Making friends is a lot harder in your adult years than it was in high school and college, and it’s even harder if you’re looking specifically for gay friends. But commenters chimed in with advice after one Reddit user asked for “specific, actionable, constructive advice” for befriending other gays, and many of their tips honed in on the two Gs: groups and Grindr. Read on for their responses, edited for clarity.
“Work and Reddit. … I’ve met one person off Reddit, but he actually knows quite a bit of people, so I’ve been meeting some of his friends little by little.”
“Usually making one friend will lead you to meeting their friends and basically a chain reaction, if you’re lucky. The usual [advice] is [to] join clubs or group activities, even online ones in your area. I used to go to the bars alone, have a drink or two, and basically just talk to strangers. Maybe someone was alone or someone saw me alone. Sometimes I’d run into someone I hadn’t seen in ages and made friends with their friends. It’s best to not go in with high expectations. A couple of times, it was a dud, but I was happy to leave the house.”
Related: Can gay guys make gay friends while in a relationship? Redditors say…
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“Find your local LGBT center and volunteer and go to events. There are other queer folk looking for friends.”
“Most of the gay friends I have came from Grindr. The only ones that have stayed are the ones that I didn’t hook up with. My roommate got on Facebook, and it suggested to him a lot of the local gays, and he got to know them that way, just by randomly adding them and messaging them on Facebook. He is braver than me in that respect.”
“Reach out to people that you find interesting! My current best friend and I met after he randomly reached out to me on Facebook 3 years ago. Yes, it started out as flirty but turned into a beautiful friendship. Also, join groups. I have a really good friend in Texas I talk to and FaceTime a bunch. We met through the comment section on a post in the Facebook group we were both in. Granted, we are in different states, but I love having her. I also have another gay friend in Texas I met through the same way! Otherwise, hobbies and common interests. Start a new hobby and find people in your community that are also into that hobby. The more you frequent the same place, the higher the chances of running into the same people and becoming friends. Anyway, I need to take my own advice because I need more friends, but I hope this helps.”
Related: Gay guys explain how they landed their friends-with-benefits
“Back when I was a teenager — 32 now — I used to go to gay chatrooms online and talk to gay guys in my local area. Met up with them, and from then on, I’ve met more gay friends. I guess nowadays an online chatroom is equivalent to Reddit, Tinder, Grindr, etc. Or you can go to gay clubs and bars by yourself, if that’s your thing. I know being there by yourself can be a bit weird and intimidating at times, but people would usually try to talk to you, especially if you’re on your own in there.”
“Oddly, Grindr. Just separated ones I was trying to hook up/date [from] other bottoms I just became friends with.”
ingyaom
“…other bottoms I just became friends with”?!
You heard it here folks – being gay means tops & bottoms can’t be friends.
winemaker
Being gay has never been easy and meeting other quality gay men is fraught with frustration and disappointment and sometimes humiliation if you approach a straight guy by accident., That being said, no wonder so many of us are alone after years of dealing with flaky men or men who don’t know what they want or have to much drama in their lives or whatever.
Today’s gays have it relatively easy with the hookup apps like grinder or tinder compared to those of us 40 and over when the only way to meet gay guys was at a bar of remember this’ personal ads in gay publications and then meeting someone with the same interests was a crap shoot.. As to meeting quality man in bars or clubs, it’s still a crap shoot at best. For the most part many of the men you meet in bars tend to be flaky, have personality problems or are looking for a one night stand if nothing more. And your chances of connecting with some guy that you share things in common is again a crap shoot to say the least.
radiooutmike
I’m not disagreeing with you comment. But do you include yourself as one of those ‘flaky men you meet in bars’ who are only good for a one night stand?