steve_king_rectWell, it certainly gives new meaning to “mowing the lawn.” To demonstrate the subtle machinations at play inside the brain when a complete idiot opens his mouth, Iowa Representative Steve King told the world that we can now march into our front yards wearing our Sunday best and marry the lawnmower.

Related: Will Perkins Claims Gay People Only Want To Marry “For Access to Children”

In the same enchanting tradition of Australia’s Liberal MP Dennis Jensen wanting to marry his sister and daughter, and Pat Robertson worrying that we’re all going to marry our dogs (and make cute bestiality-themed wedding cakes), this latest upgrade suggests it’s very much open season on garden tools; another victory in our bottomless homo-fascist master-scheme to turn the world into a pansexual orgiastic cesspool of unstoppered lust.

While introducing fellow miscreant and Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, King waxed poetic and elucidated upon a highly esoteric interpretation of the Supreme Court’s landmark ruling.

Related: Rand Paul Thinks You Can Now Marry Animals

According to Dickson County News, he said, “I had a strong, Christian lawyer tell me yesterday that, under this decision that he has read, what it brings about is: It only requires one human being in this relationship — that you could marry your lawnmower with this decision. I think he’s right.”

Oh, we hope he’s right. Just imagine that wedding cake… and watching a top-of-the-line Husqvarna 160cc 22 with Mulching Capability whirr down the aisle in your mother’s wedding dress?

h/t: Gay Star News

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