We have the term in our publication name. Some guys don’t care for the word. But what does “queer” mean? How does it differ from “gay”? And are or aren’t the two words interchangeable? These are all questions Redditors recently mulled… but don’t hold out hope for a consensus! Here’s a wide-ranging variety of comments, edited for readability.
“People seem to use queer like how some people use non-binary. So it basically means whatever [they] feel like. Queer seems to have some sort of political connotation to it, though, as opposed to being gay.”
“To me, queer is anything non-straight. Gay is mostly homosexual men and women.”
Related: Redditors sound off on ‘gay voice’ and whether they code-switch
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“For one, it helps to not have an aggravatingly long acronym like LGBTQIPAA+. Second, someone who calls themselves queer is either someone who grossly misunderstands what being queer is and thinks that just cause they’re cis and in a heterosexual relationship where kinks are involved they’re queer, or it implies someone who’s part of the LGBT community that has beliefs that might stem more into activism history at the minimum. Sometimes it helps to express you’re not straight so people get the message, but not disclose enough about your actual identity since sometimes it really isn’t everyone’s business to know. Other times, it’s good to open someone into exploring more without feeling like being tied down to being a golden-star gay or lesbian.”
“I just use queer as a catch-all term instead of the whole LGBTQ+ alphabet soup. Don’t know or really care about its actual meaning.”
Related: Reddit users share naughty mantras and other ‘gay words to live by’
“Queer is more like ‘I’m pretty much just not straight.’ Gay is specifically, like, your own gender.”
“Contemporarily, however queer is used as a synonym for ‘gay,’ or ‘LGBT,’ with the edge of being a bit easier to use in casual conversation and being more (allegedly) inclusive as it is non-specific. Thus, I say it functionally is not different from saying gay or LGBT because it shares most of the same social connotations.”
By the way, if you want another dive into queer semantics, we asked guests of the 2019 Queerties what the word “queer” means to them. Check out their responses here.
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Black Pegasus
“Queer” will ALWAYS be an offensive term to me! Every time I’ve ever heard the term “QUEER” uttered from a heterosexual male’s mouth it was used as a pejorative. I stopped visiting the Huffington Post years ago because they vanquished the word Gay and replaced it with QUEER. Despite hearing a loud thunderous pushback from it’s LGBT readers regarding the term, HuffPost essentially said f**k you…
Heywood Jablowme
Hey, this is QUEER-ty in case you didn’t notice.
S.anderson
I may not feel as strongly about this, but it’s a good point to be made that we shouldn’t be moving forward with the message “Why yes, we ARE freaks!” and instead continue to testify how homosexuality isn’t abnormal. The term Queer is fine for a subset of LGBTQ people, but it’s the wrong choice to apply as a default, umbrella label; “all the rest”.
alt96naples
I agree with you 100 %, I too find ‘queer’ to be a pejorative, if you look into the dictionary, and I have, I challenge anyone to find one positive definition for the word ‘queer’, that is not the case with the word ‘gay.’ Cut the so-called self-empowerment crap and leave well enough alone.
JAW
I agree with you.
This push of forcing the word queer on all is wrong. There is an element in the LGBT+ community that believe that it is our way or tough crap.
You notice that the media (including queerty) does not refer to High profile people like Mayor Pete, Sports figures and most celebrities. There is a reason why they do not use it then. The reason? Simple, people find the word offensive.
It is time that we stop using exclusive words like queer and say that it is an inclusive word. the word queer excludes a lot of people.
I have no issue with queers. I just have issues where the queers try to label us all as odd or strange like them.
Heywood Jablowme
It’s pretty simple. Guys who come out, and actually start having a sex life, call themselves gay. Guys who come out, but are still virgins, call themselves queer!
Kangol2
Nah. I use both terms and I’m out and have a sex life. Most people I know who use queer fit both descriptors too.
Donston
From what I can tell “queer” started off as a slur. Then it became an accepted synonym for “gay” (at least in the UK). Then it became more of a term about having preferences towards trans people. Then it became this catch-all term for anyone not entirely heterosexual and/or doesn’t feel entirely cis gender. At this point, it feels more like a term driven almost strictly by politics and sociology. And it’s kinda been made obsolete from being co-opted by many “quirky” but “mostly straight” people.
Gay is also a grey zone area. Being a “gay male” for some people means being homosexual. To some it means living a homo lifestyle. To some it means having overall same-sex preferences. To some it means being mostly into masculinity. To some it means having homo-romantic and relationship ambitions and contentment. For some (especially many straight and heterosexual people) it just means not being hetero. And don’t get me started on “bisexual’s fifty or so contradictory definitions.
This is why de-emphasizing the weight of identity is so important. These words can mean almost anything. And everyone has their own thing going on as far as sense of self and personal motivations and where they fit on the romantic, sexual, affection, emotional, relationship spectrum. While identity and people’s sex lives and love lives remain sociological, political, ego and commercial commodities. That’s problematic. My thing has always been about keeping it real, living freely, not being driven by fear or outside pressures, and being with/loving who you truly want to be with and love. Stanning identity and pushing lgbtq etc. mantra feels incredibly dated to me. That’s not to say identity is useless or is always problematic. We just give it too much weight. There’s other things we should be focusing on more than someone’s identity.
Kangol2
@Donston, I hear you about your own feelings around identity. When someone is pushing to deny equal rights to a gay or bi or trans person or bashing a gay or bi or trans etc. person’s head in, which happen not infrequently, however, identity and identification become pretty important. Also, some identifies hold more privilege, capital and thus power than others. On a basic psychological basis social identities are key to how we move through the world, and people can deemphasize or change or shift them as they see fit, but the fact remains that we do not live in social, political or cultural vacuums, identities and identifications do matter, and no matter how much we may individually deemphasize identity as a concept or our own identities and identifications, which are always intersection and like life and cultures are never static, in the broader world they are going to matter and hold significance. And that significance may be a matter of life and death.
Donston
I would agree with you in the sense that identity can be important as far as building community, giving people insight into who you are, not feeling alone and searching for protection. And if someone feels they are something and wishes to embrace that identity with genuine pride then cool. However, too often we’re seeing identity and/or sexual behaviors used to shield insecurities, or to suppress other people, or to exert a sense of superiority over other people, or to separate rather than bring people together. It used to be only “straight” identifying people did these things. Now, everyone is doing them. That’s a problem. While identity, sex and relationships unfortunately are not in a vacuum primarily because even supposedly “Liberal” people use these things as social, political and commercial collateral. That is a general societal problem that is likely never go away. I’m also not a fan of trying to dictate identities and force certain identities on people. This type of stuff needs to be widely confronted. However, they mostly get ignored.
DCguy
Except this isn’t true. It’s become a great way for straight people wanting to have a little edge to try to claim some association with us.
Sorry but when you’ve go Rosanne claiming she’s “queer” because people have always thought she’s a “Weirdo” then no, it’s just become another meaningless term.
S.anderson
Short history lesson:
In the bad old days, it was believed that same-sex attraction arose from, among other things, a confusion over one’s gender. A boy thinks he’s a girl. A girl thinks she’s a boy. It only seems logical. Likely due to faulty upbringing. Or demonic possession. After all, traditional sex roles were very clear, and they were just reflective of nature (and scripture) itself!
Anyway, the Gay Liberation Movement of the 60’s-70’s fought to demonstrate that homosexuality is common enough, proving that it is natural. That homosexual men, women, masculine, & feminine are no less valid than heterosexual men and women. They fought to demonstrate that traditional sex (gender) roles simply don’t align with nature. That traditional roles are oppressive, and need to be overthrown.
In the late 1980’s, a national organization called Queer Nation achieved prominence through the Press, and took the opportunity to promote their core ideals. The essence was that other labels (LGBT) should be replaced by the term “Queer” in an effort to “take back” a slur and use it for empowerment. Inspired by another movement which had success “taking back” the N-word.
Unfortunately, QN brazenly told the press that they had the enthusiastic support of most of the other LGBT organizations, and the media reprinted that as fact. We, who worked in these other LGBT organizations raised our eyebrows, but in the spirit of solidarity, politely said “uh, sure.” After all, the homophobes lumped us all into the same group, we could empathize and stand together.
Fast forward a couple decades and “Queer” is widely embraced by the general public as a short, generic synonym for “LGBT.” The Press is careful to demonstrate sensitivity by saying “Queer” as this he held to be correct. Younger generations of LGBT grew up with this ‘fact’ and older LGBT were no longer available to explain the history and how “Queer” was arguably foisted upon them.
Fast forward some more years, and “Queer” is more widely used as a synonym for trans, nonbinary and kinky. Especially in certain regions. It’s also maintained that LGB people and anyone nonconforming to traditional sex roles are really T/NB. LGBTQ organizations are now led and operated by Trans/NonBinary folk, who are wasting no time erasing the legacy of “prehistoric” Lesbians, Gay Men and Bisexuals, and paving over them with Queer history.
We’ve come full circle, and now it is the “official” LGBTQ organizations promoting the old, wrong notion that same-sex attraction, or really any noncompliance with traditional sex roles is a matter of gender identity.
Donston
There is some definite ignorance and anti-gay, anti-homosexual and homophobic propaganda within the “queer movement”. As much as folks jump on “white gay males” the other problematic things are rarely called out by the media. There’s been many attempts from some “proudly queer” people to make “gay” (and even bi) a corny, passe, extremely one dimensional identity. Though I don’t feel that’s most people’s agenda. The battle for relevance/prominence, the politicking of identity, and the fact that everyone has their own sense of self continues to make things very messy. Identity being so tied to economics, sociology and ego continue to be the biggest problem with this lgbtq stuff. That’s why I posted what I did.
Brian
We overanalyze things way too much. I really don’t need a different word for every teensy variation of people’s sexual or gender identity. If yours is that special and complicated, explain it in detail to those who it’s relevant to and leave the rest of us out of it. I can guarantee you that most people don’t care and don’t need a whole new language for it.
S.anderson
The question isn’t whether the vocabulary has grown too large, it’s that the generic catch-all term “Queer” is being imposed on people who don’t identify that way. Methinks folks who “don’t care” are being insensitive and dehumanizing. On the other hand, it would be lovely if one didn’t jump down another’s throat just because they used the wrong label or pronoun.
Brian
Just because I’m fine with “gay” or “bisexual” doesn’t mean I’m insensitive and dehumanizing. It means I really don’t need to know the finer details. Be whoever you want to be, but it’s really not important for the world are large to know exactly where you fall on the Kinsey scale. If I ask “how are you” in passing, I don’t need the details of your inner soul either.
Donston
Well, feeling forced to embrace identity is a problem in general. That’s partly why the “no labels” movement exists. If “queer” was truly a generic catch-all that simply meant not being entirely hetero and/or not feeling entirely cis then it would be fine. And it would be very mainstream, since that definition of “queer” probably represents about 40% of the population. The problem with “queer” is that it’s a term used in so many different ways that it feels like many people who use it now purposely do so to confuse people. It’s also used as a political and social mechanism to pressure people to separate themselves from other identities, especially gay. That is a problem.
I do agree that not everything needs an identity. We should all know by now that everyone has their own quirks as far as orientation and gender. If we just accepted that there would be far less tensions and divisions and pressures and identities. But I do feel it’s important for people to not feel shame about expressing and honestly talking about their quirks and their intricacies. Pushing shame and silence shouldn’t be a thing.
S.anderson
Brian: Again, the question isn’t whether you should give a hoot what people call themselves, The question is whether it’s insensitive and oppressive to impose a blanket term like “Queer” upon someone who prefers one of the old-timey, untrendy terms like “Bisexual” “Gay” or “Lesbian”. It’s almost like you’re dodging around this point.
Brian
I’m saying it’s unnecessary . They are descriptive terms, not identities. It’s not insensitive to not give credence to somebody who has decided that they don’t like the definition of a word, v that’s their own issue. Common language exists for a reason, it shouldn’t have to be modified for every sensitive soul who thinks they’re too complex for the mere English language to capture.
S.anderson
Brian: I’m glad we seem to agree. By your argument, Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and the rest shouldn’t be pressured to change their vocabulary for the convenience of others either, whether it’s because the other’s heads are too dizzy to keep track of more than one or two labels, or whether it’s politically expedient. Which is what the Queer Absorption is all about.
JAW
Brian, Once again you completely miss the point.
There is nothing queer, strand or odd about me. When some people use queer to identify the entire LGBT+ community they exclude many people who are not queers. When a university has a queer studies course, or the local film festival is the queer festival, they leave out millions of people.
We have people who get upset when people use he or she to identify them. Those people want to be identified using They, them etc… they truly are queers.
Looking at your picture I get that you are a queer. Good for you. But I am nothing like you.
Brian
You’re the one who missed the point. I said the word was unnecessary.
PinkoOfTheGange
Queer is an amorphous term that has no set definition.
greybat
Having worked in Show Business for many years, I view myself as an Expert on these sorts of things.
– Gay Men and Women wear Denim, Flannel, Chambray and Knit Fabrics.
– Queers wear Leather, Metal, PVC, Sequins, Mesh, Lace, and Feathers (it’s a broad Category).
Homosexuals wear Pink Polo Shirts on weekends out of town (during the week they wear straight costumes).
Glad I could clarify.
–
Dnooage
1. Gay isn’t a lifestyle but it is a culture. If you don’t ID as Gay culturally Queer works.
2. Gay people desire assimilation. I.E. Marriage. Queer people don’t.
3. Gay means homosexual. Queer means not straight. The term Bi is a mess.
I believe all people should just be called Queer or Normal as everything is blurring now and Gay and Straight are constrictive social constructs.
S.anderson
Dnooage: I’m smelling some wishful thinking here. This reads like the Queer movement’s talking points, but I don’t buy them.
#1 There isn’t one monolithic gay culture, so gay is one of many lifestyles which may or may not participate in a culture. If you don’t ID as queer, queers don’t take you seriously, and that doesn’t work for me.
#2 The hell queers don’t want assimilation! They ate up all of the LGBTQ organizations from within and wear them like skin suits!
#3 Queer means not normal, whether gay or straight. How about we do better than this and just establish that lesbians, gays and bis are normal, instead of trying to encourage more and more people to act like freaks?
I believe that someone else should not put themselves in charge of what I may be called. Also, what if i’m gay and normal? Your idea excludes the notion. That’s not cool with me, nor should it be. Those like you are the the ones constraining me, by limiting my choices to either Queer or Normal.
Dnooage
@sanderson
Queer has multiple definitions.
Atypical and different for example and being different isn’t bad!
It’s just alternative and homosexuality will always be alternative because Heterosexuality is naturally, organically the norm.
Gay people try to emulate heterosexual culture to get the normal badge but it’s just emulation. It’s not binary. If something isn’t normal that doest automatically mean abnormal. We’re different/alternative and that’s okay.
S.anderson
Dnooage: Well, you may enjoy identifying as abnormal, and you may live in stealth among those you see as normal, but I see the notion of homosexuality being abnormal as an arbitrary one. Or, not so arbitrary since it’s used by those in authority to keep us in control. Religion teaches that you have a disease, and that they’re the only cure for it. Government defines you as a criminal so they have more leverage against you if they need it. And, since most everyone has these urges and experiences, people tow the line to avoid detection.
Dnooage
@sanderson
The show Queer eye on Netflix means Abnormal Eye?
The word was reclaimed and has multiple definitions including different. We are different and being different doesn’t mean abnormal/bad.
If you want to believe your identical to heterosexual pairings be my guest. Let me know when you impregnate your partner.
S.anderson
@Dnooage LOL, keep it up. You’re amusing!
Donston
Doonage, I think your guidelines are wonky and are ironically restrictive in their own right. And most people don’t follow those lines of thinking.
There are many people who embrace “queer” but are married and/or are looking for substantial commitments. There are many people who embrace “gay” but aren’t looking for marriage or a serious commitment. And if you change your mind as far as marriage and commitment goes, does that mean you switch identities? There seems to be a decent amount of people who are inherently homosexual and who live homo lifestyles but still embrace “queer” and keep a distance from “gay”. Just as there’s a decent amount of people who are not homo but embrace “gay”. If being “gay” is purely cultural then what is the cultural definition of “gay”? While if “gay” is mostly cultural then “queer” is mostly political. And that would make both identities problematic in their own right and too heavy with sociological ramifications. While bi (or pansexual) is indeed a messy term with some bad history and is too often attached to hetero-normalcy or attached to exuding non-homo supremacy or used to manipulate people. However, many parts of the “queer movement” is starting to engage in those type of behaviors as well.
What you’re saying is as messy, convoluted and divisive as everything else that’s going on. Overall, placing less weight on identity seems helpful. While placing more focus on the romantic, sexual, affection, relationship spectrum and living your life as you wish seems like the most progressive, unifying and honest route to go. That is what we should be striving for.
PinkoOfTheGange
I think you need to learn to use “ironic” properly.
Donston
No, I used “ironic” the way I meant it. His view of both gay and queer is divisive, restrictive and prejudice. That is somewhat ironic since being “queer” is supposed to be about non restrictions and bringing people together.
dwes09
Sorry child. I have self described queer friends (trans, non binary) who definitely embraced marriage as soon as it was available to them. And I have gay friends who resent marriage as “heteronormative” and do not want to assimilarte.
These are simply terms people choose for themselvess, for many reasons.
Personally, I do not let anyone call me queer, especially if they are hetero. It is still an epithet, as is “the n word”. Neither has been “taken back” nor stripped of its emotional charge.
And calling Straight people “Normal” is truly bizarre, as that implies abnormality in anyone who does not fit an as yet non-quantified definition of normal sexual expression and affectional orientation.
Donston
It seems like Dnooage is following social media’s guidelines of identity, which is not how most of the “real world” looks at this stuff. Furthermore, he or she seems to be pushing the “queer movement’s agenda to equate a gay identity to assimilation, to being “restricted”, to being entirely inherently homosexual in every way, to wanting marriage, etc. It’s an attempt to make “gay” seem antiquated and lame. And that’s the type of stuff that bothers me with a certain portion of the “queer movement”. Too much of it is veiled anti-gay, self-shaming, and homophobic nonsense or it’s just narcissism.
Ultimately, everyone is different. Everyone has different ambitions. And everyone identifies as whatever they identify as for different reasons. There’s no way to make this stuff “tidy”.
Bill Green
I think everyone needs to get “bent”…oh no, did I just open up another can of worms?
GentlemanCaller
I was just thinking about this this morning before I read this, actually. It seems to me that–aside from the history of the word “queer” as has been so helpfully outlined by others–it’s evolved to be a generic term for an undefined sexuality outside of the heteronormative. I have never, ever referred to myself as “queer,” being perfectly content with “gay” as a label. Most lesbians I know refer to themselves either as “lesbians” or “gay” (not because they want our stuff, but because “gay” used to be the generic term “queer” seems to have taken on today, now that “gay” is often–but not consistently–applied to men). Bisexual and transgender people are pretty much what the B and T imply, without a lot of historical linguistics to worry about. So at least to me, “LGBT” is a perfectly functional four-letter acronym that covers the bases. Adding the “Q” is in some ways redundant (since it is inclusive of the Ls, Gs, Bs, and Ts), although I understand that Q may also include fetishistic and other nonnormative practices that are still within the heterosexual sphere. I’d tut-tut about adding nominal straights to the LGBT thing, since we’re here because we’re marginalized, and if you’re straight you’re per se not marginalized on the basis of sexuality, but then things get complicated with the Ts, many of whom are straight. So if we think about this too much, it gets very complicated. Probably best to just let folks be. Or L or G or T. Or Q.
Polaro
Queer is just straight people trying to get attention. By itself, it is relatively harmless. Now the non-binary nonsense, which is the radical right appropriation of queer, will lose us the next election.
HenryCameron
It’s been nearly 50 years since one of my classmates first called me a queer. “A what?” I just knew that queer meant odd or strange, but I didn’t know what he meant by “a queer.” I was informed that it meant a fag, a homo. So I had to find out what those were. I soon learned that they all meant the same thing, and that none of them was considered a compliment. You can try to “reclaim” and redefine the word all you like, but that little kid all those years ago will never forget what a queer/fag/homo is.
Aires the Ram
@HenryCameron, Thank you for your insight. I’m in the same boat as you, when I hear or read the word “queer” anywhere, I can still see the beer bottles flying out of the pickup full of straight guys at 2am as the local gay bar was closing, and I happened to be walking by a brick wall next to the sidewalk. None of the bottles hit me, they flew by my head and smashed against the wall, while those guys were screaming “f-ing queer”. You don’t forget those kinds of things. And I swear, if I have to hear the word ‘cis’ or ‘non-binary’ one more time I will scream. What the hell does all that mean? The more labels and letters that are adopted, the more fractured we are. It makes no sense to me.
Donston
I mean, over the years I have started to see “gay” as being more a term that has more to do with overall romantic/sexual passions, general affections and relationship ambitions than inherent or behavioral sexuality.
Lobby
As someone young, i do feel queer has been hijacked by Lgb folks that would be considered self hating closet cases in the recent past, so that they run away from specific terms. That would glitter bomb and bedazzle their internalized homophobia. Its an agenda to redirect our attention away from advancing lgbt rights, instead focus on lgb being a phase once more of trendiness or choice that can be altered. Lgbt as a term on its own, through it we are able to advance the binary and non binary bits separately, to help understand it better. Same goes for internalized homophobia. Queer as a blanket term, was meant to intentionally rob us of that evolution and deeper understanding and knowledge of the different folks found within lgbt and the issues we face. Instead queer, gaslights everyone to find the community so complicated that no discussion happens, leading to slower advancement of rights. Eg Str8t but has sex with men. His still str8t and new blanket term queer. Decades terns, that advanced rights to the point we were able to expose Evangelist bigots caught with rent boys. An lgbt guy that is self hating and deep in the closet. Queer my friend, is a dangerous term.
Donston
I mean, who cares about those people? I’m a lil’ tired of folks obsessing with closet cases. If someone doesn’t want to embrace an identity you can’t really force them to. It just is what it is. Is “queer” already been used for manipulative or segregation purposes? Yes. But so are the other identities to some extent. And ultimately, you don’t have any control over someone’s sense of self or what they have “pride” in. The romantic, sexual, emotional, relationship spectrum is too wide and diverse, and everyone’s motivations are too different to focus on dictating identity. However, whatever someone does or identifies as (or doesn’t identify as) it shouldn’t be driven by fear, manipulation, self-resentment and/or sociological pressures.
broadshoulder
Don’t like “Queer”. It reminds me of my eighties schooldays
Gay is fine. There are three sexualities – gay, straight and bisexuals
PolishBear
I understand how a somewhat younger LGBT+ generation would want to reclaim the word “queer” as a badge to wear with pride, a way of being out, proud, and unwilling to conform to society’s expectations. So I don’t object to it. But as a man who’s about to turn 60, I prefer the term “Gay.” I’ve paid my dues in terms of Gay activism, I still do my bit behind the scenes, but now it’s time for a new generation of Queer Youth to take up the reins.
PinkoOfTheGange
There you go being all reasonable :).
jjose712
I find incredibly ridiculous to define yourself by opposition, queer as not straight is absurd.
I understand that definition when is about arts, like queer cinema or queer literature because that’s a big umbrella, but to label yourself just doesn’t make sense
Condor221
Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, all I heard being used was queer, as in “Hey, look, there’s a QUEER!”
Or of course the very popular, “fag”. I had one guy who always said, “Here suck my dick fag.” So, one day when we were in a private student lounge I said, “Ok, get it out” and he did. I laughed at him and walked away. Gay is my choice of how to describe me.
Donston
The biggest issue with using “queer” as a sole identity and as a common denominator for everyone that’s not entirely hetero and/or doesn’t feel entirely cis gender has yet to be talked about here. Ultimately, it’s hard to connect people that aren’t really that connected and difficult to put almost every type of person on common ground. A masculine hetero-leaning “bi guy” will always have a different type of sociological struggle and a different type of outlook from a more effeminate homosexual or overall homo-leaning dude. Just as neither of those types of people have similar outlooks and sociological struggles as a trans person. And ultimately, a man whose romantic fulfillment, consistent affections and relationship ambitions are towards guys is not going to be that comparable to a guy who has those things towards women. “Queer” represents too much of a strain to bridge a lot of different types of people together. I’d prefer someone say they’re a part of “lgbt community” as a common denominator rather than leaning on “queer”. But in general, I’ve made all the points I’ve felt needed to be made when it comes to the nature of identity.
S.anderson
@Donston I have had similar thoughts. LGBTQ would be wise to reach out to people and offer them what they have been afraid to seek, not demand that they become the thing they’ve grown up fearing. One thing that closeted folks struggle with is to maintain their integrity. Negative and conflicting messages about what it means to be LGBTQ keep them from identifying with their peers.
The “Queer” movement, as a name and image, is so badly branded that I’ve wondered if homophobes weren’t behind it somehow. The Queer world beckons our youth to concede that they’re freaks, just as the church and state have always said of LGBT people. And as I’ve written before, that’s fine for those who ARE loud freaks. That works for them. And no-one should interfere with their self-expression.
While I have no sympathy for influential closeted people who support anti-LGBTQ efforts, I do think we can be a kinder, gentler people and help the rest of our kind make the frightening transition from closeted to confident, if not out-and-proud. How about we start another movement such as “Bent”, like Bill joked about above? I’ve actually been turning that term over in my mind for some time. Picture a group of college buddies having a few beers and sheepishly confessing that they feel “bent” every now and then? A few raunchy laughs, a few knowing grins, and their friendships are less burdened. A few doors open, even. 🙂
Donston
One of the biggest reasons I hear for why people don’t want to be seen as “gay” (or even “bi”) is that they consider it “restrictive” or (in the case of men) they don’t want to be seen as wimps/faags or they don’t want to be seen as dudes who hate women or dudes who can’t manage to have sex with women. That’s mostly egocentric, sociological, internalized homophobia crap. It’s not progressive at all and progression is what “queer” is supposed to represent. So, instead of “queer” being used to give people insight into who you are and what you want and about giving yourself freedom, it ends up being used to shield things and make you more of an enigma. There’s definitely some problematic elements there.
I have no problem with folks solely embracing “queer” and then coming up with their own definition and reasons for why (many gay and bi identifying people do the same. None of these identities are concrete or should be seen as set in stone. And everyone truly is different). I just don’t like people doing and saying stuff mainly out of fear, self-resentment, manipulation, sociological/political pressures or narcissism and then expecting to be applauded for it. If that’s the case you’re better off sticking with the “I don’t wish to embrace a label” line of thought. That’s especially the case if you can’t truly feel comfortable and confident in anything.
dwes09
Of all the definitions posted here, yours is the most removed from reality, and certainly the one most freighted with personal/political baggage.