A man cosplaying as the world’s angriest tomato turned heads at a Texas school board meeting this week as he delivered one of the most off-the-rails monologues in recent memory.
Grapevine-Colleyville ISD in Texas hosted a meeting to discuss new school policies regarding instruction on identity, and folks came out in droves. An estimated crowd of 200 were in attendance to voice their support and concerns.
In a half-sad half-entertaining turn, this man was also in attendance.
This particular citizen took the floor to deliver a rant featuring his thoughts on the “simple facts” of gender, monkeypox, and way more excited talk about c*mming than expected. Like, WAY more excited.
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Listen to his buck-wild little diatribe here (though be prepared to spare a couple brain cells):
I’m not sure exactly how this guy who supports the anti-trans policy at GCISD thinks this speech is going to make him look.
25/ pic.twitter.com/F9zB5DGPng
— steven monacelli (@stevanzetti) August 23, 2022
Related: Wisconsin school board bans staff from listing their pronouns on emails
Basically, the guy’s lucky “Saturday Night Live” is in its off-season right now.
Lack of televised derision aside, plenty of folks took their chance to drag his weird little speech within an inch of its life:
Say, didn’t I just see him in line to audition as the voice of the new Foghorn Leghorn in the Looney Tunes reboot?? Seriously though, I think people should have to get a license to say words in public forums like that.
— TonyaJ (@TonyaJ) August 23, 2022
You knowwwww he thought he killed it too
— Kevin McHale (@druidDUDE) August 23, 2022
He feels so embarrassed as he walks back to the seat and realizes no one is clapping. 😂😂😂
— Kornbread “Korngenial ” Jeté (@kornbreadTMFS) August 23, 2022
imagine caring about anything as much as this guy cares about public bathrooms
— shannon (@s_oehler) August 23, 2022
He’s like if Florida could talk
— Tara Dublin (@taradublinrocks) August 23, 2022
after sharing his thoughts, Bob returned home to his underage cousin wife, very pleased with himself.
— President Rufus T. Firefly (@Stewey444) August 23, 2022
Sure, I speak angry white guy. He said, “Equality feels like someone is taking something from me. When I’m asked to respect things that I don’t understand, it feels like I’m being disrespected. I’m frightened and fragile. I am showing you how upsetting this is to me with anger.”
— Stable Inconvenience 🧠 (@EarnRespectDon) August 23, 2022
Sounds like he’s a graduate of the Kimberly Guilfoyle School of Elocution.
— Greta (@GretaGrace20) August 23, 2022
All the John Birch Societies and conservative think tanks spend millions and millions of dollars to create this guy.
— Dean Black (@DeanBlacker) August 23, 2022
I had forgotten how political the outtakes from the @parksandrec city council scenes got 😳 😏 https://t.co/hE4xlBI8O1
— Dr. Jason Johnson (@DrJasonJohnson) August 23, 2022
Related: Dallas drag show for kids prompts street protest and conservative meltdown
Somehow, the side of this pillar of intellect won out in Texas, with the GCISD board voting 4-3 to crack down on civil rights in schools. Tough discussions about race, gender, or sexuality have been deemed inappropriate, trans students will have to use the restrooms of the sex they were assigned at birth, and trans and nonbinary students will be mandatorily misgendered in classes.
Mind you, there’s still been no meaningful gun control laws for schools in Texas in the wake of the Uvalde massacre. No meaningful legal response at all, really.
Government officials and school boards are instead caught up debating what facets of human rights they need to ignore in the classroom in between active shooter drills.
Diplomat
Just like church. No one clapped.
whereshouldistart
Lucky for us, his arteries are as clogged as his asshole and brain.
Richpontone
Killing Gay People .
“It makes me a Christian”, he states.
How many people did Jesus kill?
Like nobody.
Christianity died on The Cross.
TheDude
Bob the tomato is angry!!!
wikidBSTN
“Fat, dumb and stupid is no way to go through life.”
CNY1983
the look on his face, his fey hand gestures, and the scream what else do you need to say?
hes got the true texas dumbass down very good,
guezwhoitis
[Inbreeding]… the national pastime of WHITE FRAGILE AMERICANS… They never learn; inferior genetics don’t get better if you keep it in the family!
Paulie P
Are we sure Chris Farley is dead?
LumpyPillows
So unfair to Chris Farley!
Terrycloth
With all the yelling and Texas drawl I couldn’t understand much of what he was worked up over. It needed subtitles..I bet he hit the bar after for his I told them. Beer
lburton
Sadly, these people were tailgating before the meeting.
dario717
I’ll bet that the woman after him wished she’d brought more sanitizer.
Jim
The fascists in Texas are rising.
Be afraid very afraid.
Having said that we had a VERY large gay pride parade last weekend in Austin.
That’s not the news.
The news is the number of smaller towns in Central Texas that had pride parades.
Time is on our side, but we need to be alert and careful
mailliw110
I really miss Chris Farley!
mailliw110
I’m betting he “lives in a van…DOWN BY THE RIVER!”
CNY1983
i thought he jumped off the tallahasse bridge?
LumpyPillows
Unhinged.
ffxv
Hes like a modern day, big, white, uneducated James Baldwin. #voiceofthepeepoe
Just.my.opinion
I am sure his children are so proud of their father. ?
Boybussy
Did anyone catch that ending of Red Trumpaltine’s speech…How they were coming for the woke…and coming hard??? All over they’re faces??? OMG… that’s not going to sit well with his friends..the RepugbliKKKlans!!!
Doug
I was born and brought up in Houston, Texas until I was twelve and have gone back to (very) occasionally visit. Hard to believe it, but people like this are all over the place.
missvamp
that’s a fairly nice suburb of dallas. it’s not super fancy or rich, but it’s a decent area. sadly north texas is super conservative- as you can see by these moronic fck pickles. i’m just glad the reverend read these people for filth. if you watch all the clips on twitter, he was the only voice of reason. how sad. we need to vote out greg abbott. but videos like this give me little hope it will happen. ugh these people!
Huron132
We are a mafia? Well the the boss needs to send him a warning. Maybe a trogan in his bed, so there won’t be any coming in his face?
fredk3
SW & SE moobs … and then he waddled away.
Phillip
With these low-IQ types they think if they yell into the microphone and act crazy it makes what they need to say more important.
The problem is they ramble from one thought to another so fast they barely can make any sense. They hate everything and listen to FOX 24/7 or some right-wing AM radio station spewing nonsense at them. He was so fired up he couldn’t get all of it out at once!
He must be so afraid of having to share the men’s room with a transsexual who may look more masculine than he does which scares the devil out of him. He’s also locked into that mind-set that “men” are going into women’s bathrooms. He’s not intelligent enough to understand the concept of dysphoria that it has nothing to do with “two-sexes” like he was raised to believe. I think he barely made it through high school and the high of his life was playing high school football and bullying the nerds. Life has passed him by and he’s fat, older and way out of shape. Now, he’s stupid and angry and needs to yell at people. Right wing stations are perfect for a person like him.
Burtram Fidelity
Totally representative of the majority of teKKKsans. Laugh at him.
Terrycloth
We are Gay Mafia ? Right.lol we will bust down your door in drag , do your hair while listening to showtunes and redesign your house..haha
gooberpeas0911
It’s amazing how far Bob the Tomato has fallen from his vine.