scream queen

WATCH: This conservative’s unhinged monologue is too hilarious to parody

A man cosplaying as the world’s angriest tomato turned heads at a Texas school board meeting this week as he delivered one of the most off-the-rails monologues in recent memory.

Grapevine-Colleyville ISD in Texas hosted a meeting to discuss new school policies regarding instruction on identity, and folks came out in droves. An estimated crowd of 200 were in attendance to voice their support and concerns.

In a half-sad half-entertaining turn, this man was also in attendance.

This particular citizen took the floor to deliver a rant featuring his thoughts on the “simple facts” of gender, monkeypox, and way more excited talk about c*mming than expected. Like, WAY more excited.

Listen to his buck-wild little diatribe here (though be prepared to spare a couple brain cells):

Related: Wisconsin school board bans staff from listing their pronouns on emails

Basically, the guy’s lucky “Saturday Night Live” is in its off-season right now.

Lack of televised derision aside, plenty of folks took their chance to drag his weird little speech within an inch of its life:

Related: Dallas drag show for kids prompts street protest and conservative meltdown

Somehow, the side of this pillar of intellect won out in Texas, with the GCISD board voting 4-3 to crack down on civil rights in schools. Tough discussions about race, gender, or sexuality have been deemed inappropriate, trans students will have to use the restrooms of the sex they were assigned at birth, and trans and nonbinary students will be mandatorily misgendered in classes.

Mind you, there’s still been no meaningful gun control laws for schools in Texas in the wake of the Uvalde massacre. No meaningful legal response at all, really.

Government officials and school boards are instead caught up debating what facets of human rights they need to ignore in the classroom in between active shooter drills.