MODERN LOVE

Cuckolding Is On The Up And Up Among Gay Couples

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Generally speaking, it’s straight people who copy gay people; in this case, it appears to be the other way around.

More and more gay couples are engaging in cuckolding, the act of watching one’s partner have sex with another person, typically someone with larger genitalia. Cuckolding used to be classified as more of a heterosexual activity (in fact, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary still defines it as such), but it appears those rules are being rewritten.

Related: Guy Caught Sleeping With Girlfriend’s Gay Friend: “It Wasn’t Cheating Because It Was With A Guy”

“We might think that no one likes to be cheated on, but the truth is, some do,” Dr. Joe Kort explains in an article about this growing trend among same-sex couples. “And believe it or not, it gets them off!”

He continues, “Gay cuckolding is different than having a three-way. In a three-way everyone is equal, whereas in cuckolding one is intentionally left out and taunted or humiliated for everyone’s arousal in the fantasy.”

Kort argues that while cuckolding has been around for centuries, “cuckolding in the gay male community has not been much acknowledged nor even existed.”

Until now.

An increasing number of Tumblr pages and Reddit threads are being devoted to the phenomenon. And academics are taking note of it, as well. In fact, a study titled “Gay Men’s Cuckolding Fantasies” is currently being conducted by researchers Ball State University. (They’re looking for participants if you want to get involved.)

Related: Poorly-Endowed Man Explains Why He Wishes He Were Even Smaller

“Cuckolding is yet one more type of ‘kinkiness’ that has been lurking in the background of many people’s sexual life,” Kort says. “It has elements of power and control. It is on the continuum of domination and submission which can be very sexually arousing.”

But Kort cautions couples to really think it through before engaging in cuckoldry.

“This can be a very hot fantasy to have and to fulfill but needs to be handled with care if a couple decides to make it a reality,” he says. “Despite cuckolding’s popularity in Internet searches, sometimes things are left better as a fantasy.”

He recommends doing the following: Keep the dialogue open, set boundaries, have a safe word in case things don’t go as planned, and talk about it afterwards.

“I must emphasize here that there is nothing pathological or unusual about such fantasies,” he says. “In reality, everyone has one or more “twisted,” non PC fantasies. Variations of sexual turn-ons seem to be infinite. The Internet has just allowed us to upload them from our brains onto websites and give us more access to them.”

Related: Gay Guys Turn To Whisper To Confess Their Cheating Ways

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18 Comments

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    Or y’know just knock one out to a porn of this type, wipe up, and don’t risk fucking up a good relationship

  • Manchester

    Seems like a low self esteem issue.

  • DCguy

    A quick google search shows that this was an article written by a doctor who SPECIALIZES in out of control sexual behaviors.

    So basically the guy wrote an article about an extremely small group of patients who are coming to him for out of control sexual behaviors and it was posted as if it is the new norm.

    Even the phrasing (Usually one with larger gentiles) seems like the writing an anti-gay group would use in writing about lgbts as lab exhibits.

  • Jack Meoff

    The only cuckolding I’ve ever seen in the gay community is when you get a couple of meth heads who can’t get hard enough to [email protected] so they invite a third person over to play stud while the boyfriend frantically plays with his limp appendage.

  • stanhope

    Who we talking about…elton john, george michael or neal harris?

  • russellhm

    Someone is playing with this definition. Cuckolding, first attributed to the act of adultery in which the husband is oblivious but when he walks in the woods, a cuckoo will mock him. He is the last to know. That’s not the idea I get from a homosexual use of the term.

  • Curtispsf

    @DCguy: You said “Even the phrasing (Usually one with larger gentiles) seems like the writing an anti-gay group would use in writing about lgbts as lab exhibits.”. I’m wondering if it would be the same if there were larger Jews involved.

  • caguy60

    Yeah any guy who lets a guy mistreat him like this needs a new boyfriend (and he probably has serious self-esteem problems and should see a therapist). This whole “cuckolding” thing is just psychological abuse. That “typically someone with larger genitalia” phrase is just odd. Is that all that matters to gay men? Gay marriage won’t work until gay men get past their shallowness. We need to change.

  • dwes09

    The term has been around for centuries but predominantly does not refer to a heterosexual fetish! It refers to a man unaware that his wife is an adulteress, usually when everyone else around him knows.
    This is the sense in which Shakespeare and others of his time used it, and is still its most common meaning.

  • scotshot

    This has been around as long as gay and straights have.

    Someone hears about it and believe they discovered it.

  • BillSam

    Well, the information in this article comes from gay therapist Joe Kort, the same idiot who thinks there are just thousands and thousands of straight (NOT bisexual, but straight) men dying to have sex with each other. He’s so stupid that he doesn’t even know that “cuckolding,” as others here have noted, refers to secret adultery, a husband being cuckolded by a wife and her lover, for instance, and not this supposedly new gay trend he’s yapping about. Kort is a really dumb twerp who is desperate for attention!

    I fear this is yet another Queerty fake issue piece.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    Wow the naïvety here about cuckold porn and the cuck scene. Don’t y’all even watch str8 porn?!? LOL

  • Chris

    Sort of difficult to take an article seriously when the basic terminology is contentious. I learned that cuckold involves adultery where the husband is the lady to know.

  • Tobi

    @Chris: Your explanation with a Freudian slip is no help whatsoever. :P

  • norodeocowboy

    @BillSam: BillSam
    “Well, the information in this article comes from gay therapist Joe Kort, the same idiot who thinks there are just thousands and thousands of straight (NOT bisexual, but straight) men dying to have sex with each other.”

    It’s amazing how deeply conflicted some people are. Not content to have had their own shackles removed, see how eagerly some folks labor to put them on others. Radical concept, Mr. Kort: It’s THEIR sexuality, not yours. Let them speak for themselves.

  • jdboston617

    To each his own. To me, it would be torture and kinda soul crushing. Not a turn on in the slightest, but like I said, to each his own.

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