“I am a sexually active homosexual male, and I have never had an orgasm, although I have ejaculated many times,” a man by the name of “MissingOutOnTheBigO” writes to the sex advice columnist, or “Sexpert,” at The Daily Princtonian, Princeton University’s official student newspaper and one of the oldest college dailies in the nation.
“My boyfriend has an orgasm almost every time we have sex, but I never do,” MissingOutOnTheBigO continues. “He thinks it might be because I am stressed from taking six classes this semester and have trouble winding down. Is there something wrong with me?”
Borrowing a page from the McKinley Health Center, the Sexpert breaks it down for the sexually-frustrated undergrad:
“The sexual response cycle has four phases: excitement and arousal, plateau, ejaculation and orgasm and resolution,” the Sexpert writes. “There is a common misconception that orgasm and ejaculation always occur in conjunction during sexual intercourse, but that’s not the case. Many men cannot ejaculate but still orgasm, and some men orgasm several seconds before they begin to ejaculate. Orgasm is a cerebral or brain response to physical pleasure; ejaculation is the body’s physical response.”
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The Sexpert goes on to list all the reasons why MissingOutOnTheBigO could be, well, missing out on the big O.
“Conditions like diabetes, heart disease, neurological disorders and hormonal imbalances can all have adverse side effects on your experience of sexual intercourse,” the Sexpert explains. “Alcohol or drug use can also impact your ability to experience sexual pleasure. Work-related stress, anxiety about performance (in and out of the bedroom), depression and feelings of guilt can also negatively impact your sexual experience.”
(Sounds like someone was paying extra close attention in their Human Sexuality course. A+ Sexpert!)
So what can be done about this?
“Try ‘mindful sex,'” the Sexpert suggests. “Don’t focus on the result, but instead on the sensations, feelings and intensity in the moment.”
If that doesn’t work, the Sexpert says, “seek consultation from a medical professional.”
“If your inability to reach orgasm is related to a serious medical condition,” the Sexpert continues, “you probably want to take care of that with professional help as soon as possible.”
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onthemark
The “Sexpert” says: “Many men cannot ejaculate but still orgasm, and some men orgasm several seconds before they begin to ejaculate.” But doesn’t even mention an option #3 of ejaculating without orgasm.
And blaming “stress” from the 6 classes this semester is particularly bizarre. Did he ever orgasm as a teenager back when he was merely masturbating?
The most likely explanation seems to be that he’s expecting the experience to be more fantastic than it is. I’m guessing his bf is LOUD, so this kid thinks he’s missing out on something when he’s not?
MacAdvisor
Try sex with some MDA. If you don’t organism then, you never will.
Stache99
That would suck. Orgasm is the best part. Plus, you don’t feel horny anymore so you can get on with your day.
polarisfashion
@onthemark: Some orgasms are better than others. I do agree with you though, he probably does have them but they aren’t the fantastic ones he sees his bf having. Maybe he and his bf should try something different.
Scribe38
@onthemark: I was thinking alone the same line. Maybe he is so use to j/o that actually sex doesn’t have the same sensation and he isn’t reaching the “O”. TMI- I use to have to fake it, because I could not cum without my hand being involved. Had to stop touching myself for a while for things to reset.
vive
He should just have some good weed and he’ll be all set.
jwtraveler
I’m taking a medication which has the odd effect of making me ejaculate before I have an orgasm. I have to keep pumping, splattering cum everywhere until I reach orgasm. It’s very frustrating when I don’t make it. All the mess without the pleasure.
ethan_hines
Explain to me why if this happens to a female we don’t freak out but if a male doesn’t orgasm we can’t fathom it?! As it happens I might suffer from the same think. I ejaculate but after words I’m like “Was that it?” why is it that all these other guys look like they are about to explode “literally” before orgasming and for me it’s like a whimper, a sneeze, a yawn. Why do we know a crap load more about women’s orgasms than men? Why do some men have short refraction periods (meaning they can go again in seconds vs mins/hours) what determines ejaculation volume and the be all and end all of all questions what specifically determines penis size? Is it Testosterone? or is it Growth Hormone? Or a combination of both?
Captain Obvious
I didn’t know this was possible. I’ve had a few unsatisfying orgasms from early release, but never a situation with NO orgasm. That sounds more like a neurological problem than anything else.
I mean an orgasm is nothing more than a neurological response releasing pleasure endorphins right? Sounds like he’s just not getting the endorphin release… which kinda isn’t that big a deal to be honest. Not like you can’t live life with an orgasm.
Most women claim to have never had one. Join their club.
Stache99
@Captain Obvious: Biologically speaking women having an orgasm is irrelevant. If most me stopped having one our species would die out.
vive
Orgasm feels good, sure, but the sex that precedes it feels as good or better to me. I try to postpone orgasm as long as I can and am often disappointed when I ejaculate because that means sex is over.
I could never understand why a lot of guys are so orgasm-fixated. Don’t they want to prolong the sex? Does being circumcised make them enjoy the sex less?
bottom72
Ohhh Sweetheart I’ll give you an orgasm. It is a bottoms duty to bring a top to orgasm.
ethan_hines
@bottom72: What makes you think he’s a top?
tricky ricky
I’m 57 as of last month. I have had exactly ONE true orgasm in my life. pleasurable ejaculation yes, but only the one true orgasm. it was so intense I had an asthma attack. I think I was 38 at the time. for a very long time I couldn’t ejaculate when with another person. vive is right, good weed does help. I wonder about the life story of the writer. mine was pretty screwed up with a childhood full of emotional and physical abuse coupled with the fact I’m a high functioning autistic and I have the autistics aversion to touch. it took me years and finding the right partner to hit the point where I could actually ejaculate so I kind of settled for that and have been happily ever after since.
ethan_hines
I would like to remind all men that Ejaculation ? Orgasm. Orgasm precedes Ejaculation by a few seconds
ethan_hines
That ? was suposto be the “does not equal” sign.
Clark35
@MacAdvisor: Nobody takes MDA anymore, as this isn’t the 70s or 80s and most of what’s sold as MDA or even MDMA (ecstasy), are not actually those drugs.
vive
@tricky ricky: “I have had exactly ONE true orgasm in my life. pleasurable ejaculation yes, but only the one true orgasm.”
Pleasurable ejaculation is orgasm, or am I missing something? Nobody feels the earth move every time, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still orgasm.
tricky ricky
@vive: I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be a bit more.
James R Carter
Sidney Davies
I’ve been with a man for five years, and I’ve never had one either. So
redcarpet30
@vive: The few times I’ve tried that the last thing I wanted was sex. I couldn’t even move.
Steven Burr
Bullshit
Johnny Graves
See a doctor
Allie Pocket
gurl lemme help you with that
Ken VanArsdale
I will give him one.
Jim McHardy
He will when he is ready good advice by the sex group
Kevin J Desmond
He’s a damn liar
Daniel Alvarado
isnt it orgasm if you ejaculate
Adrian Zavala
I have a friend who claims the same. Maybe it’s true. Heck, I’ve faked it before.
David G. Abler
Erection, orgasm, ejaculation are 3 different things