Zac Efron Professes Love For Italian Daddy: What The Hell Is Actually Going On Here?

zacballaBeautiful genetically designed straight male Zac Efron is still on his seemingly never-ending Italian vacation, during which he has captivated and baffled the globe by making out with noted alcoholic bisexual actress Michelle Rodriguez and befriending a sexually fluid Italian playboy daddy-type who mounted him from behind last Tuesday.

Let’s forget the alleged “staged” relationship with a binge-drinker like Michelle Rodriguez for a moment (helllloo girl, do you not understand that Zac is a recovering addict?) and focus our attention back on this Italian daddy.

Gianluca Vacchi is, according to Bloomberg, the 47-year-old President of SEA Societa Europea Autocaravan SpA, a European company that “designs, manufactures, markets and sells motor homes in Europe.” He currently serves on the Board of Directors at Fin Vacchi Finanziaria Vacchi S.p.A., another Italian company that manufactures machines that package pharmaceutical products.

In 2011, Vacchi was briefly engaged to Melissa Satta, an Italian-American television presenter with a history of jumping from man-to-man on a whim. Shortly after their breakup, it was reported that Vacchi was having sex with Michelle Rodriguez during an Italian vacation remarkably similar to the one happening with Zac Efron right now — a whole month of pictures on boats, beaches, and flirty makeout sessions littered the Internet at the time.

Vacchi’s history on Instagram suggests he enjoys the company of young, beautiful women. Apparently now Zac Efron, too.

This morning, Zac Efron professed his love for Vacchi on Instagram (in a total bro-type way, but still). The caption reads: “To my friend @gianlucavacchi- the real life ‘most interesting man in the world’, never above you, never below- always by your side. Luv and respect.”

What the hell is going on over there in Italy? Is Gianluca Vacchi still having sex with Michelle Rodriguez? Is Zac Efron having sex with Gianluca Vacchi? Is anyone even having sex? Are they starting a new Italian feel-good sexual liberation cult?

Will Zac Efron ever return to the United States? Is he bisexual? Why did we ever stop calling him Zaquisha?

So many questions and not nearly enough coverage of this issue in the mainstream. We demand answers!

In the meantime, here is Zac Efron riding a horse in Italy:

And one for the Michelle Rodriguez fans in the house:

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