On the outside, Lydia Meredith appeared to have it all.
As the wife of a popular Atlanta pastor and the mother of three beautiful children, she was a well-respected member in her community. She also had several masters degrees and held a senior position at a Fortune 500 company.
But all was not as it seemed.
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“I was one of those preachers’ wives who sat in the pew on many a Sunday morning while my ‘real’ life was a fraud,” Meredith writes in her new memoir The Gay Preacher’s Wife: How My Gay Husband Deconstructed My Life and Reconstructed My Faith.
Several years into her nearly 30 year marriage, Meredith discovered her husband was cheating on her with other men.
“But I stayed,” she writes. “I watched my husband stand in that pulpit on Sunday morning, preaching one message and living out yet another.”
Even after her husband was arrested for soliciting sex with another man, Meredith says she stuck by him, suggesting instead of getting divorced they go to couple’s counseling.
“I loved my husband,” she reveals in an interview with Rolling Out, adding that it was often easy to turn a blind eye because she was such a workaholic. “I was a professional woman working as a senior engineer for a Fortune 500 company. I was living my life, married with three children.”
The infidelities and the counseling went on for years. Then in 2005, everything finally crashing down when her husband said he was leaving her for another man.
Related: “I’m Pretty Sure My Husband Is Gay, But He Insists He Isn’t”
“He told me he wanted to live the rest of his life as a gay man,” Meredith says. “At that time, I didn’t know he was in a relationship with a man. Most of the time when we were in therapy discussing his struggles it was never a relationship; it was always [just] sex. This particular time it was very different. He had fallen in love with a man.”
Meredith was devastated.
“I prayed my entire young life for God to send me a husband–God always answers my prayers–why did I end up marrying a gay man?”
As all this was happening, she also learned her middle son was gay.
Today, Meredith says she still loves and respects her ex-husband, who now preaches at the Tabernacle Baptist Church in Atlanta. The congregation has over 1,000 members and is made up mostly of members of the LGBTQ community. Their gay son also works at the church as the minister of music.
“I want to share some topics that I feel need to be addressed for women who find themselves in situations like I found myself in,” Meredith says, “and to help them and to show them they can get through it.”
She adds that, while it took a long time for her to get over the pain, she doesn’t hold any resentment or ill-will towards her ex-husband today.
“The church needs a new kind of ministry,” she adds, “one steeped in the ministry started by Jesus [and] free of bias, discrimination, hate, or prejudice.”
Related: Wife Finds Gay Videos On Husband’s Phone, Suspects He’s Sleeping With His Best Friend… Now What?!
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Chris
What a life journey! May she find someone who can reciprocate her love in the ways she wants.
nathan_dostal
Man, she was really really stupid. She knew from the beginning, but was brainwashed by religious nonsense, thinking you can be cured of being gay or that you can “overcome” it. The guy liked dick and dick is what he decided on years later…stop being stupid, ladies!!
nathan_dostal
@Chris: -doubtful-she has really pisss poor judgment!
Kangol
Moving. I am also impressed that she has not responded with homophobia but with Christian love and forgiveness towards her husband, and love for her gay son. I now hope she finds someone who’ll love her in all the ways she hopes for.
Bob LaBlah
I feel sorry for both of them. My sincerest hope is that it was not a forced marriage and that it was a marriage of love of each other. From what I saw in the video I STRONGLY recommend you guys to check out this video of the congregation. I am tempted to stop by there myself, and I am an etched in stone atheist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wReXvTFdZz0
CaliKyle
@nathan_dostal: She did not know from the beginning; the article clearly stated they were already several years – and likely already a couple of kids – into the marriage before she realized he was sexually drawn to men. When that sexual attraction is then framed as a compulsion having nothing to do with love or romance it’s not difficult for a wife and mother to believe that counseling, prayer and committment might save her marriage. To her credit, preacher’s wife finally woke up and realized hubby’s attraction to men went deeper than sex. She ultimately managed what many in her position can’t and handled the situation with a measure of grace and understanding. Instead of characterizing initially unsuspecting wives as stupid perhaps you should save the harsh judgment and insults for the dishonest, duplicitous closet cases who sucker others into believing their selfish lies.
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Brian
Her husband should have kept his homosexual feelings in the realm of fantasy rather than create a situation that threatened his marriage.
He has 3 beautiful children as his wfe puts it. He can obviously get aroused by women. He is not gay-identifying as far as I can tell, and nobody has the right to impose an identity on him.
I give her kudos for sticking by him until he decided to leave her.
Bob LaBlah
@Brian………………………………”Her husband should have kept his homosexual feelings in the realm of fantasy rather than create a situation that threatened his marriage.”
This might be ONE possibility as to why he began to admit what he was and started his own church aimed at gay men and women in Atlanta. Bishop Eddie Long and Bernice King, Martin Luther Kings youngest daughter, were organizing marches and rallies against gay men and women and creating quite a stir (and also filling their coffers via homophobia that they were well aware was rampant in their communities). Since then the “good” bishop was sued by five young males for sexual abuse. The case was settled out of court for $15 million dollars. And by the way, Bernice King is fifty-years old, no kids and never been married but yet she feels she has the “divine” right to tell others how to live.
He saw a wrong and turned it into a right. That wrong being the all powerful black church were ostracizing a portion of their community that was quite large and felt helpless to do anything about it. He proved them wrong and a lot of people down there don’t like that fact.