Flesh for fantasy

BREAKING: “People” magazine ranks Nick Jonas’ “Best Shirtless Moments”

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There are shirtless moments, and then there are the best shirtless moments. A list assembled this week by PEOPLE magazine is certanily the latter.

Related: Nick Jonas Admits He’d Be ‘Lying’ If He Said He’s Never Had Gay Sex

We’re not sure which editor assigned the story, or whether things got heated in the conference room as journalists flipped through photos and collected GIFs in a desperate bid to make the deadline.

Related: What It’s Like Seeing Nick Jonas Undressed: “He’s Everything One Could Dream”

Hopefully, emotions ran high and someone got slapped by the water cooler.

The magazine has just published what they’re calling “A Definitive Ranking Of Nick Jonas’ Best Shirtless Moments,” and we’ve taken it upon ourselves to peruse the images, discuss them amongst ourselves, and give each photo or GIF our own grade.

You can see for yourself that all the images are shirtless

But are they shirtless enough?

Let’s decide together.

1.

Well. It’s true that a life jacket isn’t a shirt. Still, this entry feels like a little bit of a cheat to us. Basically, you lied to us, PEOPLE.

Our grade: C

2.

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Much better, no? This time, he’s inarguably shirtless, undoubtedly wet, and looks eager to impregnate something.

Our grade: A-

3.

Check out my cover for @flauntmagazine at flaunt.com! Full feature out later this week!

A photo posted by Nick Jonas (@nickjonas) on

Major BS. Another cheat. Flashing your bellybutton doesn’t constitute “shirtless” in this or any other alien dimension. Shame on you, PEOPLE.

Our grade: C-

4. 

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PEOPLE once again reaffirms its journalistic integrity by including a Nick Jonas moment that is certifiably shirtless, and we’re kind of into it.

Unfortunately, we’re still angry about Number 1 and 3 and feeling pretty vindictive. 

Our grade: F

5. 

I never do this but… Healthy living and fitness update. Post workout picture. #diabeticinshape #2.0

A photo posted by Nick Jonas (@nickjonas) on

Suddenly, we aren’t angry anymore.

Our grade: A

6. 

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Hey, PEOPLE editors: We’re sorry about the scene we made earlier and we appreciate that you’ve since gone the extra mile to rectify the situation. 

Our grade: A-

7. 

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Very artistic. But it’s also a cropped image. The original is far more revealing and can be found HERE.

Our grade: B

8. 

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We were outraged to see that T-shirt clinging tenaciously to Nick Jonas’ right arm and were about to cry foul, but then the situation worked itself out and we were okay again. 

Our grade: A-

9. 

Check out December's issue of Men's Fitness… ?????

A photo posted by Nick Jonas (@nickjonas) on

Wait, another bellybutton photo? Cancel our subscription. What next? Zac Efron in a cloak and snow helmet?

The ghosts of Woodward and Bernstein scowl on you, PEOPLE.

Our grade: F-, scrawled in fat red marker. Also: Detention.

10. 

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Hi, PEOPLE. Sorry we lost our temper again. You were right. We were wrong. About everything. 

Our grade: A+