On Wednesday night, New York Magazine contributing writer Yashar Ali treated Twitter to what is sure to become a modern classic of queer apocrypha involving sleazy American politicians, D-list celebrities, entertainment industry gadflies, and the British Royal Family. At the center of this gossipy epic: Kathy Griffin, the late Joan Rivers, disgraced Republican congressman and closet case Aaron Schock, and, peripherally anyway, Camilla Parker Bowles and the effing Prince of Wales.
According to Ali, Griffin herself called him up recently to spin the following yarn about running into Schock in 2011, pre-scandals, while just hanging out in London with Rivers and her BFFs Charles and Camilla. You know, allegedly.
It’s like, Ryan Murphy couldn’t make this shit up. But hey! Maybe he should include it in Feud’s second season! Matt Bomer would have to play Schock, obviously.
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THREAD: So last night @kathygriffin called me and told me the craziest story about disgraced Congressman Aaron Schock. Here’s the story: pic.twitter.com/wVEwFss99o
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
1. Ok some of you know that Kathy and Joan Rivers were very very close…true friends not just celebrity friends. pic.twitter.com/3Z9MPSJwdd
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
2. One day in 2011 Joan calls Kathy and asks her if she wants to go to London with her to hang out with Prince Charles and Camilla.
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
3. Yes, Joan Rivers was friends with Prince Charles and Camilla. She went to their wedding. pic.twitter.com/4FhtAmGtjM
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
4. Joan + Kathy go to London, stay in adjoining rooms at the Ritz. Of course Kathy books a couple gigs cause she’s like Oprah: smart about $
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
5. Next day they head to Windsor Castle for two days. They’re all dressed up etc and both of them have been asked to give toasts at dinner!
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
6. They’re at dinner and there’s a dude there who is like a top shelf travel guy and his name is Abercrombie – not his birth name.
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
7. Kathy is placed at dinner next to this gay couple. Both in tuxes. One is clean cut and the other is kind of greasy TBH.
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
8. The clean cut guy is clearly a fan, chatting her up, asks her all about Cher – total gossip session. Fun. pic.twitter.com/AxReJuu5Sn
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
While it may be obvious to those of us following along at home that this handsome stranger is none other than Illinois representative Aaron Schock, Griffin had no idea. In 2011, as Ali notes, Schock was not yet “gaymous.” A photo of the congressman wearing a eye catching teal belt with white jeans and a fuchsia gingham shirt at a White House picnic had gone viral thanks to Gawker the year before. But this may have been pre-Men’s Health beefcake cover, it was definitely pre-Downton Abbey decorating scheme scandal, etc. So to Griffin, he’s just some handsome, obviously gay politician.
12. She asked Aaron how he ended up in Windsor Castle and he says that for $25,000 to the Prince’s charity you get this 2 week package
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
13. Where you get to hang out with him and travel all around. Huh? Kathy is like this doesn’t pass the smell test – $25k for two weeks?
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
14. Even if there were a 2 week package – it wouldn’t be $25k to hang out with the Prince et al — clearly a weird lie.
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
Further weird lies: Schock’s adventures in Saudi Arabia with fully liberated female motorists and a Saudi prince. Griffin isn’t buyin’ this meth dream Sex and the City 2 fantasy bullshit either. She also assumes that Miss Gay Illinois over here is all for repealing DOMA. She is wrong.
21. He gets all curt and is like “uh no I am not”. Remember he’s sitting there with his boyfriend talking about Cher etc. Gimme a break
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
22. Remember the scene: they’re at Windsor Castle….she accuses him of being a bad gay!!!!
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
23. He gets super annoyed w/ her + doesn’t say “I’m not gay”. It’s more like he was offended by idea that anyone there thought he was gay.
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
Night two at Windsor finds poor Kathy utterly abandoned by her newest gay. So what did we learn from Ms. Griffin’s tale? We’ll let Ali break it all down:
27. And then $25k for 2 weeks – also bs, turns out Aaron was there as the guest of the paying guest — we don’t know who that is.
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
28. Cause it wasn’t his boyfriend who paid. Here’s his date to Windsor Castle. Obviously a member of the family if you know what I’m saying pic.twitter.com/zIBpmxblKw
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
29. One of the things Aaron got charged with was accepting an illegal gift ie the Windsor Castle excursion but here’s what we didn’t know…
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
30. Kathy Griffin was in the loop (unwittingly) years before the rest of us and the Feds. Which is peak Kathy Griffin.
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
31. Kathy Griffin, Joan Rivers, Aaron Schock and Prince Charles walk into Windsor Castle…is the start of the gayest joke ever…… pic.twitter.com/52F0TXGJZ1
— Yashar (@yashar) March 30, 2017
There doesn’t seem to be any word from Griffin’s camp about the story as of Thursday, but Ali promises more to come.
DCguy
So she knew he was an anti-gay closeted politician and didn’t out him?
ChrisK
I don’t think he was anti-gay. Just preferred not to be involved or assumed to be.
DMRX
@ChrisK: He was most-assuredly anti-gay. He voted against all things queer-rights-related at every opportunity. Maybe you missed all the articles about it right here on this site.
Juanjo
Read the article – at the time she did not know his name.
frankcar1965
I still can’t get over that teal belt- what was he thinking?!!! Apparently he needs some more light in that closet.
ramonromano
The look is very “tacky midwestern queen moves to the big city”
Sluggo2007
The belt clashed with the shirt big time. You know he’s from the Midwest.
jorgecruz
I am not buying this story. Kathy grew up in Ilinois and the rumor about Aaron Schock was around everywhere in Chicago back in 2009 when he first was elected. She makes a living off of the gays and knowing everything about useless gossip. She attended rallies in DC at the time and has been at more gay festivals than Judy Garland. Sorry this sounds like a gay urban myth.
Invader7
It’s weird and surreal. Aaron Schock must be some other prisoners bitch right about now. Maybe he’s dispensing decorating advice to his fellow prisoners. I can him hear droning on about how he USED to a US Congressman. And the reply is: ” Shut up you has been.” Ouch !!!
DCguy
Not yet. Remember, this is America, he is in politics, so he’ll probably get a slap on the wrist and not go to jail.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
“Obviously a member of the family if you know what I’m saying”
Huh?
Maybe. Maybe not. In other circumstances you’d salivate over the opputunity to call out this kind of assumption as “problematic”
Herman75
Can’t a conservative Repub c0kzucker catch a break?
Actually the whole thing sounds like it’s stolen from one of K.G. tacky monologues which I would love to hear. She kills me.
ss2509
In the BIG picture, does it really matter? I’m not going to waste my time on it…
jorgecruz
Didn’t you just waste your time on it by reading it, logging in and commenting?