“One of the worst things about recovery is that it’s incredibly lonely,” 25-year-old Caleb Byers tells the Des Moines Register. “It feels like nobody will ever understand, because apparently nobody else has been through it. But they have, they just don’t talk about it.”
Five years ago, Byers, who identifies as straight, stopped by a friend’s house for a visit. The friend was an older gay man who he viewed as a father figure. Up until then, 20-year-old Byers and the 60-year-old man enjoyed a plutonic friendship, and he would often turn to him for advice and guidance.
During this particular visit, however, things felt different. As soon as he arrived, the man gave Byers a glass of Bacardi 151 and sat down beside him. They got to chatting. But soon, he started inching his way closer to Byers.
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Feeling uncomfortable, Byers excused himself to the bathroom. When he returned, the man was waiting for him, half-naked. He grabbed a hold of Byers, forcefully ripped off his clothes, and started “kissing me and biting me and rubbing my body,” Byers recalls.
According to a police report, he then proceeded to perform oral sex on Byers against his will, and made him touch his body. Byers described his assailant as being “taller and stronger” and “overpowering” him.
Looking back, he says he felt “frozen and detached” during the attack, and he was afraid to fight back for fear of only making it worse.
“I remember laying there just praying that this wasn’t happening to me,” he remembers. “This can’t be real. This has to be some kind of f*cking nightmare.”
Halfway through the encounter, Byers managed to escape to the bathroom, where he quickly got dressed and fled the house.
“For the second half (of the assault), I was trying to figure out what I could do to get out of there, and an idea hit me and I was like, ‘I have to go to the bathroom,’” Byers recounts. “I grabbed my clothes and just ran. I shouldn’t have been driving.”
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According to a 2017 report by the CDC, nearly one in six men has experienced “contact sexual violence” during his lifetime. Many of the assaults go unreported, experts believe, due to ideas around masculinity and sexual assault.
When Byers reported the assault to police, he says he was bombarded with humiliating questions–“Are you sure you’re not just gay?” “Why didn’t you push him off?” “Why did you let him make you drinks?” “Are you really sure it happened?”
“It was traumatic telling my story to people who I could tell really didn’t believe me or who were skeptical, at best,” he says.
Ultimately, the case was closed for a lack of evidence. And, as a result of the experience, Byers says he suffered from PTSD and depression. He cut himself and frequently had suicidal thoughts, resulting in at least one hospital stay.
Today, Byers says he has worked through many of the issues stemming from his assault. He lives with his long-time girlfriend and is finishing up work on a Master’s degree. He hopes by sharing his story, he can help other men who have survived sexual violence.
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“The biggest thing I can tell people is don’t suffer in misery, don’t self-destruct,” he explains. “I did that for months and it almost killed me.”
He adds, “We all have our past, but it doesn’t have to define us. We can become better and be better and do good things because of it.”
“We can move from victim to survivor. I did.”
Watch Byers share his story in the video below…
h/t: Des Moines Register
walterhpdx
note: “platonic”, not “plutonic”.
Brody
Maybe the old guy was from Pluto?
DistingueTraces
This is the second time I’ve seen this exact boneheaded error or Queerty.
It’s particularly irritating given that the idea of Platonic love has played a rich part in queer history — the word derives not simply from the idea of a non-sexual relationship but from a romantic and exclusive mentoring relationship between an older male “lover” and younger male “beloved” that Plato described as the highest form of love.
Navalator
After viewing this bull shit story I have concluded that Queerty is actually run by homophobic ignoramus fraternity boys to denigrate gays.
ProfessorMoriarty
Navalator, get help. That’s a super sh!tty attitude.
Xzamilloh
See, this is when the love of straight men goes way too far. That, and the older man was a sexual predator that needs to be chemically castrated because that’s someone that is aggressive and can hurt someone incapable of fleeing or is a younger teen. Heck no.
Danny595
Queerty has got to be one of the most anti-gay sites on the internet. After copying and pasting a story about a gay-on-straight rape, it then cites a general statistic on male/male sexual violence, implying that such violence is gay-on-straight. In fact, the vast majority of male/male sexual violence cases are straight-on-straight, and often are motivated by a desire to wound or dominate the victim, not sexual gratification. Often, it does not involve any genital contact, but instead penetration with objects. Graham Gremore is really the bottom of the barrel when it comes to writers and human beings.
felixelcat
I have the same feeling about this site. Some unresolved internalized homophobia that also needs to promote figures like Davey Wavey that set us 30 years back.
vegwell
Your comment is significantly undermined by the fact that citing statistics on the sexual assault of men and boys does not imply, in any way, that the majority of the assaults are gay/straight. In fact, the statistic cited does not even specify male/male. The entire point of the story is that when men are raped or molested they often do not report it, or when they do, their account is dismissed or belittled and the victims are unlikely to talk about it. It does not matter if the perp AND the victim are gay or straight, or the perp is straight and the victim is gay, or vice versa, or even if the perp is female.
Billy Budd
What is the purpose of this? Make us feel bad, like there is something wrong with us?
QJ201
Agreed.
Clickbait Sensationalist garbage.
Where are the stories about gay men being sexually assaulted by straight men?
I guess that happens so often to post about it would be a real downer, huh?
Me2
What happened to this young man is absolutely horrible! It’s even worse that the predator couldn’t be prosecuted and that the authorities blamed the victim. Sexual assault is an issue that many men, both gay and straight, grapple with. There needs to be more awareness and easily accessible resources to help survivors.
Lvng1Tor
Sensationalist headline and lack of balance to the article aside, thank you for being the one who actually responded in the right way. The point is this young man is a survivor of abuse and should be applauded for helping to bring light to the problem.
For the people above that think this makes gay men look bad, it doesn’t it just shows that predators come in all sexualities. No more no less.
And the stupid Davey Wavey has set gay rights back BS…prove it..oh, ya can’t cause it aint true. Oh no, straight people won’t like us if we aren’t good lil F@gs who hide who we are and deny any sexuality in public. That is crap. If someone judges an entire group of people by the actions of a few then they are looking for a reason to not like us. Otherwise, they would be saying “damn, Charles Manson sure makes straight people look bad” But they don’t because straight people are allowed to have differences that aren’t automatically linked to their sexuality or each other.
pudman56
There was no trial for lack of evidence. The older man, in the eyes of the law, is not a sexual predator. IF, and IMO that’s a big if, this story is accurate, the “victim” was no kid and the suddenness of the “attack” as described is just a little sketchy and I find it hard to believe, from this story, that whatever happened actually happened as stated. Perhaps the young man was curious and then in an instant discovered he wasn’t curious any longer and freaked. Perhaps it really did happen as said. Perhaps not. No trial, no judgment, end of story.
Qweerty offers little else than pics of men with attractive chests.
Kangol
Keep up the homophobic news, Queerty! Meanwhile, does anyone think Queerty is about to run an article on the real problem of male-on-male rape, in prison, mostly by “straight” men against other “straight” men, and people who are advocating for the US prison system to take it more seriously and stamp it out?
Ummmm Yeah
Just because something that happened makes all of you feel uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be talked about.
Prax07
I don’t buy it. If it happened, I don’t see how a fit 20yo couldn’t overpower or at least get away from, a 60yo. Unless the 60yo was in exceptional physical condition and physically outmatched him I call bullshit.
And he was getting head from the guy, with no mention of the 60yo having any sort of weapon, and he couldn’t get away? None of his story rings true to me, more like he probably gave in to some sexual pressure, then felt disgusted afterwards and cries assault.
Heywood Jablowme
At least it’s an improvement from what might have happened 30 or so years ago: the young guy KILLS the old guy and then claims “homosexual panic,” then the courts let him go.
The modern way is, he talks about it incessantly for the rest of his life in those basement-dwelling, ridiculous 12-step groups. That’s the 12-step definition of “not being a victim.” (Sounds more like WALLOWING in being a victim, forever! – but whatever.) Anyway it’s an improvement.
ProfessorMoriarty
The attack happened five years ago when he was 20 years old (he’s now 25). No one here including you, Prax07, know what this young man’s physical condition was five years ago. For all we know, one of his coping mechanisms after the assault was to get himself in his current physically-fit shape.
DCguy
Wow, so there apparently weren’t ANY examples of an lgbt person who had been assaulted, this being an lgbt site and all.
Oh, but wait, if that had been the story, then the headline couldn’t have contained the words “Straight Man” in it.
Rex Huskey
DCgurl… you are one angry homosexual…that’s for sure!
DCguy
Oh Look, Mo Bro’s screename got banned so he’s now using this one to continue his obsession.
teeohpee
My thoughts exactly! When I was 25 I was alone on a beach and a straight man tried to rape me. He was drunk but he was also bigger and stronger than I was. It was late spring and since it was a cold windy day, the beach was deserted. I tried going into the freezing water to get away but the guy came in after me. After leaving the ocean I tried a different tactic. Realizing the guy was drunk, I told him to come to my towel to smoke a joint with me. I got him so high he couldn’t run after me and I was able to get away.
pudman56
When I was 14 an older man made advances towards me. I knew exactly what was going on and what I acquiesced to. In other words, I said yes. You’d be very hard pressed to find a person who doesn’t believe in man on woman or man on man rape. This story is just a little to sketchy for me to ‘swallow.’
Me2
What’s sketchy about it? The fact that it didn’t unfold in they way that rape stories do when they’re portrayed on tv and in novels? The personal experience that you described was not forcible rape, despite being considered rape, per age of consent laws. There’s a big difference between someone making sexual advances and someone forcibly touching and assaulting you. Sexual advances allow for a choice to be made; rape doesn’t.
He BGB
Rape is not sex. It is violence. So it doesn’t matter who was straight or who was gay.
simulations
Thanks, He BGB. I have a family member who is going through something similar, but now with added death threats from the perpetrator. Yes, Queerty is clickbaity but this kinda shit does happen, and it’s pretty scummy to read detractors who don’t believe it. The poor guy is going through hell at the moment. Good to know the kinda bullshit he’ll have to deal with if he were to speak up about it dare he make too people feel squeamish.
bobnla
I don’t believe the story. Is the ‘victim’ now writing a book, going on the talk shows, or doing motivational speaking? We’ve been fleeced.
cttimberwolf56
Listen the bottom line is it does not matter if the person is gay or straight rape is rape and there was a traumatic event this guyz is going thru trauma the mental and physical effect may have made him frozen to stop what happen but the point that the predator got away with is sad and the negative commits is even sadder sorry I am gay when i was younger like 5-7 i was abuse and i was traumatised by what happen to me . So any victim should not be belittled by the event unless you been thru it you could no way understand what it is like to go thru a violent event like this
gababy2
The headline made me lost the sympathy for this guy, sorry Queerty you failed.
ErikO
That older guy sounds like a sexual predator.