A couple of weeks ago, NFL veteran Ryan Russell came out as bisexual in a powerful interview with EPSN.
Plus, he’s Black and an incredibly bright athlete with an impeccable way with words. Talk about putting some much-needed points on the queer representation scoreboard.
If that wasn’t enough, it was quickly discovered that his Insta is filled with sexy and loving images of his handsome boyfriend, to whom he composed love poems.
Could we have minted a better role model who could help break through teams sports closet? To this day there is not a single publicly out LGBTQ athlete in any of the four major teams sports: NFL, MLB, NBA or NHL. With so few high-profile, openly bi sporting men out there, this is a breakthrough moment for everyone to enjoy.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Right?
Well, in true internet fashion, social media trolls, some gay, some straight, were quick to rain on Russell’s coming out parade when it was revealed that his partner is none other than professional dancer Corey O’Brien, who happens to be white.
“Having the white partner ruined the entire moment,” wrote one Twitter user. “Wanted to be excited that Ryan Russell came out as bisexual. As a proud Black, East Asian, and Caribbean bi dude, I was happy that another person of color had broken down that wall but alas, you guessed it, his partner is white. This shit is sick and an epidemic at this point,” replied another.
Having the white partner ruined the entire moment.
— Ty Spencer (@1blackpololover) August 29, 2019
In many queer corners of the ‘net, gays were quick to share photos and memes of gay, black celebrities from Shaun T and Karamo Brown to Laverne Cox, Billy Porter and even Michael Sam with their white partners, shaming them for dating outside of their race. It was odd–tons of famous straight athletes are dating interracially as well, so much so that it’s practically the norm. And of course why not? This is reflective of the world of young athletes. They are living smack in the middle of the country’s first generation of a minority-majority rule. Why not embrace a kind of racial fluidity when it comes to dating, just like we defy boundaries in the rest of our lives?
So, in the immortal words of Hillary Clinton I ask, “What difference does it make?”
OK, I’m not that naïve to believe interracial dating should go unnoticed. I get it. It’s interesting and it’s a thing. Before I clicked on the article about Russell’s coming out, I low key thought to myself, I bet he’d be dating a white dude.
I mean, the proof is already in the pudding. In 2017, Pew research found the amount of straight Black folks marrying interracially is increasing. Black men, in fact, are twice as likely to date interracially, and Black men are increasingly more likely to do so as they become more educated. And on top of all of that, white supremacy and this heteronormative, oppressive Trump-ass world we live in has done a number on all. Sexual racism on dating apps (“No blacks, no Asians”) doesn’t help either, fucking with our mental health.
Related: Newly out NFL player Ryan Russell posts love poem to boyfriend and… wow
Which is a way of saying, of course, it’s possible some of us may have swallowed and internalized enough anti-blackness to impact his dating choices. But unless you psycho-analyze these folks, you aren’t going to know that, so it’s best to mind your own beeswax.
Thinking about this backlash Russell is facing, I’m reminded of two separate conversations I had with Karamo Brown and Dear White People creator Justin Simien, whose hubby is white.
I remember Brown telling me about the hurtful comments he receives because he’s engaged to a white man and him telling me that just because he’s dating interracially it doesn’t mean his fears as a Black man such as discrimination and police harassment go away.
And Simien straight up told me, “You can date a white guy and still be black as fuck.”
Here’s why I don’t give a shit who Russell dates: It’s not my story. It’s not my life. It’s not my truth. It’s not my experience. It’s his.
And on top of all of that, do you know how hard it is to even find a gay man who actually wants to meet for something more than a quickie behind a 7/11? It seems most guys today only want to meet up, get off, make plans, flake, meet up to get off, watch your Instagram Stories everyday, and pretend they don’t see you in bars only to hit you up later that night to, yes, get off. Kudos to anyone finding love in this hopeless place we call Earth. And the internet expects a guy lucky enough to find a match to throw it all away because they aren’t similarly complexed? Give me a break.
I’ve written for years about my experience dating and have documented many of my unsavory experiences dating and having sex with white men—the fetishization and objectification, desired for fantasy and dismissed just as quickly, and the blatant, out-and-0ut racism.
I’ve seen many queer people of color share similar stories while discussing Russell’s story. But I’m not going to project my painful experiences onto him. Again, it’s not my story. And his experiences with his partner may not mirror. And I’m able to do this because I’ve done the work on myself and healed the wounds and trauma I’ve experienced.
My advice to people criticizing Russell or Porter or Cox or whatever Shaun T’s last name is: heal yourself. Heal your heart so it can know love when it sees it and instead of shutting its door thinking love is a stranger.
Chrisk
Well, it does seem to be a rule in the celebrity world. Maybe people are just tired of the very predictable. At this point I’d be shocked if it was two black guys.
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James Hart
Both dudes are hot & gorgeous. They’re lucky & blessed to have each other.
Wicked Dickie
So white gays aren’t racist anymore? Did they put out a memo on Sean Cody, WeHo, Castro, Market Day?
Josh447
Terrific article Lamar. I’d like to hear more from you.
I thought this sort of thing wasn’t an issue anymore. They are a great couple and I wish them the best. Russell is a well spoken advocate and deserves a gold star for his accomplishments in anything he does. Though he may never play ball again, he is still a feather in our cap.
rustyiam
So you thought everyone thought alike? Are you conscious?
Lamar Dawson
Thank you for reading for taking the time to respond, Josh. I’ll be contributing here more often. I’d also love to hear from *you.* If you have any ideas for topics to explore, DM me on social media. My handle is @dirrtykingofpop on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Our goal is to always start a dialogue and grow and challenge each other. Be well. LD
rustyiam
Cue the finger pointers who get off on casting everyone as racists or as defending homophobia so that they can feel morally superior to everyone when in fact they are the most morally corrupt insecure and angry people out there! 😉
Bob LaBlah
Chris, it has been rumored for years that LLCoolJ and others were undercover all along. If it proves to be true I applaud them because personally I do not see it as necessary to know if they are/were a top or a bottom CD (crossdresser) complete with garter belt, silk stocking and high heels. If they were would it really matter if their mates were white, latino, asian..etc? Earlier in the year I saw on the cable show Investigations a segment about Suge Knights fall from grace. There seems to be a young black guy who was in the picture that Suge had bought a condo for and once he got broke started coming back around (nearly twenty years later) reminding him about what he had done for him and how lucky he was that Suge had let “somebody like him” hang around. By the way, the guy was black and NOTICEABLY very fem, high voice and all. It seems hard to believe he was any different when he was around Suge and his infamous entourage back in those days. There is a book available at most public libraries titled Have Gun, Will Tavel. If you’ve got a minute this Saturday afternoon drop buy and check it out and read for yourself the things Knight did (or was HEAVILY accused of and even sued for) to humiliate people who ticked him off. The most interesting is the one he slapped around made drink a glass of……well, like I said, get the book and read it for yourself.
Donston
It seems like a lot of bitter ass “queers” think everyone should stay closeted and no one should honestly express themselves and be real about their sense of self, their struggles, who they want to love/be with. It’s almost as if you guys root for the closet, for homophobia, for internalized homophobia, for non-progress and resent the younger generation for trying to grow beyond that. That’s the difference between being homophobic and being anti-gay. There’s lot of anti-gay “queers” out here. I do feel that Russell is trying too hard to get attention and be praised for coming out and presenting his white bf. But the resentment some of you have for him is clearly mostly driven by other stuff.
rustyiam
Funny you always come off exactly how you accuse others of coming off, do you understand the concept of hypocrisy?
Donston
Well, we’re all hypocrites at the end of the day. But you couple of dudes (and your multiple handles) do mostly stick to your agenda of being against any type of nuanced conversation or perspectives, being femme-phobic and shitting on everyone who has unembarrassed passions, romantic affections, relationship ambitions towards their sex. So, congrats on being consistently bitter and hateful and anti-gay.
rustyiam
My gawd you are a waking talking bundle of cliches! You must live online! Oh and we all know you and kangol are one and the same!
Bob LaBlah
Donston, its not resentment, its fact. When you say nuanced conversation you make it sound as though we all have to agree victimization is the order of the day. Well that doesnt sit well with many of us. I have a knack for trivia (or to be honest and more specific I tend to remember what I read and how things were during certain eras that I lived thru). You are above self loathing and jealousy (or should I say thats what you sound like). I didn’t suggest that he go away. I suggested that maybe its time he took his gayness in another direction and use it as a base to try to “invent” something that has nothing to do with naked sex or put sensuality on hold for a second and talk about football and sports. How many out sportscasters are there, especially out and black sportscasters are there? I’ll bet they can be counted on one hand. I see nothing I said to be upset about unless its because I was the one who suggested it that is causing all the pain and misery. Many gay kids out there probably didn’t even know that book (Have Gun, Will Travel) existed or it never crossed their minds that maybe, just maybe his hosting a show about sports instead of the ignorance surrounding gays in sports would shed a different light on things that have nothing to do with sex or sexuality. Is that what’s eating you? Race be darned too many of you guys on here seem to be locked in a world where change of direction is feared because of the progress it might bring. Maybe Russell sees it the same way and I am the fly in the soup. If thats the case then all I can do is remind him of the saying when you publicly open your mouth you opened the door to public scrutiny.
Donston
The dude just published his “coming out letter” a month ago. It’s not as if he’s been beating a dead horse for years. I do wish more of these “queer activists” would get more real and incisive about their struggles and the struggles of others. With a lot of these people there does seem to be an over dependence on basic phrases, identities, looking cute on Instagram, and wanting everyone to like you. The topic of race, for example, has gotten much more messy and nuanced over the years. On a mainstream level, the conversation surrounding most “queer issues” is fairly route. And yes, eventually he needs to move on and find some other ambitions. And yes, some of the praise he’s received has been over the top. But ultimately, he’s just a young guy trying to be himself and get a couple nuts. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Cam
So you’re defending the closet.
Apolodorus
God, Bob, you’re an idiot.
rustyiam
@ AP oh oh someone’s triggered!!!
deacon
What’s going over many of your heads is the fact that Black Gay Men and other Men Of Color are tired of seeing men of color come out and be praised for it and never have another man of color on their arm. You don’t see white guys athletes or celebrities coming out as gay/bi with Black Brown Latinos or Asians on their arms do you? You may say it doesn’t matter who they love and if that’s the case why praise them for coming out in the first place. When Men of Color start seeing other Men of Color come out with another Man of Color on his arm more often it won’t be such an issue but that’s not happening is it?
Bob LaBlah
@ol Brother Deacon……If you’ve got a minute go on over to youtube and put in ATL Black Pride 2019 in the search bar and see what comes up. After that do the same thing for DC Black Pride 2019 and see what comes up. How much do you want to bet what you are going to see is an sea of black men hand in hand with black men who care less about interracial relationships because they are happy with whom they have. Smiling faces, good times, young’uns, oldies but goodie…..the works. I don’t know if old tired as Los Angeles or the once mighty but now criminally overpriced and suffocating NYC still have one and personally I don’t care (I moved away from both places over the years equally hating both places because of the cost of living).
Now you know this is old loud mouthed ass Bob Lablah talking here and now that YOU’VE steered (or got me going) me toward pridefest I’m going to add that in NYC the best black pride gathering on the entire east coast (the Riis Beach annual August beach party) was ruined by a person who should have NEVER been appointed to run POC in the first place. Its a long story that I won’t go into for arguments sake but trust me, its a tragic one. It made no sense whatsoever someone would be that careless and stupid enough to think they were not going to get caught.
Cam
Cograts to him and his boyfriend, hopefully the bitter Bettys on Twitter don’t bother them too much.
Jerry
Non-white races are more racist the whites.
Kangol2
You couldn’t even get that nonsensical racist comment right, girl. Come on, now!
RIGay
Just because someone is gay does not mean they are not a racist. I dealt with that a LOT living in Florida and singing with the Tampa gay men’s chorus. I was instructed that I should NEVER date outside my race (I am white and I wanted to casually date an African American I sang with). We have the capacity of being just as ignorant and crude as anyone wearing a MAGA hat or carrying a Tiki torch.
When I met my (now) husband (also African American), he really opened my eyes to all the racism in and around the communities there (and it’s why we moved to New England).
We’re not as “woke” as we think we are, but hey, before we try and address this racism thing, let’s have a long, tiring discussion on gender identity and why “Non-binary” and “Gender-fluid” are important to our society.
JaredMacBride
You think everyone who carries a tiki torch is ignorant and crude? Seems like this description better fits you.
Josh447
Got it, right? The ‘let’s fu***ck with the English language and steal they/them to describe our inner vag’ crowd. Hear ya bruthah. Totally psycho. There are more important things to tend to. Like emptying the dishwasher for starters. Yes racism is huge, just not sure of the answer. Got any?
Kenn
I can’t believe in 2019 we’re still having “this” discussion! I am one half of an interracial couple and this particular argument is old and tired! My husband and I have been happily together for 23 years, and during that time have endured this small minded chatter from ignorant, xenophobic and ethnocentric busy bodies. Let me leave you with this, when I was single there were no “like minded gay brothers” interested in dating me and when my husband come into my life we were in mutual agreement on what our shared goals for the future would be. That included exclusivity, building a home and life together, inclusive relationships with our families and mutual respect for one another’s work. Now, anyone who cannot get on board with that ideology, that is their problem. Why can’t we just be supportive of one another’s happiness without the catty bitchiness.