Winter has arrived. The days are cold. The nights are long. Enter your friend-with-benefits–also known as a f*ck buddy or FB, for those who prefer not to use the F-word in polite company.
Urban Dictionary defines a friend-with-benefits as “two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved.”
It is someone you can get away with drunk texting on Friday night from a bar after your fifth cocktail and not take hell for it. (Just make sure it’s Freddy your FB, not Freddy your boss. Yes, it has happened.)
It can also be someone who you would never date for various reasons (he rides a motorcycle, he eats crackers in bed, he’s a Republican, etc., etc.), but whom you nonetheless love getting naked with from time to time.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Just in case you needed them, here are sex, er, six reasons why everyone should have a FB.
It’s good practice
A 2011 study examined the sexual behaviors of more than 24,000 gay and bisexual guys. Researchers found that young men aged 18 to 24 didn’t score well when it came to their lovemaking abilities. Of course, this isn’t all that surprising. With age comes experience, after all. Maintaining a steady, no-strings-attached partner to practice with is a great way for those of you in the under 24 category to hone your craft. As a young gay man, you are fortunate to have plenty of time and opportunities to improve.
It encourages mentorship
On the flip side, for older gents who may not need any additional practice in the sack, being a mentor to a younger fella can be a beautiful, beautiful thing. Think about it: You’re teaching him valuable tricks of the trade which he can then employ for the rest of his life. Talk about making a real difference in the world.
It’s beneficial to your mental health
To the surprise of no gay man on earth, a study published in Social Psychology and Personality Science earlier this year found that people who engaged in regular casual sex reported lower stress levels and higher levels of happiness.
Live your fantasies
Have you always dreamed about being bound, gagged, spanked, and/or peed upon? (If so, you’re not alone. This sex study found even the wildest of fantasies aren’t nearly as uncommon as you might think.) This 2014 survey found that 47% of respondents fantasize about acting out their favorite types of kinky porn in real life. Now, you may not feel comfortable doing these “taboo” things with the future father of your children. Enter your FB. He’s the perfect person with whom to explore such activities. You know him. You trust him. And he won’t won’t take it personally if you never call him again after things go unexpectedly awry.
He can provide you with more than just sex
Got an extra ticket to the Giants game? Need a date to your friend’s art opening? Call your FB. Not only will he provide you with some hot company to make others jealous over during your outing, but he’ll give you something to look forward to afterwards.
It’s fun & convenient
Despite what your parents’ church may have tried to tell you, sex is good. And gay sex is f-ing awesome. This 2014 survey found that one in three people have a friend-with-benefits with whom they regularly hookup. That has to be proof of something. Having someone to sext for some late night hanky panky at a moments notice is fun, not to mention far more convenient than hunting for it at bars and on Grindr. ‘Nuff said.
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Fashion Faux Pas: What Not To Wear To A Hookup
Graham Gremore is a columnist and contributor for Queerty and Life of the Law. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
onthemark
Totally agree! But I’m sure we’ll get the usual outrage from the usual horrified prudes here.
I love condoms
During bouts of single-dom, I’ve always preferred having a f*ck bud that I met up with once or twice a week for great sex, versus a series of random one-time hookups. For me, sex with the same person get’s better over time.
The only piece of advice I would give in regards to having a f*ck bud is, be sure to prepare your heart for the fact that, although the sexual connection is amazing, the f*ck bud friendship may never become an actual relationship.
There is always a real possibility that the f*ck bud friendship could end abruptly at anytime, for a number of reasons, and your heart should be prepared for the sudden breakup.
ppp111
Honestly, pics of male couples cuddling or giving each other romantic kisses turns me on more than some run of the mill porn. Can you say hot???
ocdj63
Mine lives 5 houses away. We could use window signals with the mini-blinds we live so close. Go us!
gjg64
@ocdj63: OK, now you’re just trying to make us all feel bad.
Lazycrockett
My FB’s never want to just stay my FB’s.
JDJase
“Fuck buddies” and “friends with benefits” are two different things. Friends with benefits are someone you have a normal friendship with, but you also happen to have sex. Fuck buddies are someone you get together with on a regular basis for sex, but you don’t really have a normal friendship outside of it. FB’s are way easier to maintain than FWBs.
Blackceo
@JDJase:
Exactly!!! That immediately stuck out in my mind when I first started reading this. A “friend with benefits” is nothing like a “fuck buddy”. I mean maybe the definitions are different to some because a fuck buddy to me is a booty call and the way a booty call used to be for me was someone who I just fucked. There was no chit chat. No how you doin? Come in, lets fuck, goodbye. No flowers or “hey u wanna go to the movies” or “let’s meet up for a latte at Starbucks”. No lingering afterward. Your purpose was for each of us to get off. Sounds cold but i needed to be clear up front for him to not catch feelings. Now the friends with benefits I’ve had we hung out and did all the “buddy” things while occasionally having sex.
Virge
I have to tell you guys — living where winters are cold makes for some great times sleeping with my guy. He is not adjusted to the cold yet and stays all over me to stay warm.
edwardnvirginia
Since the article attempts to coat its arguments with ‘science-y cum’ … let’s shoot off some more science:
1. Criminal justice science; LGBTQ experience high rates of violence with hookups. So, the article might have highlighted that a regular sexual friend – whom you know and trust and whom might be known to others of your friends or family – might help preclude hook up violence. That would be a good impact.
2. Disease epidemiology science: HIV and other life-threatening/shortening, quality of life threatening, life-long illnesses did not go away and are a very big deal for LGBTQ. It may be more likely that conversations about keeping healthy – including not transmitting disease organisms – take place with regular sexual friends. That would be a good impact. See CDC data below.
3. Social science: Researchers and observers – including many observations in Queerty – detail how many in LGBTQ communities tend toward conformity with the worse parts of the larger society: racial prejudice, misogyny/heterosexism regarding gender, uncaring consumerism (no care for working peoples live, no care for sustainable economy benefiting all members of society, no care for other creatures who live on the planet with us, etc). And so forth. Perhaps to break out of conformity of these bad moral values LGBTQ might have regular sexual friends who are outside their usual social set (as Kant says: treating them as full equals and not as objects, and as Buber says: treating them with subjective spiritual mutuality not as objects (of self-indulgence, of power, of convenience).
That could be a transformative thing for LGBTQ individuals and communities.
So, truly, science can add value to our sexual adventures.
But, also, to be realistic, and judging from the constant barrage of stories, ads, advice, and attitudes at Queerty – promoting self-indulgence – the transformative potentional of healthy sexuality is unlikely.
CDC data:
New HIV Infections
In 2010, gay and bisexual men accounted for 63% of estimated new HIV infections in the United States and 78% of infections among all newly infected men. From 2008 to 2010, new HIV infections increased 22% among young (aged 13-24) gay and bisexual men and 12% among gay and bisexual men overall.
Among all gay and bisexual men, white gay and bisexual men accounted for 11,200 (38%) estimated new HIV infections in 2010. The largest number of new infections among white gay and bisexual men (3,300; 29%) occurred in those aged 25 to 34.
Among all gay and bisexual men, black/African American gay and bisexual men accounted for 10,600 (36%) estimated new HIV infections in 2010. The largest number of new infections among black/African American gay and bisexual men (4,800; 45%) occurred in those aged 13 to 24. From 2008 to 2010 new infections increased 20% among young black/African American gay and bisexual men aged 13 to 24.
Among all gay and bisexual men, Hispanic/Latino gay and bisexual men accounted for 6,700 (22%) estimated new HIV infections in 2010. The largest number of new infections among Hispanic/Latino gay and bisexual men (3,300; 39%) occurred in those aged 25 to 34.
Matt
Like many articles on Queerty, this is in very poor taste and once more gives gay men a pervy adn unhealthy reputation.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
@Matt:
And like no straight people ever, ever have had FBs. Only difference is they call it “friends with benefits”…………………………….
And now with apps like Grindr it makes it easier than ordering Chinese take out! :p
Chris
If you need six reasons, you are most definitely over-thinking it. [Yeah, be safe — as if that needs to included]
Meb
As a gay man, I think that some of these points are offensive. I am a person, my vital goal does not include to be a sexual toy.
Clark35
Agreed Meb and Matt.