Two men cuddling in bed

One Reddit user had a simple question for other readers of the r/AskGayMen subreddit this month: Is losing one’s virginity to a casual sex partner a good or bad idea? “Just don’t know if I should wait for a relationship or not,” the user added. “I really don’t know what to do.”

A few commenters suggested sleeping with a friend or at least a good acquaintance. “I would suggest losing your virginity to someone you know and you’re comfortable with,” one wrote. “Not a random hookup. At least a FWB [friend with benefits].”

Another commenter wrote, “I would make sure it’s not some rando but someone you trust and like, even if it’s not [a] romantic partner.”

And a third Reddit user replied to the above comment, adding, “This was going to be my response. It doesn’t have to be your soulmate, but totally random probably isn’t the most recommended way to go about it either.”

Related: What counts as losing your virginity when you’re gay?

Others, however, suggested perhaps holding out for someone special. “If you’re having strong doubt, you should probably wait,” a Reddit user advised. “I know it’s cliché, but you do remember your first time, and it’s better to have fond memories than cheap memories, I think, but there could be an argument made for getting it out of the way and being free of that kind of anxiety.”

Another commenter wrote, “Honestly? I’d wait, but only because I’ve had a lot of friends who were so desperate to not be ‘the virgin gay’ that they rushed into it and felt bad later. However, being in a relationship does not always guarantee a great experience either. Experiment with toys and make sure to take things slow to figure out together what you like with a boyfriend, and don’t rush it if you aren’t ready.”

Related: And the average age when gay people give up their V-card is…

And in the top-voted comment so far, a Redditor said that the experience of losing one’s virginity is “severely overrated” and even mythologized in modern-day society. “Let yourself feel your feelings,” that commenter wrote. “Do you want to feel that dick inside you? Yes? Go for it! No? It’s okay to wait.”

That same commenter told the virgin to find someone who will go at his pace, start slow, and do what feels good. “The central thing I want to tell you is, feel your f*cking feelings,” he added. “Some things will feel good and other things won’t. Some things will feel good with one person and not with another. And don’t wait to lose your virginity to true love, but also don’t necessarily go get f*cked just to get f*cked—experiment and feel those feelings, man!”

That commenter had others swooning. “With this explanation, I would like to lose my virginity with you, lol!” one person wrote.

“Right?” another person chimed in. “I kind of want to get my virginity back just so I could lose it to him.”

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