gift guide

The queerest, quirkiest last minute Valentine’s Day gift ideas for yourself, a lover, or a FWB

Two men hold their hands together to create a heart shape
(Photo: Shutterstock)

February is here, which means love is in the air! What better way to remind yourself how very single you are celebrate love in all it’s forms than read Queerty’s official LGBTQ Valentine’s Day Gift Guide?

But we’re not here to share just any gift guide… god knows, we’ve seen enough flowers and heart shaped chocolates to last us a lifetime! Instead, we’re pushing ourselves to think outside the box, and present you with all the quirky, queer gifts that would be great for yourself, a lover, or a FWB this Valentine’s Day. After all, February 14 is just around the corner…

Have your wine and drink it too

In this house on Valentine’s Day, we don’t just drink wine, we drink GAY wine… and House Wine’s award-winning Rainbow Rosé Bubbles is pretty gay. Just look at that packaging!

But what’s cooler is that House Wine donates $2 to the Human Rights Campaign for every case sold. We’ll drink to that!

Available via House Wine, prices vary

Say it like you “meat” it with a Meat Card!

Let your long distance FWB know you are missing their meat… by sending them meat!

That’s right, these are just as weird as you’re imagining: Meat Cards are greeting card-sized sheets of tender, delicious beef jerky that are laser engraved with a custom message of your choosing. If you need some inspiration, the company offers a list of the best naughty cards sent by customers.

They also offer heart-shaped meat pieces, which like, damn, there really is a market for everything! But also, I love jerky.

Get it via Manly Man Co. for $22.50.

Find your perfect #3 with the Feeld dating app

Who says two is better than one? Why not three!

That’s the idea behind Feeld, a free, totally queer-friendly dating app specifically designed for couples and singles. According to POPSUGAR, “whether you’re a couple looking for a third, a single looking for a couple, or someone who is curious about exploring their sexuality, you can dip a toe in and simply have conversations with other open-minded people in a safe space.” The app offers 20+ sexuality and gender identity options and is used by 10+ million users across the globe.

As well, the app provides many useful and informative guides, including this gem: How to Know If You’re Ready for a Threesome, because monogamy is sooo 2006, amirite?

Download Feeld via Google Play or the App Store

Just say no to dirty tapes with Double Scorpio‘s “Love Potion” cleaner

When life gets to be too much, sometimes all you need is to pop in an old VHS tape to wash the stress away. But WAIT! What if your VHS tapes are so dirty, they are basically unwatchable? Luckily, Double Scorpio has the cleaner for all your physical media needs!

Made with an “aromatic blend of cherries and your ex-boyfriend’s tears,” this special concoction will give you (and your partner) a euphoric rush every time you’re in the mood for watching a classic VHS. All it takes is one hit – of the play button – after using this, and you’ll be set!

Buy it at Double Scorpio for $24.

Be a good gay and drink your cold brew

I’m going to say it. Iced coffee is to gay culture what Lady Gaga is to pop music: absolutely essential!

It’s a notion Explorer Cold Brew, a Brooklyn-based LGBTQ owned and operated small business, knows all too well. They make high quality, ethically sourced, supremely concentrated cold brew and chais that are perfect for the cold coffee-obsessed lover in your life. To boot, with each jug of brew, users can select their preferred level of caffeine, including Regular, Low, Extra or No Caffeine. So like, EVERYONE WINS!

Snag a 32 oz bottle for $41.

Feel sexy in your skivvies

We couldn’t have an LGBTQ Valentine’s Day Gift Guide without including some undies, right?! Luckily there are plenty of super cute options to go around, including from TomboyX and Tommy John. (Who knew Toms loved underwear so much?!)

TomboyX is an LGBTQ owned and operated, gender neutral apparel company founded in 2013. Their underwear come in all kinds of fun and quirky prints and styles, from 3XS to 6XL. The company prides itself on championing the LGBTQ community all year… not just during the month of June.

“We aren’t doing this to jump on a trend or a fad,” co-founder Fran Dunaway told Queerty in 2019. “We have been here a long time. We are gay owned and operated, so it’s personal to us. (Supporting the community) really matters to us in a way that is just part of our DNA.”

Meanwhile, Tommy John is another undies company run by a cool husband and wife duo. They’ve got some adorable heart underwear I need for someone to take off of me immediately!

Available via Tommy John and TomboyX, prices vary

Get yourself a f*ck buddy

Two gay men
(Photo: Shutterstock)

Do you have a demanding job that basically consumes your life? Do you lowkey hate people, but love the satisfaction of having a quick “romp in the hay,” as the kids say? Are you emotionally scarred from your last relationship? If you’ve answered yes to any of the above, it sure sounds like you could use a f*ck buddy!

Though often hard to spot in the wild, we have it on good authority that they do exist… you just have to know where to look. Fortunately, dating apps make them easy to find these days. Plus, they come in a variety of styles and sizes!

Free of charge and available via Grindr, Scruff, Hornet, Tinder, Bumble, or wherever you use to get your online rocks off!

Embrace your inner detective with this killer board game

You know how when you first move in with that special someone, and everything is absolute magic for the first month? But then you discover they leave dishes in the sink, never close the cupboards, or have super weird habits that drive you so insane to the point where you might actually murder them? Well, now you can channel that killer energy into solving a fictional murder, together!

Hunt a Killer makes a variety of mystery, sci-fi, and horror themed games that are perfect for anyone who loves a good puzzle, or is a true crime fan. It’s an immersive experience that brings players into a storyline, where they must become detectives in order to solve a unique case, using a variety of realistic evidence (ex: maps, letters, police reports, personal effects from characters, and more). It’s like a board game meets Making a Murderer… but on steroids.

Whether you’re spending Valentine’s Day with a few friends, with someone new, or treating yourself to a night in, Hunt A Killer’s latest “Single(s) Night” bundle (because it’s meant to be solved in a single night, get it?) is perfect for any gaming connoisseur.

Bundle available via Hunt A Killer for $148.

For the one whose love language is “words of affirmation”

Don’t forget, words have power.

Available via Etsy for $37.99.

Josh Galassi is very gay and very disabled, if you haven’t noticed. Sometimes, he writes about both those things, and sometimes, he doesn’t. He lives in Seattle with his dog Carmen Sandiego, who, it turns out, was on Craigslist the entire time (where he bought her). You can find him on Twitter, or at a nearby coffee shop obsessing over cold brew.