The cable network E! continues its barrage of reality television, this time with their skin-driven What Happens at the Abbey. Set at the West Hollywood landmark, the series centers on proprietor David Cooley and his battalion of vapid, pretty and often surgically enhanced staffers.
In each episode, the crew gets naked, has sex, fights and pours drinks for a crowd that mixes celebrities, wannabes, socialites, tourists and locals willing to pay for overpriced, if tasty, drinks. The series, however, revolves around the personal drama and rivalries of these staffers, framed against the backdrop of loud music and inebriation. Also, despite ostensibly being about the iconic West Hollywood gay bar, the show tends to focus more on the straight or questioning characters.
Hey, what do you expect from reality television?
And of course, because What Happens at the Abbey is reality television, the half-naked cast has stumbled across fascinating insight into life, the universe and everything else.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
If the series is not your cup of Vodka, or if you’d like help figuring out whether to invest your valuable viewing time, we’ve compiled a list of some of our favorite quotes from the pilot episode that give an impression of their personalities, and of just what does happen at the Abbey…
“My biggest dream is to meet Kelly Ripa”—Marissa, former Long Island hooters girl who proudly boasts fake boobs on her list of career aspirations
“I actually believe in my heart that I will start the fanny pack up again, just like I started the man bun!”–Daniel, self-proclaimed fashionista and model
“Girls at the Abbey are pretty slutty girls.”—Billy, bartender, on why he loves his job
“My psychic told me not to date anyone for 3-6 months because I tend to gravitate toward douche bags.”–Kim, the bi-curious bombshell showing off her own gift of prophecy
“We don’t like wrinkles. That’s what Botox is for.”—Lawrence, gay dad-to-be on how to survive in a cutthroat career
“I feel like I’m dating WeHo’s most popular glory hole.”—Cory on doppelganger boyfriend Murray Swanby who shares his sexiest underwear selfies with ENews
Related: Murray Swanby is so much more than a pretty face
“I felt like one of her eyelashes was gonna stick to her mouth! I don’t know…that was mean…”—Brandy on straight girl Tamer weeping over Lawrence’s choice to incubate his sperm elsewhere
“It’s not black and white here at the Abbey. It’s very gray, and very messy.”—Elizabeth, stating the obvious.
What Happens at the Abbey airs Sunday nights at 10pm ET/PT on E!.
Richard 55
I avoid The Abbey like the plague.
Teva
What a pack of vacuous assholes..I’d like to take a TASER gun to each and every one of them.
cabe
Totally agree.
Sluggo2007
Yep.
Richard 55
Oh, look – a bi-curious female. How quaint! You’re a poser, sis. Fu@k off.
The whole show seems to be made to the recipe of the sleazy straighr guy fantasy. This usually means asexual gay guys, no bisexual males but lots of fake-bisexual females.
Message to the producers of the show and the owner of The Abbey: fu@k off, you’re not wanted.
Oh, and the E! network can fu@k off too.
Herman75
Murray Swanby and his dog tag. I didn’t realize he served in the military. What a stud!
ChrisK
I’m not sure that means he was in the military any more then the other guy wearing a necklace with rings means he’s been married. Just jewelry.
ChrisK
Shows like this remind me why avoiding the Abbey is such a good thing.
Geeker
Why?…that’s all just why.
Steve
It’s about the staff at a gay bar can they please spend more time with the staffers who might actually patronize the place. Just saying.
Sluggo2007
It’s a “pseudo” gay bar full of wannabes and “too cool for school” hipster losers. It USED to be a popular gay bar.
silveroracle
Never heard of the Abbey.
Maybe that’s a good thing.
da90027
15-20 years ago the Abbey was a fun bar. Then with each remodel it became bigger and bigger like the blob. The clientele became more and more vacuous pretentious and full of drunken messes. It now looks like a frat or sorority party gone bad. It is sad West Hollywood in general used to be a fun “once in a while thing”. I wonder if these people will look back years from now and realize how stupid they all look. I also remember when the “E” channel was a more legitimate cable station before they pandered to the low end crowd. People like Ryan Seacrest who brought you those “arbiters of class” the Kardashains have turned this channel into crap. Most of the bartenders are not even gay. Cooley is to blame for that as gay bartenders give free drinks to other gay men. All business now and all anyone cares about is making $$$$. $15 for a drink is laughable when you can go around the corner to Motherlode or down the street to Trunks and get the same thing for half that.