As Mike Pence prepares for his futile presidential run, the gay-hating former VP is on a hopeless mission to rebrand himself.
The first step is convincing people he’s an actual human being, and not just some bizarre socially conservative cyborg from the Reagan era.
To the surprise of, frankly, no one, it’s not going well!
On Wednesday, Pence posted a picture of himself placing his order at Dunkin’ Donuts, the largest franchised coffee chain in the country.
“I heard New Hampshire and America run on @dunkindonuts, had to check it out for myself,” he tweeted, complete with an American flag emoji.
That seems like a good tweet! Pence wants to show he’s normal, and normal people drink coffee and eat donuts.
But here’s the problem: normal people don’t act like Dunkin’ Donuts is some hidden New England delicacy. There are over 8,500 Dunkin’ Donuts locations across 41 states, and more than 11,300 worldwide. Not to mention, they sell Dunkin’ Donuts branded coffee beans, canned beverages, and even jelly beans in grocery stores and gas stations literally everywhere.
All that being said, it’s fair to assume that most Americans know about Dunkin’ Donuts, and have visited one, too! Pence may want to launch an old-school GOP presidential campaign; but in this instance, he’s channeling George H.W. Bush’s supermarket scanner gaffe.
Category is: out of touch!
I heard of this place called Pizza Hut and *had* to try it out!— JT3 (@iAmJ0HN3) May 17, 2023
You were the Vice President of the United States for years and didn’t know America runs on Dunkin?— Joshua Wallack (@JoshuaWallack) May 17, 2023
You are the saddest human ever.— Hoodlum 🇺🇸 (@NotHoodlum) May 17, 2023
Presumably, Pence was in New Hampshire, an early voting state, to feel out Republican voters ahead of next year’s primaries. He seemingly thinks he can emerge as the GOP’s nominee, even though polls show he’s more unpopular than his former boss Donald Trump, who’s leading the field by double digits.
The atavistic politician is a unique figure in American politics, but probably not for the reasons he believes. He holds the rare distinction of being equally loathed by the left and right.
For Democrats, Pence’s problems begin with his staunch conservatism. For Republicans, the issues start with his refusal to participate in Trump’s coup.
It’s ironic. Pence sacrificed his apparent morals to serve as Trump’s VP. But in the end, he couldn’t please Trump’s pugilistic base, and wound up further alienating everyone else.
Pence’s rebrand started last November, when he went on a book tour and addressed the January 6 insurrection… nearly two years after the fact. Unfortunately for him, nobody bought either remarks on that shameful day in American history or his book.
It took lying bigot Mike Pence nearly 2 years to admit that orange traitor endangered his life simply because he sees the GQP are turning against him for their huge election losses. That’s some cowardice right there.— Ricky Davila (@TheRickyDavila) November 14, 2022
How is Pence positioning himself now, you ask? He’s running as a Republican opposed to everything the current party represents. As The New York Times reports, he’s pitching himself as a “classical conservative who can return the Republican Party to its pre-Trump roots.”
Honestly, Pence is more likely to find somebody unfamiliar with Dunkin’ Donuts than a Republican primary voter willing to cast their ballot for him.
Scroll down for more hilarious reaction to Pence’s failed attempt at being relatable…
I heard you’re a robot pretending to be a real human boy…— FootyATL ⚽️⭐️⚽️ (@footyATL) May 17, 2023
Stop embarrassing yourself!
Cringe!!!— RichieG (@RichieGrabiec) May 17, 2023
Yeah, nothin says Man of the People more than trying Dunkin for the first time at 63.— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) May 17, 2023
He is so pathetic. Maybe someone should tell him he doesn’t have a chance in hell of being president–he’ll get minimal to no Democratic or even Independent votes and the GQP MAGA base hates his guts–so he should just go back to Indiana and set up a waxworks museum or something with Mother. In fact, he could be his own first exhibit, since he’s got the appeal and personality of a wax statue.
The fly should have a main exhibit at the Pence waxworks
America may run on Dunkin’ but Pence runs on Bull$hit.
And we see even more downhill action in the Desantis World! This story is helping me get over the Sisters being rejected. I’m elated.
Breaking news, NYT
Disney Pulls Plug on $1 Billion Development in Florida
A new office complex, and relocation of a division from California, would have created more than 2,000 jobs but was scuttled as the company and Gov. Ron DeSantis continue to feud.
“Does the state want us to invest more, employ more people, and pay more taxes, or not?” Robert A. Iger, Disney’s chief executive, said on an earnings-related conference call with analysts last week.
On Thursday, Mr. Iger and Josh D’Amaro, Disney’s theme park and consumer products chairman, showed that they were not bluffing, pulling the plug on a nearly $1 billion office complex that was scheduled for construction in Orlando. It would have brought more than 2,000 jobs to the region, with $120,000 as the average salary, according to an estimate from the Florida Department of Economic Opportunity.
I am retired in Orlando and am so furious at this tiny wicked little martinet
Dunkin’ Donuts, how exotique!
Pence is replacing Zopiclone as the most effective sleeping pill in North America.
I’m on Zolpiden. I may need to take an extra one to get to sleep tonight because I’m worried as hell thinking he might be in deep shit if Mother finds out.
Apparently nobody told him there might be a woman working behind the counter and he good n well knows Mother would not approve!
I’m waiting to hear Georgette tell us he’s never been to Dunkin’.
Donuts are holy… I mean holey!
I just love that he couldn’t even get a worker to be in the shot. He probably didn’t even actually buy anything while there.
Um, Queerty, better reporting, please! You do know the chain changed its name to DUNKIN’ more than a year ago? Duh…
They did change their name but they’ll always be Dunkin’ Donuts in our hearts (and stomachs)!
That was my first thought! My second was Dunkin is from Massachussettes, not New Hampshire.
Strange that the cashier left the back door ajar when she dashed out to keep from serving him.
He is still hate hiding behind a so-called god, just basic republicans play book
Hey, Mike, pick up a job application while you are there.
(It will come in hand after the Republican convention.)
he is still and always will be the most milquetoastiest piece of crap to walk the planet.
Stale milquetoast, moldy even.