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Singer Duncan James, best known as a member of the UK pop boyband Blue, has finally opened up about how he copes with homophobia as a public figure, and how he protects his daughter from it.
James initially came out as bisexual in 2009, and had a brief relationship with Spice Girl Geri Halliwell. He also has a daughter from his ex-girlfriend Claire Grainger, born in 2005. He amended his label to “gay” in 2012, and has since gone public with several relationships with men, including current boyfriend Rodrigo Reis.
Now, for the first time, James tells the UK publication The Sun about how he’s endured homophobia since coming out, and tried to protect his 16-year-old daughter from it.
“She is at an age where she is very much into her phone, and her friends are all on social media platforms like TikTok — it’s very much her life,” James says of his daughter, Tianie. “But she’s also aware that people could be horrible. People can be quite nasty about me being gay and say quite horrible things about the fact that I’m a gay dad. People have written to her, saying, ‘Isn’t it disgusting your dad’s gay? How do you feel? You must be ashamed of him’, and stuff like that, and you’re just like, ‘Why are you writing to a kid saying stuff like that? Are you really crazy?’ People are just awful.”
Related: Duncan James On Coming Out As Bisexual: “It Was Just Easier To Use That Word”
“I’ve had quite a lot of people from other countries writing to me in disbelief that I’m gay, saying I’m going to burn in hell, it’s a sin and I’m going to be punished by God,” he added. “I think it’s probably because they’re frightened about it or they don’t have the awareness or their religion has dictated that it’s wrong and it’s disgusting.”
For Jones, the best way to protect Tianie comes down to one simple plan: limiting her social media use.
“There’s that fine line,” he said. “We want her to have her privacy but as a parent you just have to be really vigilant and aware that it’s not a nice place out there sometimes. You want your kid to be protected and safe. That’s the most important thing.”
Jones also added that Tianie’s mother, Claire, also has become the target of homophobes. “Claire’s had abuse about me being gay too,” he admitted. “People reach out and be nasty, but she’s learned to just block people. It’s made us stronger.”
Still, despite the social media drama, Jones says he has no regrets about coming out or parenthood. In fact, he would like to have more children.
“For Rodrigo, having children is really important,” Jones says, “so we have talked about it. He’s said he would love to be a father at some point. The thing with me is I don’t want to commit to having a child until I am married and I know it’s a secure relationship. I think having a child is something you have to think long and hard about, especially in a gay relationship because it’s a lot harder.”
We have a feeling that won’t dissuade Duncan and Rodrigo.
Vince
I’ve never understand that hate. I mean why does it matter unless you’re getting porked by him? Oh wait. Most likely what these bigoted busy bodies were fantasizing about.
man5996853
Most of the hate in the world could be traced back to organized religion. Throw in a few powerful world leaders, past and present, and you can account for all of it.
JB
Why does half of the article keep referring to him as “Jones”??? His name is Duncan JAMES, not Jones. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Queerty, hire yourselves a copy editor and proofreader. It’s time.
Catholicslutbox
He’s going to wait until he’s married? He’s 42. 42! There’s not much time left. People usually give that married response when they don’t want any more.
If you’re not going to marry the guy you’re with, then set him free and let him find someone that wants kids.
FRE0
42? That’s young! I’m almost twice that olde.
Chrisk
Do you plan on dying at 50 or something?
Openminded
To be fair to any future children, Catholic is correct. I was 32 when I had my first child and 40 when I had my last child and although I was much more financially and mentally able at that age, now that I’m 60+ I realize how unfair it was to my kids to wait as long as I did. If a parent isn’t putting the child’s well being first in line, they are not being a fair parent. I strongly encourage anyone who wants kids to have kids, but I more strongly encourage you not to wait past 30. Just my experience.
trell
Who says anyone in a relationship HAS to get married? Who said that there needs to be a certain time period in a relationship where it has to happen?
I got married at 45. I was with my partner for 8 years. It was the right time for me, but I never felt the need to conform to what other people thought.
I also know gay & straight couples who have been in long, loving relationships without ever needing to conform to society’s expectations of getting hitched. I’ve also known couples who got married on a whim and ended up divorcing before the end of their first anniversary.
Marriage is not necessary in a relationship. Duncan doesn’t need to let anybody go. If they’re happy, then leave them be.
Catholicslutbox
@trell They could be happy without getting married, but The younger guy clearly wants kids and the 42 year old wants to wait until he gets married. So if the 42 year old has no intention of marrying him, then they should just part ways.
Prax07
I don’t buy that he’s actually gay. Bi maybe, but nothing in that article makes me but that he’s gay.
jjose712
He had a very public life because Blue was a very famos boyband.
Since he said he was gay (he came out as bisexual first) he only dated men
Donston
The dude has been identifying as “gay” these last eight years and has had three same-sex relationships these past eight years and is currently in a same-sex commitment. There are plenty of guys who have had wives or longterm girlfriends and said they were “gay”. Plenty of guys who have had children with women and claimed they are “gay”. That’s not a new thing and it’s not something that’s going to go away.
Ultimately, these identities are choices. As much as that infuriates some people, it is the reality of shit. There are dudes who are thoroughly homosexual yet only date women their whole lives and never come out. There are dudes who are no where near homo but embrace gay identities and/or only legit date their sex their whole lives. There are so many ways that cookie crumbles. While you never really know the dimensions of anyone’s sexuality since “sexuality” is so individual and encompasses a lot. You never know what type of fluidity someone may have experienced. You don’t know why someone indulges the relationships they do and present the behaviors and identities they present. You don’t know where someone is in the gender, sexual, romantic, affection, emotional investment, commitment spectrum. All of this stuff is based on what people present and drawing your own conclusions about someone.
Do you ever post when you’re not looking to bitch about “bi guys” or claiming some dude ain’t “gay”? That’s a really shitty, basic, counterproductive agenda.
Josh in OR
Good to know. I’m sure he cares what some anonymous internet rando thinks about his identity. Who asked for your insight, again…?
cameronpeak
Invitation to a sex club – xmeet.fun
Kangol2
He and his boyfriend make a cute couple. The boyfriend is gorgeous. I wish them continued happiness!
RickHeathen
After being bullied in school for over a decade for being gay, and then after all these years of putting up with the bullshit, I’m sick of religions and religious homophobes poisoning the minds of the public and their own children.
Openminded
It would be a much nicer world if everyone would mind their own business when something doesn’t pertain to them.