Madonna is single again.
Whomp, whomp.
The Queen of Pop has called it quits with her 25-year-old boy toy Brahim Zaibat. Madonna’s rep confirmed the news earlier today.
The couple met back in 2010, when Zaibat performed at the launch of Madonna and her daughter Lourdes’s fashion line, Material Girl. They were together for three years, which is like a decade in Hollywood years.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
We have to applaud the pair for giving it the old college try, and for lasting as long as they did despite the 30-year age difference. We’re all for May/December romances.
Madge has been at the top of our “Women We’d Turn Straight For” list since…well, forever. Now that she’s back on the market, perhaps this is our chance to finally give women a try?
Scroll down to see our admittedly very gay list of ladies over 40 we’d turn straight for.
Sharon Stone
Madonna may be at the top of our “Women We’d Turn Straight For” list, but Sharon Stone comes in at a very close second. We’ve had a thing for the blonde bombshell ever since she played bisexual serial killer Catherine Tramell in 1992’s Basic Instinct. She was hot then, but she’s even hotter today. Sharon, if you’re reading, call us!
Demi Moore
She may not have the most impressive list of film credits (her last straight-to-DVD debacle, LOL starring Miley Cyrus, was pretty much unwatchable), but what she lacks in acting chops she makes up for with beauty. We’ve always thought Demi Moore was sexy as hell. The dark hair. The piercing eyes. The raspy voice. The bangin’ body. And she has a thing for younger guys. We wouldn’t even need to get drunk before going back to the hotel room with her.
Janet Jackson
Growing up, Janet Jackson had us seriously confused. We thought we were gay, but then we’d watch her perform songs like “That’s The Way Love Goes,” “Together Again,” and “Someone to Call My Lover” and suddenly we’d wonder if maybe we were straight after all. Needless to say, we’d happily go hetero for a night with Janet. (Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty.)
Heidi Klum
Supermodel Heidi Klum is an absolute goddess. The clothes. The hair. The body. What’s not to worship? Then, of course, there’s the fact that she’s the host of one of our all-time favorite shows on Lifetime, Project Runway. And she’s a hugely successful business woman. In short, she’s every gay man’s wet dream.
Halle Berry
We swear, Halle Berry does not age. The 47-year-old beauty looks as stunning today as she did 20 years ago. She may be a tad on the crazy side (remember her very public custody battle with French model Gabriel Aubry a few years back?), but we’d be willing to overlook her flair for dramatics for a short-lived, one — okay, maybe two — night romance. Why not? She’s Halle f-ing Berry!
jimbryant
Most of these women are vile. They lack modesty for starters. They use their bodies and their sexuality – fake or otherwise – as a marketing ploy. It’s time we revolted against them.
Madonna, in particular, exploited the naïve mentalities of gay men to make a lot of money. Gay guys would dance to her songs and fill up her bank account.
Remember when gay guys used to sniff amyl and shake their collective uteruses to “Vogue” while mentally thinking “she’s on our side, she’s on our side, dammit”. Well, here’s the truth: she was not really on our side.
Madonna’s strategy was to appeal to the sleazy straight guy fantasy (using nudity and lesbianism) by using gay men as a cover. This enabled her to get away with it.
If Madonna is reading Queerty, here is what I have to say to you: we have worked you out. Now give the money back to us.
Tyler100
@jimbryant:
Speaking of fakes, JimBryant is here to post yet another rant about how women are terrible, probably based on some sort of mental illness or childhood trauma. But what he hates more than women is open and proud gay men, because they don’t feel compelled to adhere to his desired qualities of masculinity he harps on about under the name Rick on Towleroad. You got a glimpse of that in his comment about gays sniffing amyl and having fun (aka promiscuous, he REALLY hates sexually empowered gay men).
If only Jim…I mean Rick…could give us the time we spent reading is drivel back. Or get some help.
jimbryant
Tyler100,
Don’t waste Queerty’s bandwidth on me. You’re supposed to talk on the topic at hand.
I won’t resile at all from what I’ve said. Sharon Stone is particularly nasty, a totally ridiculous woman.
Tyler100
@jimbryant:
You’re right, Rick: you’re not worth it. Especially since you’ve dedicated your online presence to trashing everyone else. You’re pathetic. As you put it “nasty, a totally ridiculous woman.”
jimbryant
Tyler100,
Maybe you should take an aspirin.
Tyler100
Aww Jim, is that all you got? Oh right: you can’t post nasty comments under my name to get back at me like you do to people on Towleroad. Loser 🙂
I’d hope to be as timelessly gorgeous as any of these women by the time I’m their age.
MikeE
I for one admire many of these women.. but I DO draw the line at “going straight” for them.
The woman hasn’t been born on this planet who could sway my sexual preference.
Dixie Rect
Newsflash: gay guys won’t go straight for any woman. So, this is quite ridiculous.
Charlie in Charge
@Dixie Rect: That’s the spirit, the article’s title is meant to be literal.
jmmartin
Why anyone would want to turn straight for Madonna is beyond me. And if a bisexual were interested in Demi Moore, there should be about a 20-year age difference since she is a cradle robber.
Deepdow
Graym, you are so – obvious.
I only fall for women real women, not these Grade B Drag Queens anyway.
Next.
jimbryant
What you need to understand about these women is that they are fakes. Their faces are not real. Their faces are the result of lipstick, powder, eyeliner and mascara. These are faces manufactured by Revlon and Maybelline.
Fake faces, fake sexuality…no wonder you can’t trust women.
Rockery
Graham – please stop!
LMAO no one is going straight for these ladies at least bring some sexiness. Not that I would go straight anyway but at least make it realistic.
Imagine pulling of Madge’s clothes to reveal that leathery skin *barfs*
fxxx10
The amount of misogyny, sexism and ageism in the comments above is just baffling. These are strong and beautiful women, all of them. Have some respect, people.
TheNewEnergyDude
Ms. Stone is probably the only woman on earth who could turn me straight. Still doubtful, but if she did turn for an evening, I dont think I’d regret it.
Tyler100
@jimbryant:
And we should trust your word because? You’ve already demonstrated that you’re a troll. Your opinion is worthless, if not amusing.
Deepdow
@fxxx10:
Real men support real women, not Madame Tussaud Wax figures straight out of the sexist catalogue of the hetero male patriarchy.
Thanks.
Niall
@Rockery: DEAD, lmao. True, basically my opinion too, but less harsh I guess lol.
Garth
So all these so called religious nuts are right ? We can be turned straight? Good luck with that you ass . Why don’t you just come out and tell everyone we are gay because of choice ? What a dip !
guest4ever
So homosexuality is a “choice”?
We already knew that…
NoelG
What’s wrong with the choice vs. not choice argument is that it plays into the homophobe’s world view as if there is something wrong with being gay. After all, who would “choose” to be gay? “It’s not our fault we’re gay. We have no choice.”
Personally, I choose to be queer. I choose to be gay. I have no problem with the vadge but I prefer penis. I choose penis and there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m proud of my choice. And if some homophobe says that makes me evil or whatever (yadda, yadda), your opinion doesn’t mean jack because you’re a narrow-minded idiot.