Colton Haynes. John Stamos. Taylor Lautner. Buckets of thick arterial blood spurting against the windows, trickling down the stairs, and dripping all over mom’s beautiful new carpet.
Some stories have all the elements.
Yes, the new season of Scream Queens continues to teeter towards honorary softcore porn with its endless proliferation of handsome additions to the cast, most of whom will wind up disemboweled or otherwise eviscerated during the course of the story.
According to Entertainment Weekly, Haynes will be playing a “mysterious role” in the series, which moves the action from college to a hospital of abject terror owned by the superiorly-named Cathy Munsch (played by Jamie Lee Curtis.)
While there’s no saying how Haynes will fit into the show, Stamos and Lautner are confirmed to be playing extremely sexy doctors, both of whom will remain nominally attractive even after they’ve been decapitated and their white lab coats are flecked with viscera and strands of ganglia.
The new season premieres September 20th on Fox. Set those DVRs, fellas.