The chasm that has divided homo and hetero men seems to be closing fast. Straight dudes are opening up about the subject of anal play, and gay/straight bromances — not to mention cross-sexuality cuddling — are becoming increasingly popular. Still, there’s work to be done.

One can never have too many friends. We’re totally happy to open up our social circles and welcome males of the opposite sexuality into our folds, provided we’re all on the same page.

Here are eight things we’d like our straight brethren to know before we take our relationships to the next level:

8. No, we don’t all want to sleep with you.

Do you want to bed every woman you lay eyes on? Probably not. The same goes for us. Just because you happen to have a penis doesn’t mean we’re the least bit interested in getting naked with you. While there are certainly some gay guys who see it as a challenge to seduce “straight” men, the vast majority of us prefer hooking up with our own kind, especially since straight men don’t always seem to understand the definition of hygiene. After all, why would we want to sleep with someone who doesn’t want to sleep with us?

Paranoia-resized

7. And, no, we’re not checking out your ass.

So stop acting all suspicious. Your insecurity is very unbecoming. Honestly, we were just trying to read the designer label on your jeans.

1350264854_5a5b9749c1

6. OK, maybe we’re checking out your ass.

But, really, who cares? So long as it’s all look and no touch, what’s the big deal? You check out women’s asses all the time. Hell, you may have even checked out a few men’s asses in the past. (For comparison purposes only, of course!) The bottom line: We’re taking a brief moment to admire your donque. Be flattered. Then see #8 again.

Screen shot 2014-10-16 at 3.21.39 PM

5. Please don’t call us “bro.”

You may call us “man.” You can even call us “dude.” But please, for the love of Jesus, refrain from saying “‘Sup, bro” then offering us a fist bump. It’s just awkward.

football

4. Some of us enjoy watching sports.

As someone whose boyfriend is obsessed with football, I’m often dragged to sports bars whenever there’s a big game. Nine times out of 10, the moment we first step in through the door, we’re met with sideways glances from other bar patrons who seem confused as to what the hell a gay couple is doing there. We’re there for the same reason you are: To drink cheap beer and watch the game.

Madonna-vogue-all-in-one-images

3. It’s OK if you like “gay” things.

We see you tapping your foot under the table to that Madonna song we selected on the jukebox. It’s OK if you want to get up and groove to the music. We won’t judge you. We know Madonna’s tunes are totally infectious. We discovered her, after all. And we’re more than happy to share our queen with you.

2. Nobody will think you’re gay if you talk to us.

And if they do, who cares?

cheers_to_beers_1

1. Sure! We’d love to grab a beer some time.

On a strictly platonic basis, of course.

Related stories:

10 Totally Obnoxious Things You Have To Be Gay To Fully Understand

Why Straight Girls Who Hang Out In Gay Bars Can Be A Big Problem

Don’t Be That Gay: The 10 Most Obnoxious Types Of Homosexual Men

 

Graham Gremore is a columnist and contributor for Queerty and Life of the Law. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter.

Don't forget to share:

Help make sure LGBTQ+ stories are being told...

We can't rely on mainstream media to tell our stories. That's why we don't lock Queerty articles behind a paywall. Will you support our mission with a contribution today?

Cancel anytime · Proudly LGBTQ+ owned and operated