It’s 2018 and the National Enquirer just ran a story this week titled Andy Cohen’s Internet X-Ploits Exposed. In true Enquirer fashion, the story is dripping with salaciousness and ridicule, with a little dose of homophobia thrown in for good measure.
The tabloid claims to have spoken with a “much younger man” who says he connected with Cohen recently on Grindr. Not only that, but he shared screenshots of the 50-year-old Bravo exec’s alleged profile.
According to the Enquirer, Cohen’s Grindr screen name is “Space Man”. His profile features a photo of himself in red swim trunks. The two exchanged photos before arranging a get together.
“Andy made it clear he wanted no part of kissing or affectionate touching,” the guy says. “Only no-strings-attached sex.”
Yep, sounds like a pretty standard Grindr hookup to us.
The tabloid also claims to have spoken with multiple other sources, including an anonymous gay “Manhattan socialite” who alleges Cohen regularly “lurks around at circuit parties in NYC” for guys to hookup with.
Um, that is one of the key elements of circuit parties. Guys go to meet other guys with whom they can dance, drink, and possibly have sex. (And to get in the occasional fist fight.)
Another source describes Cohen as “very selfish” with a “voracious sexual appetite.”
“He once used his celebrity to woo a young man, then discarded him like trash once he was finished.”
A celebrity using his star status to get laid?! Lock him up!
Other accusations made in the article include Cohen’s insatiable hunger for “redheads, younger ginger boys”, that he’s totally “sex-crazed,” that he insists on wearing condoms (scandal!), and that he forbids his paramours from “breathing a word” about their exploits together.
“The rule with Andy is no-social media posts,” yet another source claims, “and you cannot tell anyone you’ve slept with him.”
Yes, how dare Andy Cohen demand a right to privacy… especially when it comes to his sex life!
There’s just one teeny tiny hiccup in the Enquirer‘s totally bogus story: Andy’s not on Grindr. He told Ellen earlier this year that he’s a Tinder guy.
“I’m on Tinder,” he revealed, adding that he kept getting kicked off Grindr “because they think I’m impersonating ‘Andy Cohen’, and they’re like, ‘Your photos don’t meet our guidelines’ and I keep trying to [say] ‘No! It is me.’”
Honestly, we wouldn’t expect anything less from the publication that endorsed Donald Trump for President.
Related: Andy Cohen banned from Grindr