Can a guy identify as straight while still hooking up with other guys from time to time? According to another new study: Yes!
The study was published in the journal Sexualities and was led by Héctor Carrillo and Amanda Hoffman from Northwestern University. They interviewed a total of 100 straight-identifying men of various ages who say they occasionally have sex with other men.
“[The men] interpret that they are exclusively or primarily attracted to women, and many also conclude that they have no sexual attraction to men in spite of their desire to have sex with men,” researchers say. “They define sexual attraction as a combination of physical and emotional attraction, and they assess that their interest in women includes both, while their interest in men is purely or mainly sexual, not romantic or emotional.”
Related: “Straight” Guys Are Having More Bisexual Sex Than Ever Before, Study Finds
Now, let’s take a look at some highlights from their interviews…
Reggie, age 28, told researchers that might be attracted to men, but he really likes women:
I know what I like. I like p****y. I like women … the more the merrier … I would kiss a woman. ANYWHERE. I can barely hug a man … I do have a healthy sexual imagination and wonder about other things in the sexual realm I’ve never done … Sometimes I get naughty and explore … That’s how I see it.
Charlie, age 32, feels similarly:
Women are hot … I can see a beautiful woman walk down the street and I instantly can … get horny. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy walking by and got a b*ner. Also, I would not want to kiss or make out with them or love them. They would be more like a sexual experience.
When asked why he doesn’t openly identify as bisexual, 27-year-old Simon said:
I think everybody is a little bi. Isn’t that what this research is about? There’s the Kinsey scale … It’s not like Bush saying you’re either with us or with the terrorists. I think I’m probably bi but what I present to the world is a heterosexual man. Internally I’m bi, but that’s not something most people know. I’m not ashamed, but the majority of people are ignorant and close-minded.
Dustin, 28, had a similar response:
I am not openly bisexual to society except in sexual situations … I don’t have relationships with men; I am in a relationship with my wife and only love her. [I’m bisexual] only with men behind closed doors.
Related: Why Are Bisexuals So Self-Destructive? This Study May Have The Answer.
This falls in line with a similar study conducted by Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health last year that found many bi guys kept their true sexual orientations secret out of the fear of criticism and ridicule by their peers.
In the 2016 study, the men said they worried their wives and girlfriends would have “extreme negative reactions,” and that their friends and family members would treat them differently. “I would never tell anyone,” one participant said. “I’ll go to my grave with this.”
So what’s the takeaway form this new study?
“As indicated by the variety of terms that they used, those descriptors often reinforce a perception that, as a sexual orientation category, heterosexuality is elastic instead of rigid,” Carrillo and Hoffman write. “Some degree of same-sex desire and behavior need not automatically push an individual out of the heterosexual category.”
They add: “While some men are willing to recognize that their sexual behaviors might qualify their being called bisexual–and they may privately identify with that label–they feel that there is no contradiction between holding a private awareness of being bisexual and a public persona as straight or heterosexual.”
Related: Author of “dude sex” study talks about straight men hooking up with straight men and much, much more
Jack Meoff
So basically they want to enjoy the pleasure of man on man sex while still benefiting from their straight privilege. Sounds kind of cowardly to me. Gay men are just tools to be used for their convenience is how I read this.
Trekbike
Gay men often see themselves as inferior to straight men and only because gay men allow it. Let’s face it, most gay men fantasize about getting a straight guy in the sack and sucking him off? According to the majority of gay men on here, gay men are always to blame for everything! I see it differently. Gay men need to start respecting themselves and it helps if other gay men start respecting each other. I always give gay men credit for just trying their best to survive in a world of hatred. Why is it that so many on here are quick to condemn and NEVER have a positive solution. Typical!!
DCguy
I see the quest to erase bisexual and gay guys from existence and pretend that being a closet case is somehow a noble stand against “Labels” continues.
Hey Queerty, here is a hint, when a guy is CROWING about how much he loves P***y, and that he can barely even hug a man. But that sometimes he gets “Naughty” and explores with guys……
Um, that is literally the classic closet case. He is ashamed, so can’t even HUG a man (Which straight men have no problem with)
And he LOVES “P***y” but on the down low sneaks off to have sex with guys.
Really this article is offensive and sounds like something written in the 1950’s to assure men that everything was just a phase and they weren’t REALLY bi or gay even though they were constantly thinking about or having sex with men.
Shame on you.
Mkiel
Well said. I have never responded to a guy who says “straight acting” & I will not have sex with a guy if he claims to be “straight” ,you never know where he’s been.
Trekbike
I quite agree with you!! Not only do they remain in the closet while having their cake and eat it too. They love having man on man sex on Saturday and then go to mass on Sunday to condemn it, with their supposedly Christian bible preaching friends. This is exactly what the religious leadership and the republicans do every single day. The only reason Tony Perkins became the president of the Family Research Council is because the prior president resigned after being caught molesting young boys.
DCguy
Oh, also, the methodology of the study was wrong. They interviewed men who slept with men who “SELF IDENTIFIED AS STRAIGHT”.
So they study didn’t even have a definition of straight, in other words, the guys could have been sleeping with 10 different men a night and 1 woman every 5 years, but as long as THEY called themselves straight, they were labeled straight in the study.
This just gets more and more idiotic.
NateOcean
“What’s the difference between a straight guy and a Gay one? A six pack of beer.”
radiooutmike
I’ve always heard “a half-bottle of whiskey and a line of coke.”
GayEGO
Some guys like to have their weenie satisfied in whatever way they can. Being gay is a lot more than having sex with other men as it requires an emotional love of men they are attracted to, not just to have sex with them.
Trekbike
You’re absolutely correct! Man on man sex does not make a homosexual. It’s the deep emotional bond a man has for another man, in addition to a sexual relationship. It’s always been the definition. It shocks me how gay men still think like their straight parents taught them to. This is NOT new information guys.
surreal33
The definition of gay is extremely narrow. Society dictates if you every had a sexual encounter with a man you are gay and saddles you with all the baggage of being gay. A man who gets dick sucked yet has no emotional attachment (in my opinion) is not gay. Men want to get off without commitment, small talk or romance. Women will not accept this type of sexual arrangement. Therefore men turn to other men when they just want to get off!!!
Trekbike
You got it!! A mans penis was made to enjoy being manipulated. It’s supposed to feel awesome so he will reproduce no matter what. But, then came religion. It’s totally screwed up everything. The person that decided that a man should be monogamous to one person in marriage was not of a sexual nature. It’s totally natural and normal for every man to desire orgasm after orgasm as often as possible until death.
Roan
I notice that many of the confessions start with the “i’m totally straight, but…” caveat.
Doug
These guys sound just like me when I first realized I was attracted to guys and had to stay in denial because I couldn’t accept I was gay They’re stuck in denial phase and haven’t been able to move on to acceptance. Once again, however, this story seems to REALLY be about gay men’s – and Queerty’s – obsession with the fantasy of “straight’ men having sex with other guys. Why is there always such a continual fascination with this subject?
BriBri
You can have all the straight guys you want, they usually have dirty holes. No thank you.
Billy Budd
This study just adds to the evidence, confirmed in modern times by the Kinsey study, that MOST, most people would be classic bisexuals if there were no repression from society. Bisexuality is the real, most normal sexual orientation for primates, and we are primates.
Paco
While many of us endured terrible things so we could live our lives openly, now it seems to be fashionable to make excuses for staying in the closet. Things can’t change if the closet becomes normalized.
I’ll never be supporting gay and bisexual erasure so that these “straight” guys can make their hidden gay lives more bearable. Society wants us hidden from view.
Aromaeus
It’s literally what I could imagine hearing coming from a closeted gay man or teenager. I went through it too. “I’m sexually attracted to men but the idea of starting a life or relationship with them is just to weird”.
Seattleguy
I’ve done erotic massage for men for ages and most of my clientele are not gay. Out of thousands of the “others”, less than a handfull were out to wives. What is most surprising is I talk to almost everyone and the vast majority don’t try same sex sex till their middle years. They almost never wish to kiss or do anything romantic with a dude. I would say that 98% are openly bisexual with anyone other than the man they are with at the time. The biggest deterrent to open bisexuality is women. The vast majority of women cannot deal with an open relationship and the bi part really ups the resistance big time. I really think there are many more bi men than gay men, but it will never become a movement because of female partner resistance. The world as a whole would be very, very , very surprised at the men they know who are secretly having sex with men. I think one reason many guys in their middle years decide to try sex with men is that they get tired of how difficult sex with women is unless you pay them.
Seattleguy
That should have read 98% are NOT openly bisexual….
Juanjo
Straight guys will happily get their dick wet if they figure they can do so without the family and friends knowing. That has always been the case.
mick23Toronto
Yeah if that wet is woman’s vagina.
dustashed
How many times must multiple guys claim the same thing with the same perception before we just take their word for it?
Was it not a few decades ago when society could not comprehend the idea why a gay man exists and why a man would desire a man in the firsr place simply because they could not put themselves in our shoes.
Why don’t we extend the same understanding and just take them at their word and their own unique experience of their sexuality.
Just my 2 cents.
gaym50ish
It has been more than 60 years since Kinsey described his theory of sexual orientation on a zero-to-six scale, zero being totally heterosexual and six being totally homosexual. So why do we continue to see orientation as an either/or state of mind, and continue to be surprised and even make catty remarks if someone who’s a Kinsey 1 or 2 identifies as straight? Most of us have had SOME experience with women, but we don’t hesitate to identify as gay.
This black-or-white, either/or thinking even causes our enemies to think that “reparative therapy” works, and to convince their “victims” that they really have changed. They may have changed a Kinsey 5 to a Kinsey 3 and think they’ve succeeded because the guy marries a woman and has children, but the attraction to men is still there.
kent25
lmao! I can’t, where do you get these stories