You may not think what you wear to a Grindr or Scruff hookup matters all that much. After all, it’s not like you’ll be spending much time in your clothes. But, honestly, it does. It’s important to make a good first impression, even if you never plan on seeing the guy again. You don’t want to disappoint your lover by showing up to his apartment looking like a homeless person. Not to mention, wearing the wrong thing to a rendezvous can result in said rendezvous not happening. A man could take one look at your threads, get turned off, and dismiss you back into the night without so much as a “maybe another time.”
Here are eight no-no’s when it comes to what to wear to your next hookup.
We get it. Toe shoes allow you to “feel the ground beneath your feet” and leverage your body’s natural biomechanics and blah, blah, blah. But they also make you look like you stretched a giant mesh glove over your foot. It’s really not cute. And it certainly doesn’t arouse feelings of sexual desire.
We know it’s late and you were probably hanging out on your sofa in your PJs before you decided to come over and join us for a romp in the bedroom, but could you at least change into some proper pants first? Yes, we know you’ll be taking them off soon, but in the mean time, your old, ratty pajama bottoms with the elastic waistband are kinda, well, killing the mood.
Worn out underwear
If your skivvies are faded, hole-y, or stained, don’t wear them to a hookup. We repeat: Do not wear them to a hookup! (Unless, of course, you want your lover to think you’re a slob.) Go to your underwear drawer and fish out a newer pair. If you don’t have any presentable underpants, invest in some. Seriously. There’s nothing less appealing than unzipping a guy’s fly and being confronted with a pair of Calvin Klein boxer briefs circa 1998.
When it comes to jorts, Urban Dictionary says it best: “Jean shorts. Worn mostly by children and douchebags. Jorts are perhaps the easiest way to recognize people you will not like.” They are, hands down, the most unsexy piece of fashion ever to hit department store shelves and should not be worn in general, but especially not to a hookup.
Unless you’re out fishing or hiking or camping, zipoffs are not an appropriate form of trouser. And if you are out fishing or hiking or camping, why are you looking for guys to hookup with on phone apps?
Because it’s not 2006 anymore.
If you’re one of those fellas who wears a shirt, with an undershirt, with a tank top under your undershirt, take note: All that extra fabric really isn’t necessary. Especially when you’re just going to be removing it as soon as you step into our bedroom chamber.
Socks with sandals
The ultimate fashion faux pas. It pains us to have to include this one on our list, since we’d hope that by now nobody would still be committing this cardinal sin, but the fact of the matter is men who think it’s okay to wear socks with sandals still remain in this world. To be clear: It’s not okay. It never was okay. And it never will be okay. Wearing socks with sandals is a surefire way to turn off your potential paramour. And you can bet that, even if he does follow through with the hookup, the first thing he’s going to tell his friends afterwards is: “OMFG. He showed up to my place wearing socks with sandals.”