Twinks, Daddies, and Jocks: The straight equivalent to gay terms

What is the straight person’s equivalent to a leather daddy? And is there such thing as a straight twink? And while we’re at it…what’s the difference between a pocket gay and a short guy, anyway?

If these questions have ever kept you up at night, as they have us (at least to write this post), then you may find the following list of terms helpful!

Let’s dive in: discover the straight equivalents to gay terms below!

Twink vs. Emo

Twink

Not a boy, not yet a man. A twink is a youthful homosexual male, usually between the ages of 18-22, who is smooth-bodied and a slight, puerile build. He wears tight-fitting clothes from H&M, works at the mall, and is, of course, a bottom.

Emo

An emo is an overly sensitive straight male, usually between the ages of 18-22, who sports a lip ring, an androgynous haircut, and usually dresses in all black as an outward reflection of his internal angst. He wears tight-fitting clothes from Hot Topic, and works there, too.

Gym Bunny vs. Jock

Gym Bunny

A gym bunny is a gay guy who spends an obsessive amount of time working out not for health purposes, but because he likes to flaunt his ripped body when he goes clubbing. His wardrobe contains no less than 20 different muscle shirts. You’ll find him snapping selfies in the mirror between reps, which he then posts to his Instagram page.

Jock

A jock is a straight guy who likes to work out, play sports, and call other guys “bro.” Like a gym bunny, his wardrobe contains no less than 20 different muscle shirts, and is often found snapping selfies in the mirror between reps, too. Then, he’ll forward those pics to his five girlfriends (no, he’s not poly).

Pocket gay vs. Short guy

Pocket Gay

Petite and small in stature, a pocket gay is a travel-sized homosexual who stands under 5’7, even in shoes. Pocket gays are incredibly sought after, and the moment he steps into a gay bar, our pocket gay has at least five guys waiting for him.

Short guy

Petite and small in stature, a short guy stands under 5’7, even in shoes. He’s often overlooked or assumed to be gay when he steps into a straight bar. Sorry, guy!

Bitchy queen vs. Hipster

Bitchy Queen

A bitchy queen is a stereotypically flamboyant gay guy who lacks any semblance of self-awareness and is difficult be around for more than five minutes unless you, too, are a bitchy queen (the cat fights are fabulous). He is loud, squeals phrases like “Omigawd!” and “Gurl, that’s fierce!”, wears designer everything (jeans, shoes, sunglasses, underwear), loves EDM, and drinks Stoli cosmos with a raised pinkie and lots of attitude.

Hipster

At first glance, the hipster may seem like the antithesis of a bitchy queen, but he is actually very similar. He may not sport the designer clothes (labels are way too mainstream for him), but he is equally lacking in self-awareness and is not easy to be around for more than five minutes. Rather than EDM, the hipster plays Lana Del Rey on his suitcase record player he bought for $250 at Urban Outfitters. And instead of Stoli cosmos, he drinks PBR.

Self-hating gay vs. Curmudgeon

Self-hating gay

Always the sad sack, self-hating gays can be found scowling at dinner parties, grumbling about how much the world sucks, and blaming everyone else for their misery. Their sole mission in life is to drag everyone else down into the mud along with them. And when that doesn’t work, they simply get more drunk and bitch about how they don’t give a shit if gay marriage is made legal, because it’s not like they have anyone, anyway. Then, they’ll sling their albatross over the chip on their shoulder and making the lonely trek home.

Curmudgeon

A curmudgeon is surly straight guy who likes to pout. They haven’t gotten over that girlfriend who jilted him two years ago. And watch out, he may or may not still listen to music on his iPod touch from over a decade ago.

Leather Daddy vs. Sugar Daddy

Leather Daddy

A leather daddy is an older gay gentleman, usually between 35-55, who likes to dominate his younger male lovers. At least, until it’s revealed he’s actually a raging bottom. His bedroom closet has no shortage of whips, crops, chains, and paddles. He’s kinky. Rough. Hot. He’ll screw you hard, and when he’s done, he’ll wrap up in his big, bulging arms and cuddle you like a little baby.

Sugar Daddy

A sugar daddy is an older heterosexual man, usually between 50-70 years of age, who drives an expensive car, thinks ill-fitting Ralph Lauren and Tommy Bahama outfits are fashionable, and likes to wine and dine his 20-something girlfriends, showering them with lavish gifts and jewelry in exchange for sex.

Well, folks, there you have it – straight equivalent to gay terms! But hey, if you’re curious about more secret lingo or just wanna chat, let us know in the comments below!

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Graham Gremore is a columnist and contributor for Queerty and Life of the Law. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.