For as long as we live in a heteronormative world, gays will feel anxious about coming out of the closet. And for as long as gays feel anxious about coming out, many will feel they didn’t “live out their youth properly,” as Reddit users recently discussed on the r/askgaybros subreddit.
“I regret not coming out sooner because I feel like I lived a fake life up to this point,” one wrote.
“Yes, almost daily, I have a sense of ‘Man, I wish I could redo my high school years being out’ but also at the same time as ‘F*ck high school, I’m never going back to those assh*les,’” another wrote.
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A third chimed in: “You’re definitely not alone. Went to high school and college being extremely confused about my sexuality and had nobody to turn to or talk about. The only saving grace is that I moved to a boarding school since I was 12 and had the freedom to come to terms with my own sexuality, amidst all that pubescent angst, without my parents around.”
“I just wished there are support groups that are available to youths today as they were to me,” he continued. “I came out in university, had really supportive friends, but never really felt comfortable in my own shoes until much later (cue ‘recently’).”
Another Reddit user lamented being on the outside looking in: “Pretty much all gay people grew up watching their straight friends experience regular things that they weren’t able to (e.g. crushes, relationships, hookups at parties, talking to friends about who they like, dreaming about getting married one day, thinking about having kids, etc.).”
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Other commenters turned philosophical, like this guy: “I grew up in small-town Midwest, seemingly the only gay boy in a hundred miles, pre-internet, closing THAT closet door so tight that it didn’t open until I was in my early 50s. So yeah, at times I feel as if I missed out on things BUT if I would have been doing those things, I would have missed out on the things that I did. So truly, it is a catch-22. We are today the result of our upbringing and life experiences. One has to quit moaning and groaning about what was missed yesterday and starting planning and hoping for tomorrow!”
One of the most upvoted responses comes from this fella, who says that he’s 52 and nearing his 19-year anniversary with his partner: “The only thing we have control of is now, the present and where we go from there. Stop focusing on what could have been and start living your best life here on out. Whether you came out at 10, 20, 30, 50 or later, you can still be your best gay self.”
Aires the Ram
I think most homosexual men, especially in past decades, had what I call a “delayed adolescence”, as was described in the article, so I think we experienced all the dating in our 20’s rather than our teens like straight people normally do. But, I am a product of my experiences growing up, both good and bad, which have made me the man I am today. I have a pretty damn good life that I’m proud of, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. All we have is today. Live it like it’s your last day, for some day, it will be.
GageRoberts1268
I think most homosexual men, especially in pas….- Absolutely agree with you But i am here not only to discuss this article but I AM LOOKING for NEW boyfriend. My whatsapp number is ‘ 17732425635’ . Drop me a line nly if you are sngle and really miss for love and pleasure..
Josh447
PS. He’d read the Bible after we had sex to try and forgive himself while we laid arm in arm naked. I’d smile and touch him and watch the Bible fly across the room and there we’d be, goin at it again. We were such good Catholic boys.
Kangol2
A great story. But if he was a “preacher’s son,” how could he be Catholic? Just wondering.
Josh447
Good question. He was raised Baptist and converted to Catholicism.
Josh447
I must agree with the last guys statement. Get in the groove now and drop the past lamentings. It’s definitely worth a trip back in time to visit but living there is fruitless unless there’s a learning there of some sort. I. E. Standing up for the self can be grueling yet it’s always a worthy cause.
My first sexual encounter was with a preacher’s son. He was inexcusably hot. Before Leaving for college it was girls. Loved both. Now it’s men only. Sorry girls.
Juanjo
I was a Navy brat so I grew up around different bases filled with horny sailors. I blossomed out at an early age and never looked back. I was also a bit of a slut back then although I did have a longterm thing with the kid who lived in the house back behind ours at one location. He was practicing “for marriage” but I had no such allusions. I knew what I liked at age 13 although it was probably another year before I connected that with the word homosexual.
Chrisk
“The only thing we have control of is now, the present and where we go from there. Stop focusing on what could have been and start living your best life here on out.” So true. Were here now and it makes no difference to father time whether you spend it in regrets or just live’n you’re life. Easier said then done though.
I’ve always said that gay men were about 10 years behind their straight counterparts. Not getting that high school experience will stunt your growth. Gays guys are like teenagers in their twenties and still way behind in their 30s. I think that’s why gay men are so afraid of aging.
Creamsicle
What else happened on reddit today? Did someone post a thirst trap picture with a joke? How about a gif recipe?
Raymundo
Thinking about it almost every lgbtq person I know has a youthful vibe to them. Even the senior citizens. Some didn’t even kiss or have sex until they were fully grown. When I was a teenager I spent most my time either online or the library. I didn’t really have real life friends until my mid to late teens. While I still a lot of changes today its still a fact that many just don’t get to be teens like their cishet counterparts.
RIGay
I’ve come to realize that I’ve lived 2/3’s of my life already. Sure, there are things that I regret doing and opportunities that, to a degree, I lament missing out on.
Looking back, I loved my time as a single, gay male. No regrets. I love the time now as a married and monogamous gay male even more.
But I also live life fully realizing that I am where I need to be at my age, and am ready to embark on this last 1/3 of my life (retirement, retirement career, simplifying life, contending with losses as friends and family age, etc.).
djmcgamester
Had some minor “dating” with girls in middle school and high school which amounted to nothing. Dated one girl when I was about 20 and a year later I was out. Not too broken up about it. I came out when I was ready. I know I’m not the norm but no one cared – not family, not friends, not co-workers, and not even people seeing me hold hands with my bf walking down the halls of a mall in upstate NY. This was 1992. Things happened as they happened and I regret none of it.
VaJohn
I do wish I’d had the opportunities some young men have nowadays back when I was a teen growing up in the ’60’s, and early ’70’s. Yeah, I was in the first Gay rights parade in DC, and was involved in the start of one of Virginia’s (my home state) first openly Gay groups, but I never dated, or even kissed, boys who I had deathly crushes on. I never went to prom, much less with a boy. I lived in fear and shame ( simply meeting another Gay boy or man, even if just for conversation, was a crime). Looking back, I’m proud of “making history”, but even now, I’d give it up for a chance to have been seriously “making out”, like teens are supposed to do.