What is the hetero equivalent to a leather daddy?
Is there such thing as a straight twink?
And what’s the difference between a pocket gay and a short guy, anyway?
If these questions have ever kept you up at night, as they have us (at least to write this post), then you may find the following list of terms helpful.
Scroll down for definitions of various types of gay men and their non-gay counterparts.
Twink vs. Emo
Not a boy, not yet a man, a twink is a youthful homosexual male, usually between the ages of 18-22, who is smooth-bodied and a slight, puerile build. He wears tight-fitting clothes from H&M, works at the mall, and is, of course, a bottom.
An emo is an overly sensitive straight male, usually between the ages of 18-22, who sports a lip ring, an androgynous haircut, and usually dresses in all black as an outward reflection of his internal angst. He wears tight-fitting clothes from Hot Topic, works at the mall, and is likely a virgin.
Gym Bunny vs. Jock
A gym bunny is a gay guy who spends an obsessive amount of time working out not for health purposes, but because he likes to flaunt his ripped body when he goes clubbing. His wardrobe contains no less than 20 different muscle shirts and he can often be seen snapping selfies in the mirror between reps, which he then posts to his Instagram page.
A jock is a straight guy who likes to work out, play sports, and call other guys “bro.” Like a gym bunny, his wardrobe contains no less than 20 different muscle shirts and he can often be seen snapping selfies in the mirror between reps, which he then sends to his girlfriend because he doesn’t know about Instagram quite yet.
Pocket Gay vs. Short Guy
Petite and small in stature, a pocket gay is a travel-sized homosexual who stands under 5’7, even in shoes, and is often highly sought after the moment he steps into a gay bar.
Petite and small in stature, a short guy stands under 5’7, even in shoes, and is overlooked or assumed to be gay when he steps into a straight bar.
Bitchy Queen vs. Hipster
A bitchy queen is a stereotypically flamboyant gay guy who lacks any semblance of self-awareness and is difficult be around for more than five minutes unless you, too, are a bitchy queen (the cat fights are fabulous). He is loud, squeals phrases like “Omigawd!” and “Gurl, that’s fierce!”, wears designer everything (jeans, shoes, sunglasses, underwear), loves EDM, and drinks Stoli cosmos with a raised pinkie and lots of attitude.
At first glance, the hipster may seem like the antithesis of a bitchy queen, but he is actually very similar. He may not sport the designer clothes (labels are way too mainstream for him), but he is equally lacking in self-awareness and is not easy to be around for more than five minutes. Instead of EDM, he listens to Lana Del Rey on his suitcase record player be bought for $250 at Urban Outfitters. And instead of Stoli cosmos, he drinks PBR.
Self-hating Gay vs. Curmudgeon
Self-hating gays can often be seen scowling at dinner parties, grumbling about how much the world sucks, and blaming everyone else for their misery. Their sole mission in life is to drag everyone else down into the mud along with them. And when that doesn’t work, they just get more drunk and bitch about how they don’t give a shit if gay marriage is made legal because it’s not like they want to get married anyway, before slinging their albatross over the chip on their shoulder and making the lonely trek home.
A surly straight guy who likes to pout and still hasn’t gotten over that girlfriend who jilted him two years ago.
Leather Daddy vs. Sugar Daddy
A leather daddy is an older gay gentleman, usually between 35-55, who likes to dominate his younger male lovers (at least until he is revealed to be a raging bottom). His bedroom closet has no shortage of whips, crops, chains, and paddles. He’s kinky. He’s rough. He’s hot. He’ll do you hard, and when he’s done he’ll wrap up in his big, bulging arms and cuddle you like a little baby.
A sugar daddy is an older heterosexual man, usually between 50-70 years of age, who drives an expensive car, thinks ill-fitting Ralph Lauren and Tommy Bahama outfits are fashionable, and likes to wine and dine his 20-something girlfriends, showering them with lavish gifts and jewelry in exchange for sex.