taste the rainbow

Gay guys give advice to bi-curious bro who wants to go on his first same-sex date

Two men talking

One straight Reddit user attracted hundreds of comments and even more upvotes on the r/askgaybros forum this month—and not because of any queerbaiting. This guy told the gay bros that a man asked him out, and given his bad luck with women, he’s considering saying yes. “Would that be totally wrong?” he asked.

In the preamble to his post, this Reddit user—we’ll call him Quentin the Questioner—said he doesn’t have much romantic experience. He has kissed a few girls, but he’s still a virgin at age 24, he revealed. QQ also said he has “great friends,” a “good social life,” and a “decent job,” and he gets many compliments about his looks.

“But I’m super short, and it probably doesn’t help that I’m wiry instead of buff or anything,” he added. “Girls are basically never interested, and I think I get it. They’re usually bigger than me, which probably feels weird, and if they’re not bigger, then they still have dozens of guys who are bigger than me interested in them too. Fair enough. I’ve done enough work on myself to know it’s no one’s fault.”

Now to the quandary at hand: Quentin said that a male friend, a “really cool guy,” recently asked him out. “It definitely wasn’t the first time someone assumed I was gay,” Quentin wrote in the post. “Like, I’m positive I’m into girls. I asked one female friend who thought I was gay when we first met why she thought that, and she said it was something about my well-groomed look. I am a bit of a neat freak.”

In response to the date request, Quentin “sort of laughed all weirdly like a total dork” and told his would-be paramour that he’s straight, he wrote. The guy took it well and asked Quentin to let him know if he ever changed his mind. And now Quentin is “sort of reconsidering and thinking about maybe bringing it back up again.”

Related: Straight people aren’t nearly as straight as they think, study suggests

He went on: “I’m pretty sure it’s wrong to date someone I’m not attracted to just because I’m lonely. But maybe if I was honest about it? Like, if I said I’m pretty sure I’m not into guys, but asked if he’d be interested in something casual and experimental to see how it goes? Or is that a totally selfish and assholish thing to ask?”

Quentin also said he thinks the guy is “way out of [his] league,” and he’s feeling insecure that the guy is “definitely over 6-foot.”

“Anyway, help a clueless and lonely guy out with some gaybro wisdom,” he asked. “Would it be totally, unquestionably sh*tty to suss this guy out for another date invitation? And if it isn’t, how would I even bring it up to him again?”

(By the way, Quentin added in a comment that the guy is “annoyingly good looking.”)

Related: Lonesome straight guy wonders if gay guys ever cuddle with hetero pals

Numerous commenters on the thread told Quentin to go for the gusto. “Just [be] honest, or at least say that you’re possibly open to exploring, and see where it goes,” one person said.

Another gay bro wrote: “Yeah, it’s not bad of you to do this, as long as you are honest with him upfront. That gives him the agency to decide if he wants to move ahead and go on a date with you. Honesty means it’s okay to tell him that you are a little unsure about this. Make your plan for the date to have as much fun with him as possible. Pick an activity (nothing passive like a movie) and a meal and treat it like a new bro you have met who you want to be friends with. Keep the stakes low—sex is off the table for the first date. But think about trying holding hands near the end or kissing if it feels right at the time.”

A third commenter wrote, “I think if you’re open with him about your sexuality and your intentions of going out with him, I say go for it. Meaning, say that you’ve only dated women but are curious to explore your sexuality and go out with a guy. He might not be into straight-curious, so be prepared. Worst that can happen is he says no or it’s a bad date. You don’t need to overthink bringing it up. ‘Hey, I’m interested in going on a date if you’re still down.’”

And it sounds like Quentin might take the guy up on his offer after all. “Cool, cool,” he wrote, replying to that last comment. “Worst thing he can say is no, right?”

He also said he might give Redditors an update “if there’s a happy ending,” so if you’re as romantic as we are, keep your eye on the thread for a Part 2!

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