Gawker-Busting Gay Billionaire Peter Thiel To Speak At RNC

As always, the speaker lineup at the Republican National Convention this year reads like a who’s-who of supervillains, and includes a number of truly despicable figures.

That includes, unpleasantly enough, Peter Thiel, the PayPal billionaire intent on suing Gawker into the ground for having the nerve to criticize him and point out that he’s gay. How is it possible that queer people are willing to support the Republican party, especially after the loathsome party platform came out just a few days ago full of anti-gay rhetoric?

Well, the party’s animus probably isn’t a big deal if you’re filthy rich. Billionaires don’t have to worry about their rights like the rest of us, since they can just buy them. Must be nice!

Thiel will be speaking on the fourth night of the convention, along with Tim Tebow, a self-described heterosexual football player who also appeared in an ad for Focus on the Family. Also on the roster for that night is Mary Fallin, who was furious about the Supreme Court ruling that legalized marriage equality; and Rick Scott, who refused to acknowledge that the Pulse shooting targeted LGBT people. Should be a fun time backstage.

Also speaking at the convention will be noted cakefreak, Senator Tom Cotton.

And while the speakers are all very exciting, the true stakes of the convention are selecting the nominee. It’s all but guaranteed to be Trump, but there’s still the tiniest possibility that delegates will try to force someone else through. We’re just days away from the start of the convention and delegates are still debating the rules they’ll be following — including a measure that would allow them to change their vote from the person voters sent them there to support.

We’ll be glad to be watching from far, far away. If you’re planning on attending, you might want to bring a bullet-proof vest: guns are permitted in the area around the arena, though not inside, and numerous paramilitary groups say they plan to be bring weapons.