coffee break

Mike Pence walked into a Dunkin’ Donuts & everything went downhill from there

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Mike Pence sitting at a table with his eyes closed.

As Mike Pence prepares for his futile presidential run, the gay-hating former VP is on a hopeless mission to rebrand himself.

The first step is convincing people he’s an actual human being, and not just some bizarre socially conservative cyborg from the Reagan era.

To the surprise of, frankly, no one, it’s not going well!

On Wednesday, Pence posted a picture of himself placing his order at Dunkin’ Donuts, the largest franchised coffee chain in the country.

“I heard New Hampshire and America run on @dunkindonuts, had to check it out for myself,” he tweeted, complete with an American flag emoji.

That seems like a good tweet! Pence wants to show he’s normal, and normal people drink coffee and eat donuts.

But here’s the problem: normal people don’t act like Dunkin’ Donuts is some hidden New England delicacy. There are over 8,500 Dunkin’ Donuts locations across 41 states, and more than 11,300 worldwide. Not to mention, they sell Dunkin’ Donuts branded coffee beans, canned beverages, and even jelly beans in grocery stores and gas stations literally everywhere.

All that being said, it’s fair to assume that most Americans know about Dunkin’ Donuts, and have visited one, too! Pence may want to launch an old-school GOP presidential campaign; but in this instance, he’s channeling George H.W. Bush’s supermarket scanner gaffe.

Category is: out of touch!

Presumably, Pence was in New Hampshire, an early voting state, to feel out Republican voters ahead of next year’s primaries. He seemingly thinks he can emerge as the GOP’s nominee, even though polls show he’s more unpopular than his former boss Donald Trump, who’s leading the field by double digits.

The atavistic politician is a unique figure in American politics, but probably not for the reasons he believes. He holds the rare distinction of being equally loathed by the left and right.

For Democrats, Pence’s problems begin with his staunch conservatism. For Republicans, the issues start with his refusal to participate in Trump’s coup.

It’s ironic. Pence sacrificed his apparent morals to serve as Trump’s VP. But in the end, he couldn’t please Trump’s pugilistic base, and wound up further alienating everyone else.

Tough break.

Pence’s rebrand started last November, when he went on a book tour and addressed the January 6 insurrection… nearly two years after the fact. Unfortunately for him, nobody bought either remarks on that shameful day in American history or his book.

How is Pence positioning himself now, you ask? He’s running as a Republican opposed to everything the current party represents. As The New York Times reports, he’s pitching himself as a “classical conservative who can return the Republican Party to its pre-Trump roots.”

Honestly, Pence is more likely to find somebody unfamiliar with Dunkin’ Donuts than a Republican primary voter willing to cast their ballot for him.

Scroll down for more hilarious reaction to Pence’s failed attempt at being relatable…