“Are you sure you’re gay?”
“If you had a choice, would you be straight?”
“Do gay guys get turned on when they look at themselves naked?”
Related: Bisexuals Answer Stupid Questions Commonly Asked By Gay People
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
These three questions are plucked from “Gay People Tell Us the Questions They Absolutely Hate Being Asked,” a story that ran this week in Vice that compiles a list of common conversational curveballs that habitually make gay men and lesbians duck for cover.
Related: Watch Straight Guys Answer The Annoying Questions Gays Get Asked All The Time
And since we’re sure you’ve fielded your fair share of queasily probing questions over the years, we thought we’d ask:
What particularly presumptuous questions make you absolutely crazy, and how do you answer them?
Weigh in in the comments below.
Scribe38
“Who is the top and who is the bottom in your relationship?”
“Does anal sex hurt every time?”
“Who pays on dates?”
“”Don’t you ever want to have kids?”
Josh447
“Are you self lubricating?”
“Who changes the oil in your in your butthole?”
“Do you practice on bananas?”
“Do you slurp or gobble, then swallow?”
“Who cleans the skid marks off the living room carpet?”
“How many times have you bottomed?”
“Are you religious?”
“Have you ever been with a priest?”
“Are there really glory holes in confessionals?”
“Are you ever worried your butthole is going to fall out?”
VampDC
“Have you and (gay male friend) ever had sex?!”
“Do you have to hide your boner in the locker room?”
“Do you think ____ is gay?”
Kathy Green
“Who pays on dates?” and “Are you religious?” are normal questions, in my opinion. Even in opposite-sex dating it isn’t clear who does the paying.
Pistolo
“How/when are you going to have babies? Will you adopt/surrogacy/etc?”
“How do you decide who is top and who is bottom?”
Billy Budd
Who is the man and who is the woman in the relationship?
rand503
Sometimes it isn’t the questions, its the comments that bug me:
“I don’t anyone should discriminate against anyone else, but I don’t see the need for any laws for gays.”
“Why do gays have to always talk about being gay? Why can’t they just keep it to themselves? No one has to hear about their sex lives.”
“Gays just think about sex all the time and their next conquest.”
“You shouldn’t criticize the church for their beliefs. They aren’t going to change.”
“Gay marriage is all about you gays just feeling good about yourselves (or) It’s just about you forcing society to accept you.”
“Why isn’t civil union good enough for you gays?”
lucas_witherspoon
“What does anal feel like?”
“Who’s the man and who’s the woman?”
Mike
Question: Arent you lonely? Why don’t you have a boyfriend? Don’t you want to get married now that it’s legal?
Me: I like being single
MikeE
“Do you think I should vaccinate my children?”
“Should I vote for Donald Trump?”
“Should I go vegan?”
“Should I cut all gluten out of my diet?”
jag4313
“Who’s the man and who’s the woman?”
“So you’re having sex all the time, right?”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Does this look good on me?”
“Did you notice my new hair style?”
Dave Downunder
“How do you have anal sex without getting mess (shit) everywhere?”
rickhfx
Why do you always have to talk about your gay lifestyle?
I love that one !
QJ201
When are you getting married??
Thanks social progress
whirlaround
“Don’t you want a family one day?” Moms and siblings, ugh.
“Really? You’re gay? You don’t seem gay.” I get this _all the time_.
“Who is usually the woman when you have sex?” My brother asked me this.
“Doesn’t it just smell bad when you have sex?” I was asked this once, and it just shows how obsessed straight people get with gay sex.
“Women are just so much better than men. How could anyone love a man?” Asked of me by a lesbian woman, albeit half-jokingly. I hope it’s okay that this was not asked of me by a straight person. I find this equally as undermining and downright unpleasant a question.
“Why don’t you want to wear make-up? You’re gay! Drag is the ultimate form of gay.” Asked/said to me by a 14 year old relative who wanted to put make-up and nail polish on me. I’m a man. I’m gender-conforming. I want to remain a man, and I am insulted by the notion that I am not a man.
“Why do gay guys always have to bring up the fact they’re gay?” I get this occasionally. Honestly, I never bring up that I am gay unless someone’s making assumptions otherwise. I just remind people, and that bugs them.
“Does that mean you were lying to me when you said you find attractive?” Just one friend asked me this. I was closeted. I had sex with women, and I pursued women sometimes because I wanted to act as I was expected to act.
“But shouldn’t you care more about a person’s economic policies? Gay people already have rights, they’re not going to take them away.” My family…my family… We’re not a protected class in a lot of areas. The end.
Heywood Jablowme
“Why don’t gay guys like football?”
The only reply to that I’ve ever thought of is, “Because it’s stupid.”
Of course I realize that SOME gay guys like football. But they’re stupid!
MacAdvisor
I don’t think the “what does anal feel like” question is so bad. I think it a great opener to the response, “here, let me show you.”
Bauhaus
“If you like both men and women, wouldn’t it just be easier to be with a woman?”
Record Man
“When you and your boyfriend have sex, which one of you is ‘the girl?'”
(Neither of us; we’re both men)
“Have you always been gay?”
(Have you always been straight?”)
“Why do you want to dress up in women’s clothes?”
(I don’t)
“Don’t you worry about becoming incontinent on account of gay sex?”
(That’s a myth; I’ve never heard of anyone who did)
“Why do you want to put your dick into an opening designed to excrete waste?”
(Liquid waste passes through what part of a woman’s body?)
orjeffy
“Are you and your friend dating? Why not?”
No, because we’re friends. FRIENDS. Get it?
desertboy
Maybe I live in a bubble because I live in Southern California but, I have never been asked any “stupid question” by straight friends, co-workers or acquaintances. I really can’t imagine being asked any of the questions readers claim to have been asked.
TroisBoi
I had an employee ask me/ remark that I MUST have the perfect relationship since it consisted of two guys, and it must be great since guys get each other. After a bunch of questions and answers he was shocked that I had a normal relationship just like every other human on earth. My husband, of 15 years, and I actually laugh, cry, argue, bleed, sweat, oh……we eat like real people, and every other trait that comes with being human. LOL!!
I have been asked very question listed on this page. Curiosity can bring out the best in people.
“Isn’t it hard for you to go out in public since you must want to fuck EVERY guy you see?” Ha, Ha, Ha!!
I have had religious friends ask me how I slept at night knowing I was going to Hell. I use the term religious friends LOOSELY!!!!
“Don’t you wish you were normal?” Um……..I am.
“How many people have you turned gay with your powers?” I sear this is one of the best. LOL!!!
He BGB
Do gay guys get turned on when they look in the mirror? Is that a dumb question? Because I think some do. Mae West had a mirror over her bed. “I like to see how I’m doin'”. So maybe narcissistic people gay and straight? Enquiring minds want to know….
baggins435
#1(by far) “Do you think ______ is gay?” “I don’t know, he didn’t give me the secret handshake.” “Really?” “No, you moron.”
#2 How do you decide who’s the “woman” and who’s the “man”? “We are both men.”
#3 “It is so easy for gays to get laid. All you have to do is go to a gay bar and pick a guy.” “Seriously? So, if I lock you and (nasty woman at work) in a room how long until you rip each other’s clothes off and get busy?” “NEVER!” “Why not, you’re a guy, she’s a girl.” “I have standards.” “And you think we don’t?”
#4 A co-worker in the National Guard during DADT. “No one has ever been kicked out of the military for being gay. It just doesn’t happen.” “Allow me to go online and prove you wrong.” “Those people are lying, it has NEVER happened.”
#5 Person I’ve known for years. “How come gays have this innate sense of fashion?” I look down at my $10 jeans, $5 Wal-Mart T-shirt, and generic sneakers. “Excuse me, I don’t think we’ve met before.”
#6 “Johnny Weir is SOOO annoying. What is his problem?” “I completely agree, and I have no idea.”
ric
The one i get all the time is. Are you gay because you grew up in a all boys home? And my answer is always the same. No i just had an advange. And believe me i had a lot of cute ones there..
Those were the days.
philipcfromnyc
I am frequently asked whether anal sex hurts. When I try to explain that it is extremely pleasurable, I am met with puzzled stares, and straight guys then ask me if it is pleasurable only for the top. When I try to explain that it is pleasant for the bottom too, I get even more blank stares, and I have to explain the fact that the prostate gland is bathed in nerves which cause sensations of great pleasure when they are stimulated.
Another question which drives me completely nuts is whether or not I chose to be gay.
Also, when did I first know that I was gay (I try to explain that I knew, as a very young child, that I was different; but it was only when puberty hit me that I fully understood the exact NATURE of this difference).
I am frequently asked whether I am attracted to straight guys. When I explain that I frequently find their appearance sexually stimulating but that I would never hit on them because I know that they are straight (and that I would be imposing my sexual orientation on them by hitting on them), I get polite stares of disbelief — as if I am incapable of behaving in a situationally appropriate manner.
I am often asked if I would choose to become straight were this an option. That drives me absolutely nuts.
Then the worst statement of all is the term “sexual preference” as opposed to “sexual orientation.” I try to explain that a “preference” pertains to such issues as the flavor of ice cream which I enjoy the most, whereas an orientation is a STATE OF BEING.
PHILIP CHANDLER
james_christensen
“how do you know you don’t like sex with a woman if you’ve never tried it?” is probably the one that irritates me the most. I always ask my straight male friends “If youve never had sex with a man how do you know YOU don’t like it?” lol.
“you’ve never been curious about being with a woman?”
“im ok with gay people, but you’re not interested in me are you?”
AxelDC
Are you two brothers?
AxelDC
“Are gay guys turned on by looking at themselves in the mirror?”
No, most of us have such body issues we either avoid it or spend the entire time in mental self-flagellation.
Jimmy
This isn’ t a question, but it makes me furious at my friend who never misses a chance to say it. ” you know, you don’ t act gay. You could pass for straight anytime you wanted to.” I always want to reply, ” Really?,…cause u should see me with a dick in my mouth.”
LubbockGayMale
“It’s a choice, right?”
Yeah, that’s why my brother and sister are both gay, as are half of my cousins!
Record Man
When straight people (usually women) would say to me, “but you don’t act gay,” I’d tell them, “I’m sure you meant that as a compliment.” They’d always respond in the affirmative.
But my reply these days is, “yes, I do. I’m gay 24/7, so any way I act is automatically a gay way to act.”
Shuts them right up!
ed_burns
I’ve been out for almost 40 years. I can honestly say that I can’t recall any straight people asking me stupid questions about being gay.
girldownunder
@Billy Budd: I actually had a gynecologist ask me this! I was gob-smacked that a “supposed” professional could really be THAT backwards….
girldownunder
@Jimmy: Hilarious! Lol…. 🙂
jamessavik
Who is the man?