Apparently some curious Time Out New York readers “wanted to learn more about” the male polyamorous trio briefly profiled in last week’s edition of the annual Sex Issue, so the editors are re-introducing them this week with a patronizing Q&A called “Three’s Company“. How imaginative.
Meet 30-year-old Travis Morin and 35-year-old Matthew Tweardy, two “Broadway actors” intwined in an equal and “exclusive triadic relationship” with 35-year-old Daniel Torres, another Broadway actor who chose to wear jeans with a giant hole near the crotch for the photo that runs alongside his story.
The article begins by explaining that Matthew and Daniel are legally married to each other and began dating in college; they welcomed Travis into their relationship as an “equal” partner seven months ago. The happy throuple uses their brief spotlight to explain that Travis is not their “plaything or flavor of the month,” talk about their families and Facebook pages, and as all articles of this nature do, perpetuate the myth that anyone not in a triad relationship is either close-minded or judgmental.
(If you want to read an incredibly deep article about three guys who’ve been doing this successfully for much longer, I suggest New York magazine’s July 2012 feature “He & He & He“.)
Aside from describing this as the healthiest and most trusting relationship he’s ever been in, Travis seems pretty hung up on the notion that many people believe he’s the “third” or some kind of sex toy, a misconception that his partners are quick to refute. They pride themselves on being 100% equals in this relationship, despite the fact that two of them are legally bound by marriage and reap the financial benefits of such an arrangement without their partner.
But that’s ok. Their love is strong:
Daniel: There’s just something really amazing about three people in the room—there is such a family dynamic when there are three people. The other thing is the love. The amount of love and support that you can get from two people who really care about your well-being and have your back all the time—not that we’re in a world where we’re being constantly victimized by any means, but having two people that really love and support you is a really amazing thing.
Travis: I joke, but it’s really true, that I feel like I won the lottery. It’s double the amount of love.
They believe their relationship is superior to others because they’ve grasped the concept of “having more romantic love,” the way parents have love for multiple children:
Matthew: The way I explained to it to my parents, and to friends that just can’t seem to get it—I just challenge our way of thinking as a society. Romantic love is the only thing that people have a hard time getting their head around having more of, which they understand in every other way. When you have a second child, no one is like, “But you love the first one so much!” If you have a great connection with two friends then you wouldn’t be, like, “Oh my god I have two best friends, what do I do?” It’s not this big existential dilemma if you open up and you’re just like, this is more. And more, especially of love, is a good thing.
And the worst thing about being in a throuple, according to these guys? Your intolerance! (Sheesh, can’t three guys do a Q&A session in the Sex Issue of a major, nationally distributed magazine without having to answer all your pesky sex questions?! Get a grip, twosomes!):
Daniel: For me, one thing is peoples’ comfort level with asking about our sex lives. You would never meet a married couple and immediately be like, “Oh, what’s the sex like?” But as soon as they find out you’re in a triad relationship, they feel that it’s okay. The first question out of everyone’s mouth is, “Do you sleep in the same bed?” We do. But like in any other relationship, that is something personal and private between us. It’s not the defining characteristic of this relationship.
Read the rest of Matthew, Daniel and Travis’ Q&A over at Time Out.
If you’d like a more complete view of the perks and setbacks of being in a polyamorous relationship, check out this op-ed over at Salon, or explore why many polyamorous couples stay “in the closet” over at Slate.