often goes by frappachino. Any number of weird trumpets, who Cam regularly tells to get lost, and we had a sex-shamer, but they went to far wishing death on people that liked hook-ups. We all flagged it , nd Q booted them. So new screen name and here we go again. Except no one cares! -After the year we have all had getting upset about consensual sex is laughable!
blackhook
LOL @ ‘WindChime’!!! Must be a guilt-ridden Catholic Virgin Mary. Note to self: If you ever start a religion, at least make up some better fairy tales…
Toofie
LOL, whenever it’s an article dealing with sex, he always comes in pearl clutching.
Mike Hunt
Miss Windchimes probably clutched her pearls and sent for her smelling salts upon reading this article.
Kevan1
@O.Codone sounds like a fantasy come true.
ScottOnEarth
Anything on reddit is pure fiction.
Prax07
I don’t really see a fwb as an actual friend. I don’t want sex with a friend, so it’s more of a regular hookup instead. If I’m going to spend time and hang out with the guy I’m having sex with, that’s a boyfriend.
1898
One guy who wants to get that ball rolling asked his Redditor brethren for tips in a recent thread. “I’ve been wanting a [friend with benefits] for a long time now but have no idea how to get one,” he wrote.
download grindr and write “looking for a FWB” in your profile
how do people like this learn to tie their shoes or put on pants without asking for instructions on reddit?
esrosejr
I am in my 80s. So, just to give some dimension to this, most of my best and long term gay male friends started with a bump in the night…or day. I was a frequent beneficiary of the personal ad in alternative newspapers. Media that no longer really exist. We would go through the ads, pick one, call or, in the beginning, write. Mailboxes were provided at the papers. Most were quickies, one time and ‘bye. Some became serial for a while. A few became lifetime friends. In those days, you met, went home, had sex and then moved on to new horizons. It ended suddenly for me one day…a nooner…in 1979. I met John and we kept it up. Never quit. Today we are still together. Eventually married, happy husbands now for decades. HEA
JeffBaker
When I was in college, this buddy of mine (from another school, he just stayed in our dorm) used to hang out and drink beer. One night I told him how cute I thought he was. A while later we started making out and fooling around. I was just realizing I was bisexual; he’d known he was bi for years. This lasted ’till we got out of school.