The smallest penises in Hollywood (allegedly)

In Tinseltown, where image and perception often steal the spotlight, the talk of the town has occasionally turned to which of our beloved big shots has the smallest penises in Hollywood.

And while the saying goes: “it’s not about the size of the ship, it’s about the motion of the ocean,” these celebrities have found themselves in discussions about their, shall we say, modest endowment.

Scroll down to see the owners of the smallest penises in Hollywood (allegedly):

Ashton Kutcher

Smallest penises in Hollywood: Ashton Kutcher at the press conference for Entertainment Industry Foundation. He has a cheerful smile, disheveled brown hair, and is wearing a striped blue shirt and a blue blazer.
Ashton Kutcher at the press conference for Entertainment Industry Foundation

Back in 2008, the vivacious Brittany Murphy had some spicy thoughts on Ashton Kutcher’s romance with Demi Moore when she quipped to David Letterman: “Well, it seems for him, age is just a number, and for her, size is… not a deal-breaker.” Remember, Ashton and Brittany had a little fling back in 2002. But alas, the whispers about Ashton’s, well, shortcomings gained traction after his split from Demi, making us all realize that maybe Kelso’s swagger didn’t quite match the legend.


Smallest penises in Hollywood - Eminem

In a scathing interview back in 2007, Kim Mathers, Eminem’s on-again-off-again wife and, you know, his muse for some rather intense lyrics, spilled the tea to a Detroit radio station. She didn’t mince words when she shared that the legendary rapper wasn’t exactly packing in the size department. To add a cherry on top, she also mentioned that their intimate endeavors left something to be desired.

Plus, in an interview with MTV, he outright admits he has a small penis. At least he’s honest?

Nick Cannon

Actor Nick Cannon attends the 'Chi-Raq' photo call during the 66th Berlinale International Film Festival Berlin

Nick Cannon, despite potentially having a billion kids post-divorce from Mariah Carey, isn’t necessarily packing heat! In a 2011 interview, his former fiancée, model Selita Ebanks, succinctly summed up both his kissing skills and his manhood size with just one word: “Eh.”

But a decade later, while hosting for Wendy Williams, it seemed like his “andouille sausage” (a fans words, not ours) was making an appearance through his pants, leaving us all with one burning question; Nick, was that a trick of the eye or the real deal?

Shia LaBeouf

Smallest Penises in Hollywood: Actor Shia LaBeouf attends the 'Man Down' premiere during the 2015 Toronto International Film Festival at Roy Thomson Hall on September 15, 2015 in Toronto, Canada.

When it comes to Shia LaBeouf, his acting skills are unmistakably sharp, but rumors about other aspects of his life have been less clear-cut. Despite facing allegations of “relentless abuse” during his past relationship with FKA Twigs, one thing LaBeouf openly admitted is that he’s not exactly packing a Hollywood blockbuster in his pants.

“I remember putting a pillow underneath [my girlfriend] because I had seen that in a porn movie,” he told Playboy. “It put her at a weird angle, where I couldn’t get in correctly. I’m not extremely well-endowed…and clearly this wasn’t the move.”

Nick Lachey

Smallest Penises in Hollywood: Nick Lachey, Vanessa Lachey at the 2018 Daytime Emmy Awards - Creative at Pasadena Civic Auditorium on April 27, 2018 in Pasadena, CA

He made our hearts (and maybe other parts) throb when Nick Lachey sang You say you want a man to give you good loving” back in his 98 Degrees days. But as rumors swirl around this pop-star-turned-reality-host, it begs the question: can love truly be blind, especially when it comes to, well, size?

After their surprising divorce at the end of 2005, pop singer Jessica Simpson reportedly gave an interview in which she confessed: “Nick’s small package was a problem sometimes, like the first time we had sex, to tell you the truth, I didn’t really feel much. I faked the whole thing. I really felt sorry for him; I still loved him though.”

Since his days with the pop princess, Lachey found love in the arms of the stunning Vanessa Lachey (formerly known as Milano) when they tied the knot in 2011. They’ve since made waves hosting Netflix reality shows, proving that even if certain rumors about his size hold any water, it’s pretty clear that it doesn’t matter one bit to Vanessa!

Enrique Iglesias

Smallest Penises in Hollywood: Enrique Iglesias concert at the Olympic Stadium, surrounded by his fans.

We imagine it’s hard to “stack” up to a Dad who’s reportedly slept with over 2,000 women. But the handsome Latin crooner has light-heartedly poked fun about the size of his dong for years.

In 2005, Enrique Inglesias even teased about launching a line of extra-small condoms, saying, “I can never find extra-small condoms, and I know it’s really embarrassing for people — you know, from experience.” Then, in 2011, he candidly declared, “I have the smallest penis in the world” during an interview.

But hey, if Anna Kournikova doesn’t seem to be bothered, who are we to judge? The two have been happily married since 2001, back when he was begging us to let him be our hero.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Smallest Penises in Hollywood: Leonardo DiCaprio attends the premiere of the movie "Once Upon A Time In Hollywood" during the 72nd Cannes Film Festival on May 21, 2019 in Cannes, France.

It turns out that not even Hollywood’s golden boy, Leonardo DiCaprio, can escape the watchful eyes of Mr. Man, a database dedicated to male celebrity nude scenes. These folks must have had quite a bit of free time to indulge in the unusual hobby of scrutinizing and ranking actors based on their manhood.

But to our collective surprise, our dear Leo found himself making an appearance on this rather unique list.

And what’s the clincher, you ask? The decisive evidence was drawn from his role in the 2004 film “Total Eclipse” where his package barely managed to cast a shadow.

Colin Farrell

Smallest Penises in Hollywood: Colin Farrell attends the 'The Killing Of A Sacred Deer' screening during the 70th Cannes Film Festival at Palais des Festivals on May 22, 2017 in Cannes, France.

Back in 2004, Colin Farrell left little to the imagination when he candidly remarked to a reporter that the size of his manhood was “ain’t nothing to f**king write home about.”

But fast-forward to 2006, and a 14-minute sex tape featuring Farrell and Playboy model Nicole Narain (NSFW) suddenly made its way onto the internet. The spicy video swiftly putting an end to any doubts about Colin’s endowment.

As it turns out, he not only had something worth writing home about, and he’s got one very filthy mouth.

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