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The 2011 Emmy Awards Were Gayer Than The Oscars

Amazingly, the 2011 Emmys wrapped up on time (but still felt overlong). To save you an evening’s worth of uneven moments, we’ve condensed three hours of Hollywood backslapping to its most homosexualish watercooler talking points:

* Alan Cumming shows up in a black tux jacket and bright red floral pants. But that happens before the show, so it only counts as red carpet gayness. Either way, as a move, it’s pretty good. Give the man his peacock cred.

*An opening song-and-dance clip starring host Jane Lynch that begins with Leonard Nimoy calling Lynch “mannish” (she’s fine with it) and segues into Rex Lee from Entourage dancing with Jeremy Piven.

*Modern Family (quite gay) and Downton Abbey (technically somewhat less gay, but with period costumes so basically just as gay) win everything.

*Joining his TV wife/Supporting Actress winner Julie Bowen, MF‘s Ty Burrell takes home Supporting Actor  award, leaving his out co-star Jessie Tyler Ferguson as an also-ran. But both executive producer Christopher Lloyd and writer Jeffrey Richman thank their partners.

*Did Big Bang Theory‘s Jim Parsons come out yet? Everyone talks about him being gay, but he hasn’t really said either way. But he wins his second award for lead role in a comedy.

*Jane Lynch makes one boring lesbian joke and one awesome lesbian joke: The boring one namechecks Rachel Maddow, fannypacks and changing her own oil. The awesome one involves introducing the cast of Entourage and calling them reason she’s not into men.

*Lonely Island mash up all their nominated songs, including the one about having a threeway (see clip above of the show’s hands-down best three minutes). During the extravagant production number which includes gyrating male dancers dressed as water and Michael Bolton dressed as a pirate, the Lonely Island men descend into the audience to freak William H. Macy. That’s man/man/man-on-man freaking. Almost a fourgy.

*Remember the original 1980 version of Fame and its lone gay character? The actor’s name is Paul McCrane. He was the frizzy haired kid who gets taken to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Anyway, then he went on to be the mean baldie doc on E.R. He presents the Emmy to Martin Scorcese for directing Boardwalk Empire, beating gay director Jeremy Podeswa in the same category.

*Chris Colfer’s date: his mom. Such a nice boy.

*Todd Haynes’s excellent Mildred Pierce miniseries upsets the Downton Abbey streak and gives Best Actress to Kate Winslet. She’s now a Tony Award away from EGOT status.

*Modern Family‘s co-creator Steven Levitan catches the most earnest pop-up fly of the evening in his acceptance speech, telling the story of running into a gay couple —who thanked him for making America more tolerant—and turning it into a joke about making the world safer for couples comprised of old men and hot younger women.

*Glee shut-out, notwitstanding an earlier, non-televised win for Gwyneth Paltrow, who won for Best Guest Actress in a Comedy Series. Sadly there was no award for Best Abs in a Bizarre Midriff Dress.

And that’s a wrap. For a list of all the winners, check out the Emmys website.

    • Cam

      It’s a shame that in the middle of a show where Jane Lynch had wonderfully remarked on her sexuality in several jokes, Jim Parsons was pretty much the only person up there who didn’t thank his family or spouse.

      So he is engaged but still feels he can’t mention his partner. It’s sad and I hope one day those concerns are no longer an isssue.

      That said…I can’t believe the poster liked Paltrows dress. It was weird, she had no waist in it and it made her body look like it was a guy wearing a dress.

      Sep 19, 2011 at 11:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777

      @Cam: @Cam: Didn’t they call her dress bizarre? I didn’t take that as liking it.

      I agree with the author, though, on how the best 3 minutes of the show was The Lonely Island’s performance, complete with Bill Macy freaking. Also, as much as he’s been the butt of jokes over the years (prolly something to do with the mullet he used to rock) Michael Bolton has a gorgeous, rich voice.

      Sep 19, 2011 at 12:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mav

      Yeah, that was pretty gay all right.

      I <3 Michael Bolton though, what an awesome singing voice. And that's pretty awesome he dressed up like a pirate. It'd be so fun to do something completely ridiculous at the Emmys or the Oscars.

      Sep 19, 2011 at 1:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jon Tom

      The whole thing was a bore, except when the best actress in a comedy was presented. Loved when all of them went on the stage before the winner was announced! Very funny!

      Sep 19, 2011 at 2:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bryan

      It was lovely to see Modern Family clean house. Well written and consistently funny unlike Glee.

      Sep 19, 2011 at 3:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • steve

      Agreed on Paltrows dress but hey.. everyone know Oscar fashion is the most important and this year girl delivered!

      So if your British or Gay you should do well at the Prime time Emmy awards? Well I’m full gay AND half English so make way ladies.. here I come!

      Sep 19, 2011 at 3:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • christopher di spirito

      I adore Jane Lynch but as Emmy host, she was dreadful. Stiff, unfunny and awkward. Plus, what was up with all the “I’m gay and….” comments? Everyone knows she’s a lesbian so was it necessary to remind everyone? Reminding viewers Jane is gay is like reminding viewers Betty White is old.

      Sep 19, 2011 at 5:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • simonew

      Chris’s date was actually his Grandmother. He took his Mom last year!

      Sep 19, 2011 at 6:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777

      @Bryan: I like Modern Family, but Glee is not unfunny. And I’d like to have seen some of my other favorite shows win once or twice, too. Seeing any show (even one I watch) win everything gets really old really fast.

      Sep 19, 2011 at 6:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tressa

      OMG Boring! As soon as I got a load of Jane Lynch…I changed the channel…Kids are watching..do parents have to be subjected to this obnoxious show? Years ago it had dignity, class but now? Anything goes…and as far as I am concerned…goodby Emmys, goodby Oscars, Goodby Golden Globes…got better things to do than to be barraged with bad sex jokes, bad gay jokes, bad political jokes and just this maddening hedonistic group of a holes who couldn’t get a job in the private sector if they tried.

      Sep 19, 2011 at 7:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lefty

      @tressa: “…got better things to do…”


      Sep 19, 2011 at 7:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • fredo777

      @tressa: And goodbye to you, you uptight prig.

      Sep 19, 2011 at 7:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Red Meat

      HBO was robbed. Everything HBO was way better then everything that won, that abby crap? please shoot me you brits, bloody hell!

      Sep 19, 2011 at 8:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mav

      @simonew: Okay, I think it’s time for Chris Colfer to man up and take a REAL date next year.

      Just sayin’.

      Sep 20, 2011 at 8:49 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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