Now that Aaron Schock has announced he will be vacating his $40,000 Downton Abbey-inspired Washington, D.C. offices at the end of the month, the disgraced U.S. congressman will need to secure himself a new gig if he wants to keep up with his high-rolling, jet-setting, non-gay lifestyle. We thought we’d help him out by throwing together a few suggestions for potential new careers to consider.

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Maggie Smith’s Personal Shopper

The two things Schock loves more than anything (aside from himself, that is) are shopping and Downtown Abbey. So why not combine his two greatest passions by becoming Maggie Smith’s personal shopper? The 80-year-old dame is busier than ever these days with her latest film The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel grossing nearly $50 million at the box office. She could no doubt use a little assistance buying outfits for all her various press junkets, premieres, award ceremonies, and charity events, and we know Schock has that special eye for fashion needed to excel at the job.



At 33 years old, Schock is one of the youngest people ever to serve in the U.S. House of Representatives. That means he’s got plenty of time to go back to school and get his medical degree. Afterwards, he could open his own proctology clinic. We’re sure he wouldn’t have any trouble attracting new clients and making buttloads, er, boatloads of money.


Chippendales® Dancer

If there’s one thing we learned from his 2011 Men’s Health photo spread, it’s that Schock loves showing off his hot bod. Perhaps he would enjoy following in the footsteps of Ian Zierling and Tyson Beckford by getting naked and dry humping club goers at Chippendales® in Las Vegas. Beckford’s contract is up on May 24, which means the all male revue will be looking for a replacement soon.


Financial Advisor

Just kidding! (Although Schock does have a Bachelor’s degree in finance, ironically.)


Katy Perry’s Backup Dancer

Schock is a huge fan of Katy Perry. And we mean huge. How do we know? Well, a political action committee associated with the congressman paid almost $25,000 in concert tickets for him, including tickets to see Katy Perry live, where he no doubt got down to “I Kissed A Girl” and “UR So Gay” whilst surrounded by screaming teenage girls and the homosexual men whose equal rights he actively works to squash.


Underwear model

When all else fails, Schock could always resort to stripping down and modeling men’s skivvies. From U.S. congressman to Calvin Klein underwear model. Stranger things have happened.

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