A middle-aged gay man who describes himself as “socially awkward and shy” says he’s been paying straight dudes for sex for years and he doesn’t think it’s healthy, so he’s seeking help from advice legend Stoya over at Slate.
“I have struggled my entire life with dating,” the man explains, “always diving into a relationship with pretty much anyone who showed any interest in me at all whether I was really attracted or compatible with them or not.”
Needless to say, his relationships never work out and he’s developed severe self-esteem issues, along with some questionable habits, as a result.
Related: He only sleeps with straight dudes and here’s why
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“Ever since I was first discovering my attraction to other men in my early teens and 20s, I have actively looked to pay straight men for the chance to have sex with them,” he writes. “What this has usually amounted to was me paying them cash to give them oral sex.”
He continues, “It’s not something that I’m proud of, but it has really been the only consistent way that I’ve ever been able to have the sex that I desire and need. All of the guys that I have had these experiences with have been guys who were completely out of my league. I’ve simply accepted that this is how I can have sex.”
The man says he recently told a female friend about all this during a quarantine confession session and she was “appalled at me and told me that this was unhealthy for me and exploitative for the guys I deal with.”
Now he wonders: “Am I being unfair to myself and others getting the sex I need? I’ve never tried to force anyone to have sex with me, just offered them financial incentives to do so.”
Related: Straight man receives oral sex from another guy, enjoys it, wonders if he’s now gay
In her response, Stoya reminds the man that, in most places, prostitution is still against the law, so he should probably be careful lest he get into some “some serious legal trouble.”
“You’re potentially doing something illegal by paying people to engage in sexual activity with you,” she writes. “Illegal doesn’t necessarily mean wrong, but it might mean ‘bad idea.'”
As for his judgmental friend, Stoya says “she’s probably running more tense and sensitive than usual” because of this whole coronavirus thing, so maybe cut her some slack for her overly dramatic response.
“It might be worth revisiting the conversation when COVID has passed, the economy has recovered, and we’re all able to be a bit more chill.”
Lastly, Stoya tells the guy he may try going to therapy to work on his self-esteem issues, since they clearly don’t seem to be going away on their own.
Related: Gay men dish on what it’s really like hooking up with straight dudes
“You say that all of this straight-guy compensation stems from low self-esteem,” she writes. “A qualified professional—LGBTQ friendly, sex-positive, and kink-aware—should be able to help you tease out what’s sexual pleasure and what’s self-destruction.”
What do you think this guy should do? Share your own advice in the comments section below…
Chrisk
I’d say if hiring in your only option in life then yeah, problem.
donnafnelson
Work from your house for two to six hrs every day, and start getting averaging 1000-3000 bucks at the end of every week. Read more information here>? 0.gp/a728L
Troysky
1st: his friend is a total bitch. Even if she’s somewhat right, this guy is suffering. Get rid of her.
2nd: beyond the whole “straight” guy debate in this story…the real issue is this guy needs professional therapy for his internal toxicity and obvious suffering. THAT’S what he should be paying for. 🙁
patricklee5150
I agree 100%!
barkomatic
I’ve seen plenty of relationships where one guy is wealthy and not so attractive and the other guy is really handsome and broke without immediate prospects. These relationships can be hard to define since financial security and charisma seem to translate into attraction and maybe even affection in some cases.
I’m guessing part of the issue might be the guy in the article really goes for the handsome types since he says he pays guys “out of his league”. This might be the type of relationship that could work for him.
Chrisk
That’s an excellent point. I know plenty of gay guys that say they’d rather go without sex because they’re just not attracted to guys anywhere near their own age. Same goes for gay guys obsessed with straight guys. How much porn is devoted to it? Lots. This is not some rare unique situation.
Straight worshipping, Peter Pan Syndrome, youth worship, etc. I don’t know if any amount of therapy will ever fix it.
Donston
These are traits which are of course not strictly shown by “gays”/”queers”. But they do seem more prevalent in us from a ratio standpoint. There’s the “straight” and hetero-leaning worship. There’s peter pan syndrome (never genuinely maturing). There’s not knowing how to deal with fluidity and contradictions or not understanding or accepting where you are in the romantic, sexual, philic parts of your orientation. There’s internalized homophobia, self-misandry, extreme insecurities. There’s depression and self-destructive instincts. There’s constantly going after guys way out of your league and/or quite a bit out of your age bracket. There just seems to be a lot of different things that keep many dudes from having well-adjusted, healthy romantic and sexual lives and having fulfilling long-term commitments.
And I agree that therapy can only do so much. But the first step is recognizing these things are there and that they’re problems that are holding you back.
John
I have often wondered about my interest in straight men. I love them more than gay men. I actually don’t feel I have much in common with most gay men. Please finish reading before you get all puffy about this. I have come to the conclusion that I might have a female mind. I am very happy being a male, so I wouldn’t necessarily say I am trans. (maybe we all are a bit) I have always had girl friends and connected very well with them and have liked things considered girly. (teen girl programs, decorating) (I don’t believe in gender roles) Originally I thought that is just gay, but have recently considered as some of my family are trans that I might have just gotten a female brain. I am unnaturally passionate about women’s rights. Perhaps there are different kinds of gays and the ones that like straight men are programmed that way.
Donston
The gender, romantic, sexual, fascination, affection, emotion, relationship spectrum is incredibly wide and diverse. The more I talk to people the more I realize that no matter what identities you embrace or what your lifestyle reflects, there tends to always be dimensions there. And yes, many “gay” males have female instincts and have mostly female friends. There are also many “gay” males who are very passionate about female rights and are anti-misogyny. So, that doesn’t mean as much as you think. While there are also many males who are not like but still stay obsessed with “straight” guys.
I have contended with some sexual and gender fluidity. So, I know that contradictions and confusions can really stifle someone. The good thing is that I like a variety of type of guys. And if I find a guy physically attractive, charming, clever I will probably develop some type of liking towards him no matter his orientation or what identities he embraces. But orientation is also about ego, who you like pleasing, who you like persistent affections and affirmations from, who you want commitment from. And if you feel that you can’t be genuinely into dudes who are unabashedly into dudes, it does set up some issues. And those are issues that can hold you back for a lifetime. I would suggest focusing less on the meaning of “gay” and its sociological weight. So many dudes embrace a bunch of different identities for a bunch of different reasons. There are men who embrace being seen as “gay” but still have feelings for women or still hook up with chicks. Some people view “gay” and “homosexual” as two different things. You really don’t know why someone embraces what they embrace. All these identities mean whatever the individual who embraces them wants to mean. That’s how it’s always been. And this idea that being “gay” means that you mostly hang out with dudes or that you don’t care about women is a toxic and incorrect perspective. Just try to get an understanding of your nuances, what type of love you want and your relationship expectations. Also, if there is some internalized homophobia, self-misandry, gay shame, past traumatic events those are things you need to confront and dismantle.
John
Thanks for answering back Donston. I am in a committed gay relationship with someone I truly love and I am not, and luckily have never been confused about my sexuality. I have basically been out my entire life. As my family gets more honest about their gender identity I am just more convinced that I might be a straight woman happily trapped in a man’s body. I am not opposed to a relationship with a gay man, but I am seriously attracted to straight males. I think some of the gay population think that an attraction to straight males is like being a Republican making them a better more masculine acceptable gay (Ego). This is not my case and I think this topic needs more exploration and perhaps less judgment (I am not accusing you of this)
Donston
The point of my post wasn’t to judge, and I wasn’t aligning our dimensions. I was expressing that everyone has their own thing going on, and the obsession with identity in general and trying to figure out where you “fit in” doesn’t really get you anywhere outside of social media brownie points. I have dimensions in my gender. I have a female trans friend who doesn’t even feel fully female despite being trans. I dated a guy who said to me multiple times that he pretty much felt like a female in a male’s body but also didn’t feel “authentically trans”. We all have our own things going on, our own dimensions, struggles, sense of self, journeys. And there are many bio males like you who embrace being seen as “gay”, “queer”, “non-binary”, sometimes a collection of those things. There’s a lot different types of people out here and a shit ton of identities. You’re not that unusual.
It does seem that you’re kinda using your husband’s non-gay identity to allow yourself to feel less male and to justify your feelings. You’re using other people’s identities to establish your own sense of self. To many “queers” do this, and to me it can be a toxic way of thinking. You shouldn’t have to depend on other people’s identities and their sense of self to feel comfortable with your own. While for me, if you’re a bio male and you prefer persistently pleasing a bio guy, prefer sleeping next to a guy every night, prefer building a love with a guy, prefer getting persistent passions, affections, romantic attention, emotional support, commitment from a bio guy then you’re “gay”. It doesn’t matter what your lifestyle reflects, whether you are inherently homosexual or not, what type of dimensions you have in your sense of gender. Those things don’t really matter to me. But once again, everyone sees identity differently and uses identities differently. So, I don’t judge you for your perspective. Nor do I dismiss anyone’s self-identity. But this is why I am fully on board with the “I don’t believe in labels” movement. The obsession with identity is really becoming problematic personally and socially.
I too am married. But I am frequently turned on by “straight guys” and I enjoy to watch hetero sex here and there. I’ve also hooked up with a few guys who have described themselves as “straight”. So, I get it. My issues with the “straight guy” obsessions is when they illicit internalized homophobia, homo shaming, gay inferiority complexes, hetero superiority complexes, or an obsession with disconnecting from “gay guys”. It’s also just not healthy to be trying to constantly establish real relationships with people who simply do not prefer your constant passions, affections, attention, love, commitment or who flat-out have no interests towards you beyond perhaps money, status, opportunity.
John
I may have misled you. I am completely happy in my relationship with a gay man. I am completely secure in my sexuality. I am not looking for a relationship with a straight man. There is not internalized homophobia. I am simply saying that when I look at men I am much more attracted to a straight male rather than a gay man. I’m attracted to some quality about them. It is nothing about self esteem. It is not ego. I’m not saying that being attracted to a gay man is wrong or not as valid. I am simply stating that there is probably a genetic aspect to my attractions. I am kind of tired of people assuming that when I say a statement like this that there is a psychological deficiency for my being. Some gays feel threatened by these statements because it brings up issues for them that they are not manly enough. Like I said before I don’t believe in gender roles and there is certainly nothing wrong with being a woman or “women like” as male society would like you to believe. This is purely a statement about genetics.
Donston
I almost never find any aspect of someone’s orientation or sense of self or preferences “threatening”. Do you. And I did misinterpret what you said. I myself have frequently found “straight” guys more intriguing in my life than many “gay” identifying guys I have encountered. That’s not unusual. And it doesn’t automatically equate to self-hate. While if you’re into guys in general, you’re probably going to be into a fair share of “straight” identifying dudes. However, I have seen my fair share of “straight guy worship” lead to internalized homophobia, gay shame, support of hetero superiority and homo inferiority, dysfunctional and unfulfilling relationships, and/or desperately seeking to socially and politically detach from “gay guys”. So, people’s discomfort with the straight obsessions are not entirely unfounded. But like everything else, it’s a case by case situation. I never preach how anyone should live their lives, who they should be with or how they should feel about themselves. I preach individualism. And I focus less on identity and more on folks having self-understanding, self-comfort and comprehending things like gender/sexual fluidity and the gender, romantic, sexual, fascination, emotional, relationship spectrum.
My response was mainly to get you to understand that your sense of self is not at all unusual nor is being intrigued buy “straight guys”. Ultimately, everyone has their own thing going on. But it was also to get you to see that a lot of the “straight guy” obsessions is toxic and is often triggered by internal issues. That’s not always the case though.
Josh447
John,
Donston doesn’t comprehend well, and goes off the rails and lectures repeatedly on things very few if any want to hear. He also assumes everyone is as totally fkt up as he is and needs his counsel. He’s a bit of a nut bag here but nonetheless please do come back. I find your comments quite interesting and worthy of contemplation.
I have a bit of a different take on woman’s brain in a man’s body etc. Interesting subject.
Donston
Joshy boy, where did I claim that this person has gone through traumas? Your comment has nothing to do with me and John’s back and forth. We were having a complicated, introspective conversation. And here you come with lame shade and a non-opinion. Do you ever have anything besides that to offer? Furthermore, weren’t you shitting on non-binary, genderfluid, genderqueer people just several months ago? You are such a phony.
Once again, I’m very happy that I keep making phony, ignorant “queers” like yourself so unsettled.
Josh447
Ok I’ve got a few mins to waste.
“Imaginary straight friend who resents trans and non binary people”? And this time you forgot “fems”. This is how you go off the rails Sybil so take note. I made no such statements. I said my straight friend who does guys won’t join in with the lgbt label bc he doesn’t identify with it. That’s it. End of story. Then you send it up the flag pole w a bunch of silly non applicable psycho babble. You’re not credible Donston, you’re a bunch of slipshot. That’s how you go off the rails all the time. You have serious comprehension problems. It’s irrational hence the name Sybil.
No str8 guys don’t get turned on by deep kissing another guy. If they do, they are bi weather they have sex or not. Gay for pay including actors that kiss but are straight don’t enter the equation. They are acting. I’m talking real life. That shit doesn’t happen with str8 dudes.
As far as John goes, you were having a complex smothering, off the rails, assuming he needed therapy when he didn’t, conversation with him. He wasn’t having that type of conv w u. He was really clear grounded and concise. You were blathering all over the board on him and lost him from your projections about him and “getting him to see” something you thought he needed to see. Off the rails you go again. No one here needs you to get them to see anything, except you seeing the door and using it.
Also, your posts are min ten times longer than anyone else’s, another attention seeking scenario of your Sybil complex.
Now I know you’re all agiggle and elated to again aquire negative attention into your ever consuming desire for it, but really, as the black man you are, if you’re here to rattle white folk due to racial resentment, you have succeeded.
Now, B4 you start whining and writing your ten page eulogy to respond bc your so titillated by the negative attention, consider that it would be a much better use of your time to get the psyche help you need to overcome your problems. If Sybil can do it, and she did, so can you.
RomanHans
John, a lot of gay men think straight men are hotter. It’s easy to understand: we like traditional masculinity, and what’s more traditionally masculine than a guy who has sex with women?
Plus, straight men probably weren’t rejected by their fathers so they were taught more traditionally-masculine skills. Straight men are valued more highly than gays or women so they tend to be more confident. Etc., etc.
Don’t assume you’re different for having this preference. It’s actually logical. The problem it leads to, though, is this: we can’t have honest relationships with straight men so we feel we’re “settling” for other gays.
Donston
Josh, you said that your “straight friend” had no interests in a gay or bi identity because he didn’t want to be aligned with trans people and very effeminate men. It seemed like a story you pulled out of your ass, especially since you deleted your post before that and added that detail about your friend. And I’ve yet to meet a closeted guy or a “straight” guy who indulged homo behaviors who stayed attached to a “straight” identity because of trans people and fem dudes. Those tend to be resentments already gay-identifying men tend to have. So, the story about your “straight friend” didn’t seem realistic. It seemed like your were using your “straight friend” to conceal your own perspective. While you have flat-out said that there’s no such thing as “effemiphobia”. I see it every day online and sometimes in “real life”. But you choose to pretend it doesn’t exist. You have also talked shit about non-binary people in the recent past, only cutting that completely out very recently. I called you out. You got exposed dude. But you continue to do you. Moving on now.
RomanHans, I sorta much agree. “Straight” men and conventional masculinity are highly prized in our society. While a lot of “queer” males have deep insecurities. And being able to nab a “straight” guy alleviates some of those insecurities. There’s really no problem with generally finding “straight” guys more appealing to “gay” or even looking to hook with “straight” guys here and there. But it is a dangerous, thin line. You don’t want liking “straight” guys to become an obsession and debilitating sexual fetish. You don’t want it agitate things like internalized homophobia or homo inferiority instincts. And you don’t want to be out here trying to legitimately date guys who do not prefer passions, affections, love commitment. It’s a matter of accepting your realities but being practical and not falling into toxic patterns.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
A huge percentage of straight guys will cross the Gay line for a multitude of reasons. I can’t speak on pay for Gay
However, I’ve had FBs for many years who will engage in basically any Gay sex act. Top, bottom, kink, kissing, group action only if it is a scene with certain substances. Without there is no way they would engage in any sex acts outside hetrosexual activity. I think most guys have a fantasy of seeing what Gay experiences are all about.
MrMichaelJ
You obviously have not had sex with a straight guy if you think they’ll kiss. They’ll do everything but that.
Donston
MrMichaelJ, you’re once again serving nonsense. The whole “straight men will do anything but kiss” garbage is an old wive’s tale. There are tons of dudes on the internet that claim to be “straight” who are making out with their male friends for social media clout. Unless you’re legit homophobic you’re not gonna have that much of any issue kissing a dude if you’re willing to indulge other stuff with them. And if you’re doing it for the money of course you’re going to be willing to kiss your client if they ask. This ain’t Pretty Woman. The whole not kissing thing is also a way a decent amount of dudes who ultimately lean towards “gay” when it comes to the romantic, sexual, affection, emotional, relationship spectrum are able to retain their sense of “straightness”. AKA as long as I don’t kiss him I don’t have to feel “gay”. So, the not kissing thing because a purposeful, self-aware act so they maintain their feeling of straightness.
You don’t know why anyone does what they do. And you don’t know someone’s dimensions beyond behaviors and identity. All these “straight” guys who hook up with dudes have their own motivations and their own thing going on. Making these grand sweeping statements is idiot.
Josh447
BS Dumb-dumb. Straight guys don’t romantically make out with men. Period. Peck on the cheek or even lips but not sexually kissing long kisses. You’re the idiot. Get real.
Donston
Oh, Josh. I get your panties so bunched up that you often end up either contradicting yourself or just saying some dumb shit.
Even if you view “gay” as equating to same-sex affections, romantic passions, emotional fulfillment, relationship contentment- that still doesn’t equate to a dude not being willing to kiss another dude. There are gay identifying men who don’t really like kissing guys during sex. They identify as “gay” merely because they’re inherently homosexual or very sexually homo-leaning. There are many straight identifying guys who are willing to full on make out with dudes for whatever reasons but are not willing to indulge any sexual activities with guys. (Have you checked out Tik-Tok or hell, most Hollywood movies with “gay” characters played by straight-identifying actors)? There are gay-identifying men who make out with chicks for whatever reasons. There are guys who aren’t that into homo intercourse but desire male romantic attentions, affirmation and love and do love kissing guys. Many of those men identify as whatever. And there are guys who want to make out with guys and want to get that type of affection and comfort but resist doing so because they feel that it’ll make them “gay”. So, they just indulge the sexual parts. Once again, stop broad-stroking people without acknowledging dimensions or the various motivations behind people’s behaviors and identities. While if a guy is paying you good money to have sex with him and ask you to make out with you probably will. It’s called prostitution.
Anyways, as I’ve asked many times, how is your “straight friend” who resents trans and “non-binary” people?
startenout
There was a time when I had made out with more straight identifying men (who are still straight to this day) than I had gay men and both numbers were delightfully high. LOL
And before some of you start to rail “then they’re not straight” cut your double standard, because I’ve also made out with a lot of women, but I’m definitely gay. Your sexual identification is more than the person with whom you get off.
Dymension
Please, nobody forced the young men to accept money for a blow job. I don’t think that counts as exploitation.
mdrguy1
There is a lot to parse here. First, I agree with one of the comments: he needs friends whore are more understanding and supportive! That girlfriend sounds awful. Second, paying straight men for sex isn’t inherently a problem. I’m healthy, well-adjusted, in a long-term relationship, and don’t struggle with feelings of self-hatred. But over the years, I’ve now and then found it hot to seduce straight men, sometimes offering an added financial incentive. It hasn’t always worked, but it often has; and it’s a huge turn-on for me. Not because they are out of my league, but simply because of the situation. I have no guilt about that, and they were always free to say no and sometimes did. Whereas not only did others say yes, they often came back repeatedly. One (now married, with a daughter) said I had really opened his eyes and his mind sexually, and he thanked me for it! Another said I made him realize how much he likes c*@!, even while not identifying at all as gay and being in no way interested in a relationship with a man… other than for occasional discreet fun. So I’d say to this guy: separate out the feelings and emotions, and treat what needs to be treated and don’t lump it all together.
nm4047
Firstly, there are more than enough gay guys out there that will have sex (if you providing them with head is considered having sex) paying a str8 man (not too sure how str8 these guys are), maybe you need to just have a wank and solve the ‘desire’ issue(s). Or alternatively, pay a male prostitute, not some str8 guy that you’re never likely to make eye contact with on the streets, or potentially is another homophobe that would join the choir of other guys abusing gays.
CityguyUSA
Come on, he’s paying “straight guys”. How does he know they’re straight when he approaches them? Why not approach gay men?
This is the age old fantasy of most gay men.
Donston
Some of the dudes could be legitimately heterosexual. Behaviors don’t equate to orientation. But it doesn’t matter if the identity reflects the dimensions of their orientation. They identify as “straight” and therefore the fantasy is fulfilled. These guys don’t care about the orientation spectrum. It’s all about using identity and behaviors to indulge fetish, worship, ego, whatever. If “gay” was seen as aspirational and worship worthy this wouldn’t be as common. But it is what it is.
ShiningSex
@Donston, behavior may not equate to orientation BUT your behavior shows a lot about your personality which obviously has an attraction (sexual) to men. I’m sorry but the gay guys I know couldn’t get hard if a woman came near them and wouldn’t want to.
But if someone has SOME kind of attaction towards both, then HE’S NOT STRAIGHT.
It’s all a matter of just accepting that part of you.
Donston
I agree that it is often a matter of accepting a certain part of yourself. But ultimately, that still doesn’t mean that these guys don’t view themselves as “straight”. They can fully accept all their aspects and keep it real with everyone and still see themselves as “straight” at the end of the day. That’s often the way it goes. Even a lot of these guys who embrace bi/pan/fluid/queer identities still feel “straight”. They just embrace bi identities mostly because of social politics or sometimes attention. Just like there’s gay identifying men with some attractions or sexual enjoyment towards women. You can accept all your dimensions, but that doesn’t always dictate the identity that you feel is most appropriate or that you feel most comfortable embracing. A lot of people have a hard time accepting that many folks just don’t view “straight” or “gay” as equating to heterosexual or homosexual or only being willing to indulge hetero or homo behaviors. And a lot of people are not about that “bi pride” life unless they feel romantic passions towards men and women, feel that they can truly love a man or a woman, and they can have a fulfilling relationship with a male or female. That doesn’t always mean that they’re in denial. Things get even more messy when money and opportunity get thrown into the equation or the realities of fluidity. As I keep preaching, this is why placing so much emphasis on identities does not make sense. It’s never going to be clean cut because people are too individual and have their own distinctive motivations and journeys, and everyone is never going to follow the rules that you want them to.
Aires the Ram
Well, I’ve never paid for sex, but I see nothing wrong with it, as long as the recipient of the $$ goes along with it voluntarily. That being said, when out-n-about on any given day, I see a straight guy here and there, that is absolutely stunning. Some I see, I must admit, I would pay to let me blow them (and more). Color me bad, but that’s how I feel about this. Cheers!!
ShiningSex
but they’re not straight
startenout
I see no problem there.
And yeah, they’re still straight.
Man About Town
Since there seems to be a general assumption that men are better at giving BJ’s than women, if a straight guy is getting a BJ from a gay guy, the straight guy is the one who should be paying!
SteveM
Paying straight dudes for sex? Well, it could be hazardous to one’s personal safety, at the very least.
ShiningSex
THEY’RE NOT STRAIGHT DUDES!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU ALL STUPID?
Quit this BS!!!
If a man is willing to have sex with another man, HE”S NOT STRAIGHT. Just like this BS “Gay for Pay”. That’s a fantasy. They’re NOT straight. They’re either bi for now (and gay later), just simply bi men getting paid to f*ck other men. Sorry I don’t buy the gay for pay crap. It’s fake.
Josh447
ShiningSex
Thumbs up.
Some people are way overdue for a trip to the Kinsey Scale.
Inspector 57
Yup, ShiningSex!
If a guy were totally straight, he wouldn’t get it up for another guy.
There are a few things that turn me off of the videos I see promoted on porn sites. The biggest one is when the scene is hawked as “straight guy” does it for money/gets tricked into f**king me/gets drunk and lets me scr*w him/WHATEVER.
You’re right. THESE GUYS ARE NOT STRAIGHT!
startenout
Yeah you’re wrong.
There’s a lot of gay guys who have and did and do get it up for women because they were in the closet and some of us who didn’t do anything with a woman until years after we were out of the closet.
Does that mean I’m not gay? It’s not up to you to define me or anyone else by your narrow viewpoint. If they identify as straight, but sometimes have hooked up with men, why does that hurt you? LOL
Norm
Hey, if you have the money and it doesn’t bother you, you’re just getting what you want for sex and, if the guy agrees, you can do it. Some straight guys will pay a gay guy to give them oral. If you could find a guy like that, you could use the money he pays you to pay for the one’s you pay for and it will be a wash. Enjoy, and if it doesn’t bother you because others say it might not be right, just keep things quiet and enjoy. We’re here to enjoy.
winemaker
Well isn’t this just special? This so called female friend gives her male friend the admonition that prostitution is illegal and can get him into serious trouble. Time long overdue to legalize these transactions ‘between consulting adults in their privacy that’s no ones God damned business.
hansniemeijer
Two men having sex is homosexual sex. So NOT straight. straight means the opposite, gay means the same. That is from ancient Greek: hetero – homo. So called straight men paying for oral sex with a man are part of an homosexual act. Paying a transgender makes it transgender sex, a bisexual bisexual sex, a woman heterosexual sex. Women paying each other for sex is also homosexual sex.
startenout
By your logic, any gay man who ever had sex with anyone other than cis male can not be considered gay.
Doesn’t matter if it was before they came out. Doesn’t matter if they are FTM.
Many gay men are erased by your logic. Generations really.
rocknstan
Sex and love are mutually exclusive.
Our subject apparetly needs love, as do we all.
Sucking a stiff one does not induce love, does it?
radiooutmike
It could.
Donston
The whole love vs sex conversation is an interesting one. But it opens up even more complicated conversation. For example, Ricky Martin has hinted that he has attractions and sexual enjoyment towards females and that he’s had platonic love towards women who he’s had sexual relationships with. Yet, he explains that he identifies as “gay” because he’s not interested in a legit, long-term commitment with a female. He’s expressing that he feels a certain type of love, attraction, sexual enjoyment towards female but he’s “gay”. It’s complicated and contradictory. Even the sex thing is up for debate. You might “love” dick or like guys fvcking you, but that doesn’t always seem to align with someone’s attractions beyond genitals. Boobs and pvssy might turn you on, but you may not feel that much for a woman’s face or smell or energy. These are conversations that we tend to talk about mostly from the perspective of straight identifying males. I guess because this is still a hetero-centric society. But I find it’s often more revealing when unabashed “queers” express why they identify as whatever they identify as.
Ultimately, this is a very convoluted topic, because people are all so different and have their own dimensions, journeys and motivations. It further highlights how identity is often more about sociology, practicality and personal ego than anything else and how things will never be as clear cut as many want them to be.