Any gay guy who says he hasn’t had at least one awkward run in with someone he’s flirted with online is either, A. not online, or B. lying. It happens to the best of us and it’s almost always a little uncomfortable, even though it really shouldn’t be.
Related: This guy’s coming out tweet went unexpectedly viral for all the right reasons
This week, Twitter user @JohnnyCruz_7 tweeted about this very issue, writing: “Gay culture is someone liking all your photos, watching your story daily and DM’ing you on 3 different apps but still pretending they don’t know who you are in public.”
Gay culture is someone liking all your photos, watching your story daily and DM’ing you on 3 different apps but still pretending they don’t know who you are in public.
— Johnny Cruz (@JohnnyCruz_7) February 7, 2022
The tweet quickly went viral, racking up over 3,200 likes, almost 300 retweets, and dozens and dozens of comments and quote tweets.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Some people completely agreed…
You’re telling no lies
— Dorian christiano 🇵🇭🇵🇷🇺🇸 (@dcsdmack) February 8, 2022
Gay culture can be very toxic. Very cliquey too.
— Davidgtts (@davidgtts) February 7, 2022
— Andrew Alexander (@beyondalxander) February 7, 2022
Guilty
— Jaxson Ratcliffe (@JaxsonRatcliffe) February 8, 2022
Others begged to differ…
Think we could redefine gay culture ‘cause there’s so many of us that don’t relate… which gays does it apply to? 😉
— Adam (@ealdorman14) February 8, 2022
I’m the opposite… I say hi irl to break the ice and it’s always well received 😌😌
— oomf magazine vol 2 (@oomfmagazine) February 8, 2022
Depends on whether your actually converse with them, though
— giovanni bienne 🏳️🌈🌹 (@giovannibienne) February 8, 2022
What would rather they do?
Make you uncomfortable in public? They’ve accepted your rejection and that’s it— Cele 🇺🇸🇿🇦🇦🇮🇦🇪🇰🇪 (@MEOVIZI_IAN_EEA) February 8, 2022
Then there were those who offered explanations for why this bizarre phenomenon happens…
It is not the culture, more it is the person…
— capapaoso (@capapaoso) February 8, 2022
Maybe you are using too much filter on your photos and videos and the gays just can’t recongnize you
— linda e quebrada 🧜🏽♀️🔞 (@lexxxotham) February 7, 2022
In my case it’s social anxiety I want to say hi but I get so anxious and awkward and I don’t know what to do 😭😭😭
— Stud 🇮🇹🇬🇧🏳️🌈 (@Stud3041) February 8, 2022
Sounds like those people are dumb
— That’s rough, buddy. (@SilverSoul84) February 8, 2022
And then there was this…
Then they get no dick. Their loss 🤷♂️
— Hung Jock Top (@HungTop16) February 7, 2022
Related: This tweet about why being gay is “exhausting” has gone viral for all the right reasons
Invader7
News flash: If some anal orifice doesn’t say ” Hi ” in public , definitely NOT gonna waste my time on that fool. A lot of people today have NO manners,class,couth or civility. Everyone needs to delete the damn fricking apps and get out in the actual REAL world.Instead of spending hours on the stupid apps /sites : going NO where,wasting people’s time and being classless /ill-mannered / ghosting teases and douche bags.. A LOT of you guys bad behavior are giving gay men a bad name and reputation. Quite a sizeable % of you knuckle heads stay home and are on MULTIPLE sites with NO intention of ever actaully meeting up with a LIVE,REAL human being. It’s the bar scene gone cyber. NO Thank You…
redzebra1
You can’t meet everyone at the venues in the gay village. They might be of that sort, so apps or off-work chatting is the only way.
Mr. Stadnick
This is one of the stupidest “articles” this vacuous website has posted. credited to “editors” which is really just cut and pasters.
Could you try to step it up and maybe write something with thought in it that doesn’t rely almost entirely on Twitter posts?
Ronbo
Repeating all the intelligence you can fit into a paragraph is the new Queerty way. The editors don’t value complex thought and so they repeat what they hear. It’s like the telephone game – only made for us!
cheks
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Prax07
Ok, so Before the pandemic there was a guy on A4A that I never really spoke to but who had unlocked his nude pics for me, without my asking or having messaged each other previously. It was just a message notification that X had unlocked his pics for me. Dick, hole, butt, precum, etc, nothing left to any imagination. I never replied because I wasn’t looking for a hookup at the time.
The following month I go, with my mom, to eat at a sit down chain restaurant. The greeter/seater was A4A guy. He seemed to recognize me, I recognized him, but nothing was said (cuz with MOM). After I got home I decided to message him, saying his A4A pics were great but that he’s even cuter in person, referring to seeing him at the restaurant. He completely freaked out, acted ike I was stalking him or something.
Now if I encounter someone from the apps IRL in passing I don’t acknowledge at all or anything.
Gigi Gee
“Gay culture can be very toxic. Very cliquey too.” We need to stop disseminating this self-defeating claptrap. There are toxic and cliquey people in every group.
whateverokok
Um, no. No, no. Don’t try and sweep this under the rugs. Gays ARE horribly cliquey and toxic. LIKE NO OTHER. Don’t try and say other groups are toxic and cliquey. The gays HAVE that market cornered. Good day SIR!!!!
barryaksarben
SO the guy who responded to you swears we have the toxic thing cornered? what a damned fool. Has he EVER been in a straight bar of pretty straight people? He needs to get out of the gay ghetto for a damned minute. My brother in law played baseball and we went to so many straight bars in Maimi and LA and they made gay bars look like a welcoming cult in comparison. Hostesses who were so f*cking rude it was laughable but then the minute they were informed he was a major leaguer they were nearly licking our skin. Way to many gay people on here with internalized homophobia who would NEVER think they did yet anything put forward as positive towards gays and their horns come out and they lose their shit. Yes, there are horrible gays singular and in groups and terrible bars and nightclubs but that IS in every single culture except maybe in Bhutan so grow the f**K up and OPEN YOUR EYES
barryaksarben
NONONONONO gay culture is no more toxic than straight society but ONLINE cultures ARE WAY MORE TOXIC. get off your butt and get off your computer. I started a gay basketball team in Seattle in the 80s for the gay olympics with an open call and we had so many great guys of all abilitiesw show up and ALL participate. I have been in gay bowling leagues that were fantastic. If you only go online or go to bars then yeah you might get the wrong idea
CaptainChaos
A friend and I, both former club kids, went to see the Gay & Lesbian Chorus in Seattle in 1991. I told him, “turn around and look at all these people. We’re at the clubs every weekend, and we’ve never seen any of them.” There is FAR MORE to gay culture than bars, bath houses, and online spaces, though those things can certainly be a lot of fun. It was a real eye opener for me that day, and we changed course! The part of gay culture I’ve since also participated in is volunteer work, activist work, artistic endeavors, athletics, and much, much more. I have never felt those spaces were cliquish
TomG
Gosh I did not even know that there was a “gay culture”. Is it anything like the cultures of different races ? If so then are you saying that us gay people are a different race ?
Jerry
The bottom line: You get what you give.
Jerry
Gigi Gee is right.
GayEGO
Gee, my husband and I have lived a normal life together, having parties, dinners, etc. with gay and straight attendees.
DBMC
Online culture is garbage in general; why should gay online culture be any different?
Abraxas020
Here Here
shaunpaul1234
Gays r the MOST CLIQUET TEIBE OUT THERE!! Ive bn out for 40 yrs!! Was thn, IS NOW!!
ONE THING I HAVE ALWAYS GOTTEN A KICK OUT OF
GAYS LIKE TO CL THMSLVS THE MOST INCLUSIVE
FAR FRM IT!!
Not a complaint, just a comment on all this!!
It dosent bother me, if one dosent want me included, im secure enough wth myself, THTS FINE!!
But, i am a REALIST, i cl thm as i c thm!!
The HYPOCRISY AMONG GAYS, IS DEAFENING!!
At leat whn it comes to so called, INCLUSION!!
The real Bruce
It’s a shame Prax07 had an unfortunate experience with “A4A”. After all that show and tell, too! In my 70+ years, out since 19, I’ve seen so many gay cliques and been in a couple. Most of the time, BORING AS HELL! Gay culture, both male and female can be an exciting and rewarding experience if we open up to it. But we seem to be so damn afraid of being “labeled” that we seek comfort (approval) only among those whom we think like us. And we are too quick to bitch about anyone who doesn’t think/behave as we do. Gigi Gee makes a good point. Maybe its a shame that we all can’t be as fortunate as GayEGO as his Husband. Still, I wonder.
Heywood Jablowme
I have mild prosopagnosia (“face blindness”) and I often don’t immediately recognize someone “out of context.” Or I might think, oh that guy looks kind of like so-and-so, and then I’ll be shocked when it actually IS so-and-so. The Starbucks incident here seems minor to me. But I did like the tweet that suggested maybe the complainer was making his online photos look so artificially good, they ended up not even looking like him in real life!
The real Bruce
Maybe silk purses out of sow’s ears?
Todd.Brooklyn
Far too many people hide behind the computer screen and still haven’t connected that there is a correlation between that and real life. (Hence the online trolls)
So basically social media creates the ultimate in social awkwardness.
The real Bruce
And sadly, far too many of them, Todd. A very good point.
BenBenXR
I feel like I’ve said this to friends, family, acquaintances thousands of time. “Meeting” someone online is NOT actually meeting them.
fredk3
i’ve never bothered to own own a smart phone or use a dating app. i must be rip van winkle. sounds like more hassle than it’s worth!
gaym50ish
I’m married, so I’m not on Grindr. But the equivalent in the old days was meeting someone in a cruisy area and then running into them in your workplace. Been there, done that!