GayWeddingCakeTopperTorn640In the last installment of his four-part relationship series, therapist Matthew Dempsey covers the uncomfortable, painful, often visceral ending to so many of our sincere adventures in love — the breakup.

Why do we break up? What does it mean? Will I be alone forever or what?!

As Matthew puts it, “It’s really easy for us to mistake comfort with compatibility, and any time that there’s any kind of conflict, it’s like ‘Whoa, maybe this is a red flag, maybe we’re not actually meant to be together.'” But those are opportunities to work — work on ourselves, on our communication, and on keeping sight of what’s important.

It’s those other times, when our essential needs aren’t being met, that a breakup might be on the horizon.

But fear not! You aren’t a failure at love, you’re just an evolving creature with ever-changing needs. And as Matthew aptly puts it, relationships involve putting egos aside and staying attune to each other. Sometimes, that means calling it quits and reviving that Tinder account.

Here’s Matthew explaining it much better that we can: 

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