After a divorce saga that included rumors of sleeping with Alex Rodriguez, and what ultimately ended up with a quicky legal split, Madonna is wise to rapidly shift focus away from her personal affairs and on to something more … consumerist. Enter Louis Vuitton, which Ms. Sticky & Sweet is said to be shooting a campaign for, joining the ranks of Andre Agassi, Steffi Graf, and Catherine Deneuve in the brand's relaxed-yet-stylized campaign.

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Madonna's fans are all sorts of inflamed over her divorce from director Guy Ritchie - and some of them are going downright insane.

It looks like fans — at least the crazed ones — are siding with Madonna over Guy Ritchie as their divorce battle heats up.

Ritchie called security on the set of his new movie “Sherlock Holmes” when a Madonna fan reportedly threatened to stab him to death.

According to Britain’s Sunday Mirror a 16-year-old boy burst onto the set shouting, “I’m Madonna’s biggest fan! I’m gonna kill Guy!”

Indeed! How can this guppie claim to be Madge's biggest fan? You know there's a whole gaggle of older, grayer gays who deserves the title way more.

Who here is surprised by the fact that Madonna and Guy Ritchie had a contract listing rules to abide by during their marriage?

After visiting a counselor two years ago, Madge hung up the contract in the couple's New York home and, if her husband every broke the rules, she would say, "Contract, Guy, contract." Cause that's not annoying at all.

It's a wonder Guy survived this long, especially upon viewing the rules…

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You're the world's biggest pop star, in the middle of a global tour, and all you want to do is avoid the press so you can spoon with your new Major League Baseball playing boyfriend. Such is the thicket of Madonna's life.

Except standing in the way of these grand plans is the obnoxious press, filled with their anonymously sourced items painting you as the self-absorbed persona you practically branded yourself from the beginning.

So just who is leaking all your personal details to the media?

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Ooooh, they've gone and done it. After shafting them last week by releasing news of the divorce after the tabloids hit newsstands, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are being paid back by the celeb weeklies with less than favorable reports.

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Yohane Banda, the man who allowed Madonna to adopt his child and then used the situation repeatedly to bask in the media spotlight, is back at it after hearing news of the singer's divorce from Guy Ritchie.

Instead of offering up a respectable "no comment," the father had this to say:

I am still a poor farmer with nothing to offer, but maybe he'd be better off back with us. This woman, Madonna, told me herself that David was beautiful and made her happy and she promised to take care of him. Now I see him in a big bewildering crowd in the street with people pushing and shoving, and many cameras around, and without a mother and father to hold his hand. I'm feeling bad for him.

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Poor Lindsay Lohan. The paps may love her, but the Sapphic-seeming actress can't catch a break with her fellow celebrities, including the far less fabulous Chace Crawford:

…As super-pregnant M.I.A. performed at the Diesel XXX party in Dumbo, Lindsay Lohan desperately tried to get the attention of Chace Crawford. Lohan, who launched her 6126 line at Henri Bendel last night, pulled on the "Gossip Girl" boy's shirt and grabbed his shoulder, but "Crawford was more interested in talking with Taylor Momsen," our spy said.

Lohan got dissed again at Madonna's Madison Square Garden show Sunday when Madge gave Kelly Ripa her mike during her rendition of "Give It to Me" instead of to the rehabbed starlet, who was standing next to Ripa in the front row.

At least Lilo's always got Sam Ronson, right?