Lost Classics

This Song Pokes Fun At Crystal Queens, Circuit Queens, And Bottoms. Don’t Miss It.


In our new feature “Lost Classics,” Queerty will veer beyond what sometimes feels like an obsessive fixation with Nick Jonas, James Franco, Zac Efron, and other pop personalities to write about gay songs, films, performers, and artifacts you may have overlooked, never been exposed to, or are perhaps ready to revisit. First up, the satirical torch song “Gay Questions” by L.A.-based personality Jonny McGovern, a.k.a. “The Gay Pimp, ” host of the talk show Hey Qween! and dozens of other intriguing projects.

“Circuit queen, you are so muscly… you muscleman… do you ever eat? Do you ever have a sandwich with bread, a sandwich with bread…?”

Related: “Whoa, Dude” Host Jonny McGovern On “The Gayest Things Straight Guys Do”

So begins “Gay Questions,” an epically overblown four-and-a-half minute faux-torch song, complete with heavily AutoTuned lead vocals, increasingly filthy lyrics, and plaintive piano arpeggios calling to mind baleful performance artists stridently waving streamers.

The song succeeds as both a hilarious takedown of some of the foibles modern gay man face, as well as the penchant that some overly comfortable straight people have about asking presumptuous questions to said modern gay men.

Related: Jonny McGovern’s Theme Song for Bottoms Who Rule the Boudoir

It asks a number of seemingly naive questions directed at circuit queens, non-monogamous homo life partners, two-handed fisting bottoms, and crystal queens, managing to get increasingly ludicrous as the song progresses, and ending each verse with the chorus, “I’ve got gay questions, and I need gay answers.”

We’ve all been there. For us, the song manages to be both utterly hilarious and oddly melancholic at the same time.

Check out the song below, and learn more about the quixotic, multi-talented Jonny McGovern here:

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