On Wednesday night, New York Magazine contributing writer Yashar Ali treated Twitter to what is sure to become a modern classic of queer apocrypha involving sleazy American politicians, D-list celebrities, entertainment industry gadflies, and the British Royal Family. At the center of this gossipy epic: Kathy Griffin, the late Joan Rivers, disgraced Republican congressman and closet case Aaron Schock, and, peripherally anyway, Camilla Parker Bowles and the effing Prince of Wales.

According to Ali, Griffin herself called him up recently to spin the following yarn about running into Schock in 2011, pre-scandals, while just hanging out in London with Rivers and her BFFs Charles and Camilla. You know, allegedly.

It’s like, Ryan Murphy couldn’t make this shit up. But hey! Maybe he should include it in Feud’s second season! Matt Bomer would have to play Schock, obviously.

Buckle your pastel seat belts folks:

While it may be obvious to those of us following along at home that this handsome stranger is none other than Illinois representative Aaron Schock, Griffin had no idea. In 2011, as Ali notes, Schock was not yet “gaymous.” A photo of the congressman wearing a eye catching teal belt with white jeans and a fuchsia gingham shirt at a White House picnic had gone viral thanks to Gawker the year before. But this may have been pre-Men’s Health beefcake cover, it was definitely pre-Downton Abbey decorating scheme scandal, etc. So to Griffin, he’s just some handsome, obviously gay politician.

Further weird lies: Schock’s adventures in Saudi Arabia with fully liberated female motorists and a Saudi prince. Griffin isn’t buyin’ this meth dream Sex and the City 2 fantasy bullshit either. She also assumes that Miss Gay Illinois over here is all for repealing DOMA. She is wrong.

Night two at Windsor finds poor Kathy utterly abandoned by her newest gay. So what did we learn from Ms. Griffin’s tale? We’ll let Ali break it all down:

There doesn’t seem to be any word from Griffin’s camp about the story as of Thursday, but Ali promises more to come.

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