A recent study from the University of Vanderbilt found that bisexuals drink and smoke more than their gay, lesbian and straight counterparts. Now, a sex therapist may have the reason why.
“I ran a gay men’s group for 21 years,” Joe Kort, a Psychotherapist, Certified Sex and Relationship Therapist at Joe Kort & Associates, PC, writes in a blog post published by The Huffington Post. “Some five years ago, I brought in a man who identified as bisexual. The result was appalling.”
Related: Why Are Bisexuals So Self-Destructive? This Study May Have The Answer.
Kort explains that the group was very hostile towards the man.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“It became apparent that the group was not ready to accept this man’s sexual identity,” he writes. “What was not apparent to most was how they were doing to him the same thing that the majority of heterosexuals do to gays and lesbians–shunning, and making him an outcast.”
Kort believes the reason for this is because bisexuals often make gays and lesbians feel less secure about their places in society.
“As minorities we become a united political force fighting against discrimination,” he explains. “We feel pride and power.”
But when someone who doesn’t identify as gay or straight comes along, Kort says, “the house of identity we’ve built suddenly is rocked by winds of change, and seems less solid, more vulnerable than we imagined.”
“We feel fear,” he writes “and cling to our foundation, arguing that there must only be a binary identity–either or–and unconsciously protect our hard-won identity by rejecting [the bisexual].”
Related: Would All The Bisexual Men Please Stand Up?
Kort continues: “Some call the person ‘traitor.’ Gone are the invitations to bars, parties, and tea dances. Lesbians and gays become angry toward the person, and say he or she is guilty of keeping a foot in the door of heterosexual privilege, betraying the cause.”
This analysis echoes that of Dr. Gilbert Gonzales, who led the study at the University of Vanderbilt.
“Findings from our study indicate that LGB adults experience significant health disparities–particularly in mental health and substance use–likely due to the minority stress that LGB adults experience,” he said in a statement last month. “Combined with the relative scarcity of bisexual communities and organizations, this ostracizing may lead to social isolation, a risk factor for psychological distress.”
Related: Bisexual Man Seeks Help After Wife Forces Him Back Into The Closet, Denying Him The D
In other words: The ostracization bisexuals feel from gays and lesbians puts them at a higher risk for self-destruction.
Ryan Carey-Mahoney had a similar take in a piece he wrote for the Washington Post last month.
“Bisexual people are often stereotyped as promiscuous,” he said. “If you’re a bi man, for example, many in the gay and straight communities will say you’re actually gay. And if you’re a bi woman, it’s assumed that you’re experimenting with your sexuality and will eventually end up with a man.”
So what can be done about this? According to Kort, the answer is simple: Acceptance.
“Isn’t it time to lose our bi-naiveté and our gay privilege, and to say to those who identify as bisexual, ‘You’re one of us, we accept you for what you say you are?'” he asks. “Isn’t it time to make room for the people who don’t necessarily have a fixed sexual orientation, and accept sexual fluidity as reality?”
Related: “Straight” Guys Are Having More Bisexual Sex Than Ever Before, Study Finds
Tobi
“Is It Time To Start Being Nicer To Bisexuals?” No.
Josh447
It’s unfortunate some low iq insecure bigots drank the Kool aid regarding bisexuals. We can call them the Mike Pences of the Gay community. The term “wake up” just flies right by them.
Hell yeah bis deserve inclusion. They, like gays, should never have been ostracized. But then most nose in the air, know it all nit wits get their sex education off bathroom walls and draconian bad brains rather than relating wisely to pure science.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
No it’s time for them to stop whining about the gay community not pandering to them on the rare occasion they want to be part of it. Of course that’s only when it benefits them. Never when it’s time to fight for rights or pay the lawyers.
Josh447
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou,
Aren’t you whining right now that bi’s don’t fit your pictures and do what they “should” according to your opinion, which is derogatory? Maybe gays shouldn’t whine and sulk so much when straight people belittle them. You’re doing the same thing. Monkey see monkey do. As the saying goes “get over yourself”, accept reality quit whining and have a good life. If I were a bi guy had to deal with your shittie attitude all the time, I wouldn’t go to gay events either.
ErikO
No surprise here, gay men are being biphobic and writing BS.
@Josh447: Yes and one of them posted directly below you posting nonsense about lawyers, etc.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
@Josh447: I’m not whining I’m stating facts. Show me where bisexuals were a presence in any march, riot or pride ever. Show me where they put them selves on the line as plaintiffs in any of the lawsuits that won rights. Show me where the cut a check for any of it. Show me where they paid for gay rights with their blood.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
@ErikO: And it’s no surprise an outsider mistakenly thinks they are going to tell gay men what to do. That’s a common misconception these days. If you don’t like gay men then stay out of our gay bars, out gay organizations, our gay prides and out of our way instead of leg humping. We just aren’t that into you.
ErikO
@IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou: A bisexual woman and man started gay/LGBT pride parades. Bisexual people have been present fighting for gay/LGBT rights from the start. You’re not stating facts, you’re just showing how you’re a bigot. Even most gay men, especially younger gay men are not into gay sepratism like you are and are not that into going to LGBT/gay bars, etc.
Masc Pride
You can start with more accurate stock images for stories like this. That photo is clearly depicting some type of “DL” behavior. The guys are literally holding hands behind the girl’s back. Even if the girl was comfortable with the two guys being affectionate, that is a better depiction of polyamory than bisexuality.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
@ErikO: Oh and stay off our gay dating apps talking about don’t tell my wife. I forgot those.
ErikO
@IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou: LOL, the majority of gay men are closeted and married to women who they cheat on, and if they’re out and married to a man or even in an open relationship they cheat on their “husband”. Bisexual men, not so much.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
@ErikO: LOL. You are living in 1950 if you think most gay men are closeted and married to women. That’s 100% bisexual MO these days.
Dave Downunder
OMG so much BS dressed up as “facts” being bandied around on this thread. It’s really quite laughable to read.
Josh447
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
You’re just bitter. Bis aren’t out raising bi flags but they are ever present and accounted for regarding gay rights. I can’t count the incredible number of guys that got straight married and then went gay got divorced and support the gay community in the media. They are technically bi.
Is your animus coming from the fact you don’t like bis sexual behavior, or strictly hate based on “not showing up” like you think they should? Even though they do.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
@Josh447: No that’ self loathing on a bi level. It’s not bi.
ErikO
@IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou: No it’s not living in the 1950s, it’s like this in most countries outside of the Western world, and even in the Western world a lot of gay men stay closeted and marry women.
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
@ErikO Yeah yeah. Just keep on lying to yourself. Everyone’s bisexual and everyone has to bow down to you because bisexuals and everyone else but gays built all things gay.
ErikO
@IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou: I never said or claimed that everyone is bisexual since that’s not true. So you’re a bigoted hypocrite that’s a silly gay separatist and into revisionist history, I’m not surprised. All the stuff you’re posting is laughable as DownUnderDave said.
DCguy
Perhaps a good start would be for blog sites to actually USE the word Bisexual and not B.S. words like “Hetero-flexible”
Josh447
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
BS, any authentic gay guy does not like pussy and is basically repulsed by the thought of sex with a woman. They don’t marry women much less have sex with them.
So what’s going to make this a better world to live in, besides answering all the questions I asked you, which you didn’t and makes you incompetent. But we’ll go with that regardless.
If you want to make this a better world to live in, assuming you do, would you: continue to berate bisexuals for not fitting into your pictures and dress them as outcasts, or, say ‘hey, let’s do lunch and get to know each other better, there may be some things here I’m missing about you’. Your choice.
ErikO
@Josh447: You’re replying to a bigoted troll, it’s pointless. He/She is just going to continue to be a hypocrite and hate bisexual people.
gayhope1990
Why not?I hate just homophobic jerks.
ErikO
@gayhope1990: LMAO as usual the other biphobic troll on this site chimes in. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re a sock puppet for the other troll posting on this thread.
Josh447
ErikO
Trolls and plants are all the same, easily busted and ditched. Then they have to go back to the manufacturer, TrollsRus, for rehab. What a life!
gayhope1990
Hey I’m not a troll like you.By the way I’m actually bisexuals but I won’t to be that so I choose to be gay and hate bisexuals.
Josh447
Hey let’s all be Trolls, it means you screw under bridges, alot. I’m game.
ErikO
@gayhope1990: LMAO yes it’s obvious you are a self loathing troll that’s lying and FOS about his sexuality, and who does not know anything about human sexuality.
gayhope1990
My uncle always thought me that my sexuality is false.I won’t disappoint him.I always feel gay since my 11 but I don’t know why but I start to feel something for a girl.I don’t see her again and my uncle will hate me if I confess I’m not just gay like him.My mother dumps me when I was 12 my father is homophobic,my uncle is my only support.I’m lost…=[[
meghanada
However you measure it – FBI reports on hate crimes or Pew Center’s LGBT survey – it seems bisexuals are less discriminated against than gays; way less. Being more closeted and in straight relationships over half the time (there’s data showing that as well), it seems they manage to avoid the hassle of being truly out and gay. Bisexuals’ psychological issues are therefore mostly NOT to blame on discrimination, let alone on discrimination by gay people.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ck8gE-dUkAAQXR3.jpg
Hussain-TheCanadian
To be totally honest, the biggest fear I have from dating a Bisexual man is: What if a time comes and he wants children, and I can’t provide him with that.
He can easily go look for a woman; even if he loves me, I can still see it, going for a woman to produce children.
I’m the jealous type, and i’m not big on sharing, and I don’t want to be in a situation where love forces me to accommodate a third wheel because of children.
Brian
I don’t like the word “bisexual” as it is imprecise and inaccurate. It has also been damaged by porn – as a result of porn, people think male bisexuality is all about threesomes.
ErikO
@gayhope1990: Don’t listen to your uncle or people like him, they’re hypocrites. If you’re bisexual then identify and come out as bisexual. Can you find other bisexual or LGBT support groups where you live? They can be helpful. Good luck.
david43a
what its time for is to be nice to everybody who is not actively
fucking with you or trying to hurt you and yours.
Pistolo
Are they really that disenfranchised? People were able to come out as bisexual publicly long before people could ever profess to be unapologetically gay. People still do and don’t see their careers suffer like Angelina Jolie or Amber Heard or fricken Bowie or Billie Joe Armstrong or Cynthia Nixon- the list goes on and on and many of the people are more powerful than gays.
Also, any time anyone comes out as bisexual, they seem to want to imply they’re more open-minded than everyone else. It’s never just about those individuals, it’s always about them in relation to others- it’s about superiority. Maybe bi people need to be less defensive and insecure.
Brian
I don’t think that a man should identify as “bisexual” . Once you do, it makes you a homophobic target for feminists and women in general.
Women see male bisexuality as a threat to their ability to control men, and will often shun such men. This is why men in America rarely identify publicly as bisexual – they would rather identify as straight despite also having sexual capabilities with other men. They do it to avoid offending women, particularly those women with whom they are having relationships.
In societies where feminism is less powerful, men often talk about having sex with other men. Free of the controlling and inhibiting force of women, what we call “straight-identifying men” are far more upfront about “having it off” with other men.
The ugly truth about liberalism in America is that it empowers feminism to a position of privilege, resulting in the oppression of all things male, including male bisexuality.
Dellen95
@ErikO: @ErikO: Uh if a majority of gay men stayed closeted in the 1950s/today, Bisexuals would essentially be closeted. You talk as if all the 100% gays were hiding in straight marriages while bisexuals were the only ones who marched for rights. lol If gay men are closeted, bisexuals would essentially be closted, being attracted to woman to some degree would help bi guys do that. Its more easy for many bisexuals to stay closeted than 100% gay people, this is comming from a bi guy.
Billy Budd
Bisexuality is beautiful. Bisexuality is the future. Bisexuality should be encouraged, fostered, celebrated.
BennyP
Ain’t Never gonna Happen, Women don’t their men sucking dick and taking it up the Bum . That’s just Nasty. They to stick to the chicks and leave the men to the gay guys
ErikO
@Billy Budd: Well said.
GayEGO
Being that we Gays have gone through so much to identify ourselves and move on with the rest of civilization it is difficult for me to understand why all of us do not accept other gender identities, some more difficult to figure out than ours. Whether or not a person is an LGBTQI etc. should not change our love and inclusiveness for human beings. The straights have had it the easiest as they generally conform to what religion has taught them.
ErikO
@Brian: Where do you come up with this BS about bisexual men and women, and feminism, hetero women, etc.?
crumb bum
@ErikO: Misogyny.
etseq
The reason for the health disparities is easy – most bisexuals are closeted and when you control for that, they are virtually the same for gay and bi men. This fact is buried in most studies because they want headlines and pushing the meme that gay male dating insecurities somehow lead to discrimination against bisexual men equivalent or even worse than anti-gay discrimination generates lots of resistance and ridiculous comment trolling like we see hear.
And citing Jo “you can stay closeted, keep your heterosexual identity and privilege and have all the gay sex want on the down low” Kort, who if you scratch beneath the surface is one of those masculinity-obsessed mythopoetic MRA kooks, ruins any credibiliy. This is the same quack who pushed the sex addiction nonsense for years and still buys into the fruedian child abuse causes homosexual behavior in “straight men” but also rejects the same dynamic for gay/bi men because he was wedded to this sex abuse causes everything theory that the sex addiction quacks push…
surreal33
Low self esteem is rampant in the gay community therefore, if don’t have a foundation of self love it is easy to mistreat others. Disrespect, coldness, recklessness, comes from within and the way gay men treat each other online, in person, is a reflection of what is going inside yourself. As a gay man if you feel (due to cultural condition) you are not worth love, respect and happiness it resonates how you treat other gay and bi men.
kent25
Hell No! No one want those nasty two times , Let them stay in the closet. Bisexuals are the Scourge of Human sexuality
BennyP
What is this connection people think gay and bi man are supposed to have? I don’t want to have sex with some guy and his wife or girlfriend, Been there done that and never want to do it again.
They try to own you, Big Mistake !! they want you to have sex with both of them My advice use toys not people
kent25
I’m sorry but No! Just get back in the closet and shut the door behind you.
You are those guys who perpetuate that lie that gay men can be straight if they want to. all flamboyant and wearing makeup and girlie clothes then you knock some little homely chick up and lie and call yourself gay, Gay men have plenty of female friends but we don’t have sex with them . Just go to the straight side life is hard enough without you making it worst
kent25
What I do find strange is Bisexuals always whining and Bitchen about the gay and lesbian community and never say a damn thing about the straight community, Like there are not a part of that when they spend most of there lives living as straight people.
BennyP
Did you know the Pulse night club killer Omar Mateem was Bisexual, Went to that club and killed all those innocent gay people in there safe space because he hated that same sex attraction side of himself. It’s hard to trust people who wish you ill will. It has gotten to the point you have to ask a person’s sexual orientation before you make the mistake of getting to friendly with someone who might try to take you life