Real-life Harry Potter villainess Maggie Gallagher took quill to papyrus scroll on June 22nd, penning a somewhat nonsensical screed in the National Review titled “If Race and Gender Are Social Constructs, Why Not Sexual Orientation?” (Isn’t that a Morrissey song?)

Attempting to throw Rachel Dolezal, Bruce Jenner, and the consumer-fraud case against JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives For Healing) into the same bubbling cauldron, The National Organization for Marriage founder writes:

“Apparently, you can change your racial identity, but if you do, you are lying. You can dress up as a woman on the cover of Vanity Fair, and everyone must believe you are in fact female. But when it comes to sexual orientation, even the attempt to change your identity or behavior must be viewed as an imposition against the laws of nature, if not nature’s God.”

Related: Maggie Gallagher Loves To Wallow In Her Defeat. And Blame Others For It.

As a smothering fog rolls in from the moors, Baggy Maggie continues: “[JONAH’s] weekend retreats incorporate some bizarre elements, but nothing stranger than the Esalen Institute and other hippie happenings in the 1970s did… it is the attempt to live a Torah-observant or Biblical life that is intolerable to the SPLC and must be shut down.”

We’ll remind you that JONAH’s “bizarre elements” — which you can read about here — include (but are not limited to) stripping off your clothes, beating effigies of your mother, being ridiculed in public with cries of “faggot” and “gay boy,” and violently grabbing two oranges that are meant to symbolize your testicles.  

Sorry, but that’s not exactly assuming the lotus position and singing Kumbaya.

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